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AIBU?

To feel uncomfortable when fil interacts with my ds?

26 replies

rosalina72 · 02/09/2008 15:27

I'm not even sure what it is that makes me uneasy about the way fil interacts with my 5 month baby, it's just a sensation I get. It just creeps me out. The weird thing is that I don't dislike the man or anything but for some reason I don't like him kissing or holding my baby. Has this ever happened to any of you? Am I just being very over protective and irrational?

OP posts:

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maidamess · 02/09/2008 15:28

Is he a bit awkward? I think maybe you are being a little over protective...unless he's done something specifically creepy.

mehgalegs · 02/09/2008 15:30

First of all have you revealed all relevant info in your OP? Otherwise we'll all storm in saying YABU andthen you'll go and tells us more info about your FIL and we will all have to back track.

From what you have said I would say YABU and overprotective.

SlartyBartFast · 02/09/2008 15:31

do you like fil?

solidgoldbrass · 02/09/2008 15:31

Are the men in your own family more reserved, physically, and traditionally 'masculine'? Ie are you somehow subconsciously thinking that adult men shouldn't kiss and cuddle babies? (not out of any pervy peedo panic, more that there is something 'unmanly' about it)?

onepieceoflollipop · 02/09/2008 15:33

Does your fil remind you of any other men that you dislike/have had problems with?

This may sound odd, but I have a very difficult relationship with my own father (who I don't see anymore) and on occasion if I am with another man who displays similar mannerisms/behaviour as my dad it makes me feel very unsettled and disturbed. (and is obviously irrational in my case)

ForeverOptimistic · 02/09/2008 15:34

YABU.

MrsTittleMouse · 02/09/2008 15:36

Actually, I'm going to buck the trend here. I don't think that you should actually do anything about it. I mean, your FIL is hardly going on holiday alone with your baby or anything. But I had bad gut instincts about two adults when I was young, and have found out since that both had "issues" with children. I was never abused myself, by the way. Is that the kind of thing that you mean?

wigparty · 02/09/2008 16:43

From your OP, and if you haven't any more relevant info to add, then I feel very for your FIL.

rosalina72 · 02/09/2008 16:57

Hi, sorry I didn't give too much background info but that's because there isn't much info to give. I would say that it's something like what mrstittlemouse said. It's more of a gut instinct rather than something specific he has done. I don't dislike him normally though I do find him a bit bossy at times. He doesn't remind me of anyone in my past and I don't normally have issues with men cuddling kissing babies. But this man bothers me when he kisses/cuddles my baby. It's something in my gut that makes me cringe.

OP posts:

Ronaldinhio · 02/09/2008 17:12

Stick to your gut, instincts beat reasoning imho
YANBU

wigparty · 02/09/2008 18:00

You can't help how you feel rosalina, but I do feel sorry for your FIL if he's done nothing to warrant that feeling.

What is your Dp/Dh's relationship with him like? Has anything been said in the past that might have sparked off the feeling for you?

rosalina72 · 02/09/2008 18:32

DH relationship with his father is rather superficial. I think in the past fil was very critical and reserved towards all his children. All the cuddles & kisses now seem a little out of character.

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 02/09/2008 19:13

Agree with Ronaldinhio to some extent, also I would add that "gut instincts" aren't necessarily just feelings with no substance. We pick up a lot from people's non verbal communication, even if we can't always explain how we feel. That isn't to say that the fil is in the wrong of course.

wigparty · 02/09/2008 19:39

Perhaps he is regretting being so reserved as a parent of a young child, and is trying to do better this time round as a grandparent?

I think this seems like a no-win situation as you can't change a gut instinct and you're not in the wrong for how you feel, but I also feel sad for your FIL if a bit bossy is his only bad point.

Hope you sort it out

MrsTittleMouse · 02/09/2008 21:40

I think that's why I wouldn't do anything about it at the moment. FIL hasn't forced a situation where anything bad would happen, so I would keep letting him see DB, as it would be awful to deny a GP a relationship with a GC with no evidence.
On the other hand, I would not push that feeling to the back of your mind, and would always be aware of it. These things do happen, sadly.

LaylaandSethsmum · 02/09/2008 21:45

My FIL sounds a bit like yours. DH and he have had a very strained relationship in the past since he and his mum got divorced when he was little. He was never a hands on dad at all, very much in the background but metering out punishment to DH and his brother when he felt like it.
Yet he has always been very affectionate towards our children, it is like he is trying to make amens for the past without directly saying anything IYSWIM.

Onestonetogo · 02/09/2008 22:00

Message withdrawn

rosalina72 · 03/09/2008 14:41

Thanks for all your messages. I wish I could really pin point what it is that fil does that bothers me but as I said it's more of a gut instinct than a specific thing. It's very stressful though as I'm always on edge when he's around ds. Well at least he's never been left alone with ds and probably never will.

OP posts:

rosalina72 · 03/09/2008 14:43

I know it's a bit sad, but how badly would I feel if something does happen and I didn't protect my child? My first priority has to be his safety.

OP posts:

DGirl · 04/09/2008 16:03

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I like my FIL (step FIL) but I can't stand him around my DS. He seems harmless but he's so incredibly thick.

I just feel uneasy and weird about it, too. It's like he's awkward but really trying and it's all wrong. And I think it makes me uneasy that he's not a parent and not genetically attached to my DS IYSWIM.

I wouldn;t say anything though.

ThinWhiteDuchess · 04/09/2008 16:11

DGirl, we don't have the same (step) FIL do we?? I cannnot stand my FIL around DD, all he does is hiss at her. I feel like screaming at him FFS!!!! You're driving me mad with all that hissing, no wonder DD screeches every time she sees you.

Trust your gut Rosalina.

ThinWhiteDuchess · 04/09/2008 16:13

BTW, I have often considered posting a question on MN to ask how the hell do I stop FIL hissing at my DD!?

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DGirl · 04/09/2008 16:27

Eeeewww hissing? No, that would take the biscuit! I think you should start a thread on it! He just does this googoogaagaa wassawassawassawassa cheekyboycheekyboycheekyboycheekyboycheekyboy like a demented parrot. And gets all sulky and weird and freaks out if DS cries. Wonder how he'd react if I just cried lol.

DaphneMoon · 04/09/2008 16:31

Thinwhite, what do you mean by hissing I am intrigued. Like a snake?

DaphneMoon · 04/09/2008 16:33

To the OP, sorry forgot to say, YANBU, I felt like that about my ex FIL, however, I now look back and think perhaps it was just that he was very awkward.

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