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to think that my dh could have coped with dd for a couple of days and not come home early??

(46 Posts)
HappyNewYearFeet06 Mon 01-Sep-08 21:23:41

Dh took dd to his grandads yesterday and was due to come back on Weds. Well they came home today as she was being a pain.

I am soooooooo annoyed. I needed a break and I was still left with 2 dc's to look after but we all needed a break from each other after the summer holidays.

Rant over but I feel he shouldn't have come back.

elmoandella Mon 01-Sep-08 21:36:39

typical man, what more do you expect.next time send him with 3 and you bugger off somewhere else. if he comes back you wont be there. or better yet. go to hotel for a night of pampering and winwe

theSuburbanDryad Mon 01-Sep-08 21:41:26

Sorry elmoandella but it really annoys me when people say "What did you expect?" when they say their husbands or partners are being shit. As if their gender gives them an excuse for being incompetent.

I totally agree with you, though, that the OP should go away on her own for a night - everyone deserves a break! Or perhaps HappyFeet and her dh could get away together without the kids?

hecate Mon 01-Sep-08 21:41:52

No. He shouldn't. He needs to learn to cope with his children. He's their FATHER ffs!

highschoolmusical Mon 01-Sep-08 21:43:30

NBU, Can you escape somewhere else?

DanJARMouse Mon 01-Sep-08 21:47:27

I honestly cannot believe this. Are there really men out there who give up and come home because they cannot look after their child?

My DH takes all 3 of mine 200 miles to his mothers a few times a year, and its wonderful. I was supposed to be having a people free weekend this weekend, but have decided to go with them.... well i think i have! Will see how I feel on friday!

Your DH would be getting no end of shit from me if I was his DW

HappyNewYearFeet06 Mon 01-Sep-08 22:23:57

Thanks guys. He wouldn't take 2 of them let alone 3!!

Am going to try and escape! He is also tryting to make me fee bad about it. hmm

googgly Mon 01-Sep-08 22:45:26

My husband took dss 1 and 2 to a kids' museum for 3 hours when ds3 was 4 days old, then came back all matyr-like asking when I was going to "get my act together". Many sparks flew. Now he takes them all and actually tries to enjoy it.

expatinscotland Mon 01-Sep-08 22:48:55

He's not just a 'typical man'. He is a man who chose to father children with someone.

No excuse for not looking after them if he is physically capable.

'Try to escape'.

Um, no.

I would ditch his ass.

I would book a hotel for a night and pack up my bag and LEAVE him overnight for some peace.

Can't handle it, my ass.

Then don't have kids. Why is you can handle it more?

Don't give him an excuse because he has a penis. Because it isn't one.

ReallyTired Mon 01-Sep-08 22:59:24

"Well they came home today as she was being a pain."

Prehaps the granfather had had enough of his grandaughter and had wanted her to leave. Elderly people often find the company of small children exhusting even if they are not directly looking after them. Its quite common for elderly people to forget what small children were like and to be quite intolerant.

Prehaps your dh was made to feel unwelcome and had little choice.

HappyNewYearFeet06 Wed 03-Sep-08 16:39:17

Oh no grandad was fine about it. Dh has grumped since they got home as he says that all 3 dc's are 'doing his head in'. He has a week off work.

They are ony being children and they are like this all day every day and I can look after them ok as can grandparents etc....

My friend looked after our 2 youngest whist we went ito London a few weeks ago, she has 4 of her own so totalled 6 children for 5 hrs. She coped, as have I when I have looked after her children here.

Why can't dh cope with one of his, let alone 3!!!!!

LazyLinePainterJane Wed 03-Sep-08 16:54:01

Yuck, I hate this "typical man" response. I find it cop-outy and rather offensive to most men. The idea that he cannot cope with a child/the housework/remembering an anniversary simply because he has a penis is fucking ridiculous and when people use that phrase TBH I think it just makes them feel superior about themselves.

"What did you expect?" Well, I suspect that Happy expected the father of her children to be able to deal with one of them for a short amount of time, a task that could be completed by most people of very little brain.

It is rather pathetic that he came home early, I suspect that he didn't realise it would actually be work and thought he would come home and lump it all on you.

expatinscotland Wed 03-Sep-08 17:02:58

I'd leave him no choice, Happy.

Just go off and LEAVE.

Plan a day, get up before everyone in the house, leave a note saying you're going to XYZ - shopping, cinema, etc. - and bail.

HappyNewYearFeet06 Thu 04-Sep-08 20:41:49

I still need to plan my escape. Tues I went out shopping with a friend as planned before he came home early from his grandads. However, I took youngest dd with me so not the most pleasant of shopping trips and only gone a couple of hours. Went to cinema on Tues evening too.

Will plan a whole days escape.

He said to dd earlier; 'I have had enough of your behaviour over the holidays'.

Eh, he has only had the past few days off. hmm

braveandcrazy Thu 04-Sep-08 21:13:23

I think the 'what did you expect' response in understandable, because we all seem to go through the same kind of experiences with our other halves who are otherwise pretty good dads.

My dh has taken a couple of days off work to look after dd, and has gone off to his mums because it's obviously too much like hard work to look after her by himself for 2 days while I'm at work. Not at night, or at breakfast, or in the evening and bedtime, just during the day. How hard can it be?

Happynewyear make sure you take that break you deserve!

WideWebWitch Thu 04-Sep-08 21:15:35

Agree with lazylinepainterjane, absolbloodylutely

expatinscotland Thu 04-Sep-08 21:18:18

'I think the 'what did you expect' response in understandable, because we all seem to go through the same kind of experiences with our other halves who are otherwise pretty good dads.'

No, no we don't.

My husband was a SAHD for 4 years.

My Mexican-American father had no problems looking after both his daughters whilst my mother had a break on Saturdays, and that was with him working a 40+ hour/week and taking university courses every night Monday-Friday to get his petroleum engineering degree in his mid-30s.

My BIL works 60+ hours/week as an engineer and has been regularly taking his two daughters out camping on their own since they were quite young.

There's no excuse just because they have a penis. They're parents just as much as a mother and both parents need and deserve breaks.

WideWebWitch Thu 04-Sep-08 21:19:13

Agree, expat, my dh is as capable of looking after the children as I am.

SmugColditz Thu 04-Sep-08 21:23:37

Selfish twat.

Don't allow him to behave like his wishes are more important than your needs, or your needs will be forever subjegated to his wishes.

retiredgoth Thu 04-Sep-08 21:28:05

....of course he should be able to cope with one child. It sounds very much like a cop out on his part.

But, as you may imagine, I am unkeen on the "typical man" response. Many times has the assumption been made that I am unable to look after kids due to my gender. An assumption that was never made when the lovely (if fearsome) Mrs Goth walked the earth. I would often find that I had been volunteered as mass childcare whilst she and her cronies buggered off out (once, memorably, to 15 kids. Count 'em..)

These same cronies now assume me incapable, whilst being unwilling to offer aid and assuming I must be "looking for a mother for the kids"

Bollocks.

Sorry for the near hijack.... a nerve was touched!

WideWebWitch Thu 04-Sep-08 21:28:54

lol, 15 rgoth? She was taking the piss!

onepieceoflollipop Thu 04-Sep-08 21:33:15

Agree with lots of you. My dh is often seen as "suffering" - not by me, by others, when he has to "babysit" his own dcs at weekends while I work. (I am a nurse)

Some of my friends have rather lazy pathetic less "hands on" dps, and seem a bit jealous of what to us is "normal" and "reasonable".

I often want to scream when I hear these conversations about how their dp can't clean a bathroom/change a nappy properly or whatever other crap is being spouted.

OP hope you get a break very soon.

braveandcrazy Thu 04-Sep-08 21:33:56

Expat I think that dads in general are better at certain aspects of fatherhood than others, eg taking them out and about on trips and to cafes rather than keeping them occupied at home all day with everything that comes with that, games, crafts, cooking, housework etc. I think your dh and father are the exception rather than the rule. Does anyone agree or is it just me?

So should I be annoyed that my dh cannot stay at home for 2 days with dd (who is 4 btw).

braveandcrazy Thu 04-Sep-08 21:33:57

Expat I think that dads in general are better at certain aspects of fatherhood than others, eg taking them out and about on trips and to cafes rather than keeping them occupied at home all day with everything that comes with that, games, crafts, cooking, housework etc. I think your dh and father are the exception rather than the rule. Does anyone agree or is it just me?

So should I be annoyed that my dh cannot stay at home for 2 days with dd (who is 4 btw).

retiredgoth Thu 04-Sep-08 21:37:51

...piss taking was one of the lovely (if fearsome) Mrs Goth's finest skills...

I was also the local NHS Walk in Centre...

"bring little x along, he'll sort it!"

Sadly, some of them still do...

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