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to say no? I then have two very upset children on my hands!!

(15 Posts)
onthepier Wed 03-Sep-08 16:46:27

I have a close friend I've known for years, + we both have two dc's of around the same ages.

We do all see each other a lot, but my friend's dd, (aged 9), never wants the sessions to end.

If I've had them at my house all day, which I quite often do as their mum works in the school holidays, she'll say to her mum as she comes to collect them late afternoon, "Can you just sit + have a cup of tea with "Onthepier" so we can play longer?"

There was one time recently when I'd looked after them all day, we'd all gone together to my friend's son's party, not due to finish until 6.30 pm, then she asks her mum if we can all go over + watch his brother open his presents in the evening! She'd asked my daughter first so she was pestering me too! I hesitated, but bearing in mind the dc's were back to school the next day, it was getting late + I had a lot to do, I said no. Could feel that my friend didn't really want to take up an evening either.

Then I've got my daughter crying + her friend looking at me as if I'm awful! Often she's run up to me after school before speaking to her mum, asking if they can all come round mine, when I've had a busy day + just need a few hours to sort stuff out. She then looks at her mum, who says "I don't know, it's up to "Onthepier", it really puts me on the spot!

My children don't seem that comfortable staying over there by themselves, otherwise that would be an option. Hers are more than happy to come to mine without their mum, but they do get every single toy out, meaning a huge clear up session later.

This has happened a lot now, sometimes I say yes + other times no, but I work part of the week myself + my time is precious!

starzzz Wed 03-Sep-08 16:51:13

Hi.. new to the whole giving advice / opinion thing, but though id give it a go. Have you asked your DD why she doesnt like going to her friends house? Maybe there is something / someone at the friends that makes them uncomfortable, or maybe it isnt a happy environment there?

Other than that, i think you will have to start giving the friend certain days that she can come and visit, and possible say she can only stay until such and such a time?

Sorry if not alot of help.

andiem Wed 03-Sep-08 16:54:03

put your foot down now
I am in a bit of a situation with a friend where I look after her dd in the holidays and tbh she is a bit of a pain like this as well.
I thnk it is very easy to feel guilty for something that you shouldn't so I would just say no really sorry we have things to do and smile sweetly

AMumInScotland Wed 03-Sep-08 16:56:34

YANBU - if it's not convenient to you, then you just have to say so. She sounds exhausting!

zwiggy Wed 03-Sep-08 17:02:07

yanbu, keep up the good parenting. and if the kids don't like you then thats a bonus imo wink

Tortington Wed 03-Sep-08 17:04:03

yanbu - you really need to say "tough titties sweetie, am busy"

ronshar Wed 03-Sep-08 17:08:42

yanbu. As already said maybe have a fixed day and a fixed leaving time so it is clear before they start to play.

I have a good friend who has 2 DS. The destroy everything in thier path. It is a shock to both my DDs as they have been --dragged up-- brought uo to respect property especially things that dont belong to them.
I am going to have to stop them coming to our house nowsad

nametaken Wed 03-Sep-08 19:56:14

YANBU - if it isn't convenient for people to come round just politely say so. So what if a kid has a tantrum just because you said the word no.

RhinestoneCowgirl Wed 03-Sep-08 20:00:20

YANBU - it's ok to say no sometimes. Must take my own advice regarding neighbours kids...

AbbaFan Wed 03-Sep-08 20:15:10

Tricky - IMO the mum should be stepping in and stopping her DD asking. Sounds like her DD knows how to get what she wants.

onthepier Thu 04-Sep-08 16:44:55

Thanks for all your posts, I really need to nip this in the bud now, especially as this family live in our road + kids are getting to the age where they can just come over + knock on the door!

They've already asked if we're free this week + I've said no, but have offered one afternoon next week. STARZZZ, my dd doesn't seem to feel comfortable round there as my friend's dd is quite scheming, will try to involve her in all sorts of things she doesn't want to do. Think my dd feels if I'm there I can keep an eye on things. Her mum tends to put drinks/biscuits out for them + get on with things, (wish I could!)

For example recently this little girl had it in her head that her + my dd were going to do a cake + toy sale outside her house, + talked my dd into it. I knew nothing of this until they came out of school with posters, price tags etc they'd made, with my friend's dd insisting that her mum had agreed to it. Of course my friend knew nothing about it, + her daughter made it look as if it was all my dd's idea! Again, tears from both of them, we said no obviously!

I try not to hang around the school gates chatting now, just pick my two up + go, which alleviates the problem if they haven't already seen me!

babyinbelly Thu 04-Sep-08 16:55:40

I would say that now back at school they can only come over on a friday or saturday as your child has homework/chores/other to do on a school night. That way they will stop asking constantly and you and your dd get a break.

flippingannoyed Thu 04-Sep-08 16:57:07

onthepier can you not get your DC's to meet you somewhere just outside of the school or something to avoid the Little girl

AbbeyA Thu 04-Sep-08 16:58:51

YANBU. They are manipulating to get their own way by turning on the tears-just ignore it. I have got mine used to giving prior notice if they want to do something that involves me. I can't always drop everything to accommodate their wishes.

handbagqueen Thu 04-Sep-08 17:06:45

Since my DD started school I have told her she can have a friend to play and stay for tea every Friday - this has stopped all the odd requests for playdates during the week when there really isn't time. I also get her to plan who she wants to come over in advance so I can arrange it with the Mums without the children around to so the parents can make a decision without pester power.

My sister had a problem with her DD and her best friend who was really manipulative, she dealt with it by keeping them apart outside of school for a couple of weeks and arranging outings with other children from school. This seemed to have sorted the problem out, they are still best friends but just not so demanding.

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