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To refuse to go to the wedding???? V V Long! (I probably am!)

(47 Posts)
MadameCastafiore Thu 04-Sep-08 17:00:57

Right long one but here it goes - DH has a friend (Tarquin) who has a manic depressive girlfriend (Maude) - I was friends with her once but she is MAD!!!! She is a working class man's daughter (as I am but am happy to be so and for people to know it!) who has a fake accent and pretends to be someone she is not and I know I shouldn't let it bother me but I want to scream fake at her as she is so vile.

She lied to Tarquin after she came with me to see personal trainer once, said the trainer had pulled her around slapping her thighs and telling her she was huge and needed to lose weight - when what actually happened is she burst into tears after the trainer congratulated me on losing inches and weight - we calmed her down and she seemed fine but by the time she went home had concocted huge story to make it seem as though she is victim, she wasn't a victim just not centre of attention.

She then came to my hen night and told all my friends they were ghastly because they dared to say that they were happy to be out without the kids - she cried and huffed about saying her baby was dead and we were all cruel people for wanting to be out without our children! (She had a miscarraige at 6 weeks about 6 months before this!), she then told all my friends that I had told her she was too fat to dance on the table at the greek restaurant we were at - which was again a complete fabrication as one of my friends was at least twice her size and I wouldn't dream of telling someone what they could or couldn't do and she really wasn't that big FFS! She ruined the whole evening, putting my friends who aren't as wealthy as her and her DP (well she is skint her DP is rather well off - but we are so it really isn't jealousy but embarrasement on my friends behalf when she is rude to them about what they wear or where they live) so I tacked Tarquin and told him that I didn't want her coming on my hen weekend because she was a liar and a complete dope to think that my friends wouldn't tell me what she had been saying. He said fine but she lies because it is part of her condition - depressed people do it to seek attention he said - I said no they don't as far as I am concerned she does it to gain attention when she isn't the centre of it and he said she would be alright when she had another baby - my answer was that I wouldn't trust someone who had no idea of the difference between fantasy and reality with a dog let alone a child and she needed help before she had a baby - he said that it was his call and I haven't seen him since although DH does!

That is only some of the things she has done - she lies constantly and I haven't spoken to her since our wedding when I said hello to her and then ignored her for the rest of the day. She went around telling everyone at our wedding that she thought it was bad form not having a sit down meal - it was my second marraige and we really didn't want to do all of the pomp and circumstance.

Anyway last night DH told me he was playing croquet with Tarquin today (DH is soooo not a croquet player BTW - he is golf or footy not a Tarquin kinda guy!) - and that he expected after speaking to Tarquin last week to be told that him and Maude were going to get married - I said I will not be attending - she is nuts and I really couldn't be doing with pretending to be nice to someone all day as it was hypocritical - there will be lots of champers though and probably good food - DH has asked me to come along for him and that I will be alright after a couple of drinks.

Would you go?

MadameCastafiore Thu 04-Sep-08 17:01:46

Bloody hell sorry it is long!

Oh and they are not Tarquin and Maude I have taken artistic licence to hide their identities!

pigleto Thu 04-Sep-08 17:05:21

don't go. stick to your guns.

RubySlippers Thu 04-Sep-08 17:05:36

yes, i would go

manic depression is a serious illness - not sure why you need to add "she is MAD"

your friend loves her enough to marry her so i think you put your feelings aside and be pleasant

what would your refusal achieve? More bad feeling?

Lauriefairycake Thu 04-Sep-08 17:07:01

why would you go to the wedding of someone you don't like ?

Don't stress, she's not your sort, just don't go (if invited)

flippingannoyed Thu 04-Sep-08 17:07:19

I would go and make comments about how fat she looks in her dress to her friends and family LOL but I am a bitch hmmmm She sounds nuts but yeah you should go for your husband just try and avoid contact with her its a wedding shouldnt be too hard. Also get her a dress for a size 28 and wrap it up and give as an annoymous present lol see how she likes it

RubySlippers Thu 04-Sep-08 17:07:43

well it would be supportive of her husband too - he would like her to go

nametaken Thu 04-Sep-08 17:07:56

just go and enjoy the hospitality!!!!!! Then get drunk and tell her she looks like a big fat meringue in her dress (no only joking) - she will be very busy on the day so you won't have to talk to her much, if at all.

Have you been invited then, or are you just assuming you will be?

lulumama Thu 04-Sep-08 17:09:33

if she has manic depression a lot of her 'mad' behaviour will stem from that

so go

and support your Dh

you don;t sound terribly understanding about mental illness

MadameCastafiore Thu 04-Sep-08 17:09:43

Oh we wil be invited I can assure you - I wish we weren't - I could go and raise eyebrows and wear white and be a cow but DH would be fuming and he is good friends with Tarquin although I think he looks like PC Plum and is a knob!

flippingannoyed Thu 04-Sep-08 17:12:21

Yeah to be fair if she has Bi-polar which is now manic depression you should be more supportive or understanding maybe she doe's not mean to be so mean etc

But yep go for your husbands sake if anything

MadameCastafiore Thu 04-Sep-08 17:12:48

No I am not understanding about someone who bad mouths me at my hen night and wedding and makes up huge lies to get attention - it is rideculous behaviour and her DP panders to it rather than getting it sorted - DH reckons she just is a loon and she has said to him that she played on the mental illness to get paid off sick from her job so I don't really believe that she is that bad to not be able to tell fantasy from reality!

IfYouDidntLaughYoudCry Thu 04-Sep-08 17:13:21

TBH I would go. Really because I think your DH wants you to and he is there for Tarquin who I assume you like?

But if you really think that you will find the whole thing unbearable and your DH isn't too bothered then leave it.

I understand that Maude has maybe ruined some of your wedding or hen night memories but if she is a manic depressive then (and I don't know a lot about the subject) I assume it really isn't intentional?? Would she be very upset if you didn't go?

Or you could just think yummy food, lots of free champers, how bad can it be?

etchasketch Thu 04-Sep-08 17:14:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lulumama Thu 04-Sep-08 17:14:35

people don;t get dianosed with bi polar and signed off work for ;acting' mad.

she might lie and attention seek due to her illness

or she might be a really nasty person

or a combination of the two

either way, you should go and treat it as a nice night out for you and your DH

they must like you both to invite you

etchasketch Thu 04-Sep-08 17:15:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suey2 Thu 04-Sep-08 17:16:22

suck it up and go. Be nice to her (with witnesses if you think she will misrepresent how you behave). She has a mental illness, it is up to you to be a good person. You will hardly speak to her anyway and you should support your husband: not going may put him in a bad position

IfYouDidntLaughYoudCry Thu 04-Sep-08 17:16:35

It is worrying that the problems aren't getting sorted though.

Oh I see you don't like Tarquin either. Hmm I would go and try to see it as a night for you and DH to enjoy together. I do love weddings though !

only1malteaser Thu 04-Sep-08 17:17:29

Is she manic depressive though?

Upwind Thu 04-Sep-08 17:18:52

So basically you are still in a huff because she did not behave well on your hen night? Though you knew she suffered from manic depression?

You sound extraordinarily self absorbed.

IfYouDidntLaughYoudCry Thu 04-Sep-08 17:19:05

Agree with Lulu - from the info we've been given it's hard for us to form an opinion on her state of mind etc but it won't do any harm to go, it might do a little bit of harm not to go.

Elasticwoman Thu 04-Sep-08 17:21:19

So - dp wants to go to the wedding because he is friends with Tarquin. He wants you to go to support him. Am I right so far?

How do you feel about forcing yourself to go just to the service, and then bowing out of the rest of the festivities due to some excuse eg to do with your dc, leaving dp to represent your family at the drinking and jollifying? (It's a hard life but some one's got to do it!)

2beornot2be Thu 04-Sep-08 17:21:29

MadameCastafiore has she been told by the DR she has Bi polar??? Is she on AD's I know you don't get signed off work for it but you should have a read up on it as it may explain alot of her actions

masalachameleon Thu 04-Sep-08 17:21:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadameCastafiore Thu 04-Sep-08 17:21:34

Right I have no idea - she tells everyone she is manic depressive but she doesn't take anything for it since giving up work and getting her pay out.

She does bizarre things other than what I have listed like volunteering to help impoverished kids in the community and then huffing out after shouting at them for not saying thank you for things when they have no idea that that is the right way to behave, she just doesn't see anyone else or their problems really outside ofher own, she wants to be a samaritan or a paramedic so she can help people when she really seems like she needs the help herself - I am I suppose just not nice enough to put up with it and understand her illness if that is what she has - I just think she is an attention seekr - maybe I am just mean though!

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