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To dislike visiting my grandad?

(5 Posts)
MrsSnape Sat 06-Sep-08 16:00:02

I feel awful writing this but I need other people's opinions on it.

My grandad lives on the outskirts of the city which is a good half 45 min drive at least. This alone wouldn't be a problem but he also happens to be one of the most negative people I've ever known. He goes on and on and on about depressing stuff like death, illnesses, cancer, the past etc etc and he has this habbit of ripping shreds off you as soon as you walk through the door:

"you've put on weight..."
"Don't you wear make-up? you're looking a bit haggered..."
"The state of your look like a bloody gypsy..."
"You've not had a shave, you look a right scruffy twat..."

Last time I went he started on me as soon as I walked through the door:

"You're looking thin..."
"You must be depressed, with the way your life is I mean?"
"Don't you ever take the kids anywhere?"
"You must be fed up, having no money?"
"Doesn't it depress you when you see the other 'young ones' going abroad and having fun whilst you're stuck in the house with the kids?"
"Don't you feel a bit jealous of others your age that don't have kids? resentful I mean?"

Then he sits there and just starts shaking his head at me. I say "what now?" and he says "I'm just thinking, what a could have done so much with your life..."

FFS I'm 27, not exactly over the hill and climbing into my coffin.

I just can't be doing with it. I'm trying to better my life, I don't need constant reminders of how "bad" it is.

Then what really annoys me is that when I don't go down for a while he starts saying "what have I done?" "Have I upset you?" "I don't understand why nobody comes to see me...." surely it's bloody obvious?

Anyway I have an important job interview on Thursday and I do NOT want him to put me in a foul, depressed state for it.

I'm supposed to be going to see him on Monday since I havn't been for months, its his birthday on wednesday but I don't want to go sad am I being unreasonable? I know he's old and very ill and people say "you'll regret it if/when something happens to him" but old or not, I still don't think anyone has the right to delibrately and offend depress everyone, do you?

He reckons he only says these things because he cares.

expatinscotland Sat 06-Sep-08 16:01:54

Don't go.

And when he asks you why, tell him exactly what you told us here.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Sat 06-Sep-08 16:17:29

He sounds depressed. sad

Is he lonely?

WelliesAndPyjamas Sat 06-Sep-08 16:22:15

Has he always been like that?

FlightAttendent Sat 06-Sep-08 16:23:33

I have a grandmother like this.

My answer is that you can not change them

You can only take so much

Don't go this week. Just don't, you know your coping limit.
Focus on yourself and then go and see the old git dear when you have enough energy and positivity to spare.

You will have.
Just not this week. I'm sure he won't die before Friday wink

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