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is dh being unreasonable to not to want to walk his mother down the isle?

(26 Posts)
mum2samandalex Mon 01-Sep-08 17:42:31

Its a classic toxic parent relationship.Shes been totally unsupportive of us just because she didnt like me taking her ds away. She didnt even look at my engagement ring or meet my family. We ended up going away to get married as an excuse for them not to come because we knew theyd spoil it and so they snubbed our wedding pictures and didnt even send us a card or congratulate us.Plus she had disowned dh prior to this and even her gs because we were buying a house near my mum and she was jealous that gs would see more of my family even though she wont admit this.She was jealous when i was pregnant with her first gc that my mum came with me to the scans basically she had ruined every happy occassion by having a temper tantum.

She always moans how dh has hurt her-hes done nothingexcept grow up.
Dh and her havent spoke in in over three years and since then we have a new ds whos 7 mths now she didnt event congratulate us on that when dh thought he'd better tell her the news out of respect. She hasnt come round once to see him or asked how he was. And now out of the blue she and fil are renewing their vowels (even though she has always told me and dh that she hates him and wished she never married him) and wants dh to walk her down the isle. She didnt even ask him herself fil rang him!!!!

CountessDracula Mon 01-Sep-08 17:43:45

I would tell her to stuff it

TheArmadillo Mon 01-Sep-08 17:44:09

he is not BU.

I wouldn't see why he should walk her down the aisle in light of her previous behaviour.

She's looking for a way to claw him back in.

Tell him to keep away.

mum2samandalex Mon 01-Sep-08 17:44:53

oh and she told us engagement parties and weddings were a waste of money but was completeyl different when it was her own daughter and now herself

mum2samandalex Mon 01-Sep-08 17:47:13

she loves being the centre of attention and now hes getting hell from his siblings because hes said no under the circumstances. Why should he shes made no effort to build bridges and he feels it just a complete show to the rest of the family

brimfull Mon 01-Sep-08 17:49:40

good god

she's a loon

he be mad to accept

mum2samandalex Mon 01-Sep-08 17:51:11

oh and the best bit her daughters marriage litterally ended friday night and theyve announced their remarriage yesterday!!!!

JuneBugJen Mon 01-Sep-08 17:53:02

Not sure about this one. She sounds like a fool, but perhaps this is the way of building bridges?

BroccoliSpears Mon 01-Sep-08 17:54:04

Not unreasonable.

mum2samandalex Mon 01-Sep-08 17:57:39

yes june but we had a baby 7mths ago and she didnt see him or congratulate us and she didnt even ask dh herself fil did via the phone.Shes had 3 years to build bridges and in that time dh as actually actually asked her to meet him to sort things out but she has made no appology or taken back what she said whichmade hime think that she could just do it again and she hasnt changed.Gs doesnt even know her so unless shes changed we dont want to build bridges we dont want ds to get attached.

pointydog Mon 01-Sep-08 17:58:51

depends how big the isle is - bo-boom.

To answer your question, it all sounds very complicated. Depends to what extent your dh wants to try to patch the relationship.

JuneBugJen Mon 01-Sep-08 17:59:15

in which case, it would be a bridge to a very strange and scarey place and probably not worth building!

What does your DH feel about it?

mum2samandalex Mon 01-Sep-08 18:06:05

well dh wants her to admit her wrongs and cant belive he'd ask him after they waay she was about us and her gc. She said once she wouldnt even go to our wedding!

mum2samandalex Mon 01-Sep-08 18:08:04

but the most hurtful thing of all is he feels she casted us aside and we didnt even do anything wrong and for 3 years she hasnt picked up the phone and like i said its even omre hurtful shes ignored our children.

mum2samandalex Mon 01-Sep-08 18:17:35

dh is fuming and says he has no emotionally ties with his mum and doesnt even love her hes so cut up with resentment and bitterness towards her for the way shes treated him im really worried for him.All he wanted was for her to take it back and she hasnt even picked up the phone

mum2samandalex Mon 01-Sep-08 18:17:36

dh is fuming and says he has no emotionally ties with his mum and doesnt even love her hes so cut up with resentment and bitterness towards her for the way shes treated him im really worried for him.All he wanted was for her to take it back and she hasnt even picked up the phone

Kimi Mon 01-Sep-08 18:21:52

I think she just wants to put on a show of happy family's and its all a bit ME ME ME.

I think you need to write her off as a nut job and stay well away

shatteredmumsrus Mon 01-Sep-08 18:29:53

Tell her to shove her request!

pamelat Mon 01-Sep-08 19:09:25

It would be hypocritical (spl?!) to do it.

Why does she want to show something publically which isnt really there?

Tclanger Mon 01-Sep-08 19:10:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mum2samandalex Mon 01-Sep-08 19:13:20

think youve it the nail on the head pamelat surely bridges should be built first before theyve even asked and she didnt even ask

scanner Mon 01-Sep-08 19:18:10

sorry, had to chuckle at renew their vowels - the pedants will have a field day grin.

pointydog Mon 01-Sep-08 19:45:46

lol - I hadn't noticed that.

ayyyyyy eeeeeeeee

Tommy Mon 01-Sep-08 19:48:37

agree with everyone else but also wanted to say.... surely if they are renewing their vows, she and hubby should walk down the aisle together hmm

mum2samandalex Mon 01-Sep-08 20:37:03

she prob wants to re-enact the whole wedding scence. She was supposed to have had a breakdown the other week according to sibblings who were trying to get dh to speak to her i know if i had a breakdown i wouldnt have wanted to plan a wedding she is a complete attention seeker!!!! I feel very angry that she has so lttile respect for dh that she couldnt even ask him herself face to face.

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