To be annoyed that people don't turn up on time when you have a small Baby??(32 Posts)
I do not always have access to a car therefore my MIL insists on coming over to pick me a DD up in order to see us for lunch. This lovely but she and SIL turn up late to pick us up. Having a little one I always say please come at such and such a time so DD can sleep/eat or be settled when we get there. So get everything ready before they come... and here I am now still waiting, meant be here at 12noon, with a crying baby!! Grrrrr..............
tis annoying. When the twins were very little and our routine was INCREDIBLY important to us, some friends turned up over 2 hours late for lunch. Cross? I could barely speak politely to them. Am a bit more relaxed now but still think it's very rude to be more than 30 mins late, baby or no baby.
YANBU - routine is so important in the early days and a disrupted nap means no peace for the parents after the visitors have gone - I hated people being late in the early days. Its not so bad now as DS is over two, but its not ideal!
my parents were like that. I would end up in tears when my DD was newborn & my DS 20 mnths.
I remember those days, I was part of a "clinic group" run by the local doctor's surgery. This ran once a week when the babies were newborn until 3 months old.
We all got on well so decided to keep these meetings up every fortnight, taking turns at each other's houses. There were 6 of us, and most would say, "We should be there", but weren't definite.
I would always go, out of politeness but it did dwindle to maybe just one or two turning up as the weeks went on, much to the annoyance of whoever the host was, as she'd obviously spent all morning preparing with a young baby to see to!
On one of my turns I phoned around the day before, to be told, "We'll probably be there", "definitely but not till later", etc.
Anyway nobody turned up, I'd spent the whole morning clearing up, putting out enough baby toys + had baked cakes the day before.
The baby had been crying + I'd wasted her nap time rushing around when I could have been doing other things or had a rest myself! At the time these things are a big deal, I opted out of the group eventually!
YANBU - but that said, most people just genuinely don't realise how important it is to be on time with a baby when you are trying to get into a routine, and they think they are a lot more flexible than they are. Maybe just nicely say to your MIL that please could you leave on time etc so that your LO is not all grouchy and tired, and then she will have a nicer time with her too.
Why is the baby crying? Cos she needs a feed? I'd not get het up about it tbh and just feed her, if they turned up whilst she was being fed then they'd have to wait.
Blimey! This routine thing seems to cause so much angst .
However, lateness is rude, baby or no baby. Unless there is a good reason.
YANBU. This sort of thing drove me to distraction when mine were babies.
YANBU It is very annoying and I can sympathise greatly. i am not overly uptight about routins but it is important for babies to have sleep/food etc and regular intervals.
My MIL still is oblivious to this. The other day we went round for tea as the kids were staying over, arrived at a normal time of 4.30pm. MIL - 'Oh your kids eat at 5.30 don't they' - Me 'Yes they do - and they haven't had much sleep today so I'd like them in bed by 7pm' - cue my MIL turning on the oven at 6pm serving tea at 6.45 being put out that the kids are throwing it on the floor and generally wailing.
This is often a general theme - Sunday lunch served at 3pm. Again much wailing as kids have had no sleep or looks from her as I try and just make them a sandwich.
I don't think it's just annoying when you have a baby. I think that people who turn up late are incredibly rude and inconsiderate and I hate it.
Bar the doors and shout down from the battlements!
Seriously it's unbelievable how irritatingly this is especially when you've been up all night and haven't had enough sleep, and you are still establishing a routine. However it's so easy to forget those early days yourself, as the lack of sleep really does damage your brain - otherwise we'd never have a second child, would we? Perhaps your MIL needs to be reminded?
My childless friends used to turn up aver an hour late as they were 'shopping' or 'having another coffee' and I could barely speak to them. I used to tell them to go when babe had to have her nap / feed even if it meant they had barely warmed the chair. I used to say 'well it was lovely to see you but I have to get on with my work, pity you didn't have a proper visit'.
I think they thought as I was off on maternity leave, and could entertain them at any hour they chose. At that stage I really would have preferred to see no one rather than someone who cocked up my routine, as it meant LACK OF SLEEP for me!!
YANBU and hugs, hope they understand when you remind them about your routine etc.
This is nothing to do with having a baby, being 40 minutes (or 2 hours ) late is just rude.
I too find this incredibly irritating, but then I always did before I had children. Anything over half hour without a decent explanation (before or after) is just not on IMO!!
pippi that does conjure up a picture; it's not about the ROUTINE causing angst, or not for most people I bet - it's the fact that you have a routine because the child NEEDS it and will have a horrible, miserable time if they don't get their food/sleep etc.
Ds for instance very much needed regular, routine sleep, otherwise he became overtired and utterly unable to drop off at bedtime; having once looked helplessly at his little face saturated with tears, bright red, and sobbing, I just thought - whatever it was keeping you out of the routine, it wasn't worth it to poor DS!
Even half an hour I think is pushing the limits of decency. And I thought that before I had children too. But when you have a small baby it's especially important, as it takes so long to get ready that you then need to leave promptly before the little darling has an explosive poo and you spend the next half an hour cleaning up and finding fresh clothes for you and the baby.
Thanks for your supportive comments. I nearly called her and said don't bother coming as we need to back for 3 any way for the tesco delivery man and won't be worth it. However don't think it is fair on MIL as she hasn't seen LO for 3 weeks due to her being on holiday. Just got back and it was pretty frosty in the car on the way there I can tel you!!!
My friend who has a child does it to me aswell but 9 ot of 10 she doesn't even bother turning up! Then when I call the night before to cancel a planned coffee meeting she gets all pissed off with me!!!
Nevermind I will learn one day
why is it not fair on MIL?...it might teach her to be on time...
Have waited for friends or rels who are late. If they are 30mins late to the park, after another while your dcs are ready to go so don't really get to see the other person. Same in a cafe, you have had coffee and drinks etc and your darlings are just about to start going to the dark side when the other person arrives. You spend the next 30mins battling with toddlers wanting to get up and race around the cafe etc.
GRRR. Its a pet hate. If its just me, then fine, keep me waiting.
But with a baby.... aaargh.
I haven't read all of this as I should go to the park before the rain comes down again. I think its rude to be late for anyone. I'm often 5mins-10mins late (I can't get my act together sometimes) BUT 2 hours! My Mum used to do this to my gran (god rest her soul died on Sunday)mainly because she hated going to her house. IF you don't want to go say so and let the other person get on with their lives. I think I would lose so many friends if I was always late and my sister whould never have seen me. My Mum's trick was to say to my Dad, when my gran phoned to check, that she had already left and then would blame it on the tube system when she got there. Mum doesn't do this to me because I go ballistic as I know her tricks.
dropdeadfrog - my SIL was picking me up to go to MIL'S for a family lunch.
yanbu. People very quickly forget how you do get wrapped up in baby routines (whether purposefully engineered or not).
would have wanted to drop kick your SIL arse!
Punctuality is so important to me. DH however is the polar opposite, I try to make him more punctual but it is hard work. People who show up late, anything more than 15mins, are really rude.
When I first met DH's best friend, we arrived on time as he was with me. Friends wife was still in the shower as she expected us an hour later, as she knew DH so well!
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