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expecting a bedtime routine to work so early??

(22 Posts)
alex12 Sun 31-Aug-08 09:58:35

my ds is 9 weeks..HV advised bedtime routine as early as possible, so have been bathing feeding, cuddling then putting him to bed at roughly 7pm each night, then we cook and eat. He's not always tired at this time, so we're using a dummy to soothe him, and since this keeps falling out and he's still in a moses basket, have him downstairs with us so we can keep popping it back in til he sleeps. Once he does go off to sleep he's a v deep sleeper but it's getting hime off to sleep in the first place and still managing to eat ourselves.....does anyone have any advice? So many people I know do the last feed then keep their children downstairs til they're sleepy, then take them up...but my HV was really anti this. For some daft reason this bedtime business is stressing me out beyond all belief....

TrinityRhino Sun 31-Aug-08 10:00:26

your last sentence speaks VOLUMES

try this

do whatever you feel is right for you and your baby

remember that most hv talk shite

also I dont beleive that you NEED to get a bedtime routine sorted so very very early

You can relax,enjoy your baby and sort it later

smile

PavlovtheCat Sun 31-Aug-08 10:01:58

Agree with Trinity - on all counts!

If your baby is not tired, don't put him to bed.

intravenouscoffee Sun 31-Aug-08 10:05:36

Do YOU want to get him into a night time routine? If it's stressing you out - stop! Motherhood is stressful enough without doing things that you feel you ought to be doing. Some babies settle into a routine quite quickly, other take a while to find a pattern. Please don't stress.

tiggerlovestobounce Sun 31-Aug-08 10:08:10

Far too early to worry about a bedtime routine. If it was working for you then fine, but with a 9 week old baby you have enough to do without deliberatly making your life harder.

spicemonster Sun 31-Aug-08 10:10:04

I really wish I'd ignored all the people who told me to get my DS into a routine when he was really little - it just stressed me out and I used to dread evenings.

I think it's pointless trying to get a baby into a routine before they're about 12 weeks tbh - they don't seem to have the ability to learn it.

CJMommy Sun 31-Aug-08 10:10:17

We didn't have a 'routine' til DS was about 5 months old, and that was what he did himself. As soon as I realised that we had a routine, he changed it!! Do what your baby wants when he wants it - your HV is talking bollox!

juuule Sun 31-Aug-08 10:11:37

We took ours up when we went up.

Ignore HV and do what you feel comfortable with.

alex12 Sun 31-Aug-08 10:12:43

thanks for such support...new to motherhood and this site so higeky appreciated!
I'd like him to be in a routine i cos he doesn't sleep during the day and by 7 you can see he's exhausted but fights it. i wasn't clear in my first post- tried doing this routine upstairs in his room but once he's in the basket he cries, so we give him the dummy, it falls out, we go back upstairs put it back in etc etc. that's why we now have the basket downstairs to make it quicker to pop it back in! feel a bit selfish wanting some time to sit and eat in (mostly) peace, and i guess whilst this works for us now, he's going to outgrow the basket soon and then i don't know what to try!!

Eddas Sun 31-Aug-08 10:14:09

IMO with young babies you have to follow what they want to do. If they are tired let them sleep, if they're not leave them awake. They cannot understand things like bedtime routines. He will get into a routine at some point but it's not really necessary to push them into one. Once they are in a routine you can adjust it to suit you.

And I agree most HV talk bollocksgrin
Enjoy him whilst he's so cute and tiny smile

3andnomore Sun 31-Aug-08 10:14:23

to early for a routine and if it stresses you out more than anything...hmm...surely not the bes think.

I think the best is, to establish a certain rythm, but a routine as such!
Tbh, in the early weeks I think getting up at roughly the same time helps the best to get a bedtime rythm settled...iykwim....

LaVieEnRose Sun 31-Aug-08 10:17:30

we've only just got a bedtime routine sorted and ds is 10 months old! a routine wouldn't have worked for him before about 7 months because he was still needing a third sleep during the day which meant he wasn't going down for the night until about 8ish.

I think 9 weeks is very early. As you say, your ds is not tired when you try and settle him at 7. He's possibly still on a 24 hour clock rather than understanding that 7pm means bedtime.

I honestly don't think there is much point until they don't need food during the night (or at least not every 2 or 3 hours!). Also, once they cut down on daytime sleep they are tired enough by 7ish to go to seep and stay asleep but this may not happen got months yet!

Please don't stress. i remember saying to dh "when are we going to get our evenings back?" This when ds was only 3 months old, I just couldn't see a time when he would have any kind of routine, he just seemed to sleep at different times each day and night! We would try and get him to sleep by 7 or 8 each night but it never worked until ds wanted it too!

Anyway, my point is (finally!) is that ds just kind of put himself in his own routine and we just built a bedtime routine around him. He's now in bed asleep by 6.30 each night and (usually) sleeps through!

Sorry that was longer than I thought blush

IAteDavinaForDinner Sun 31-Aug-08 10:25:32

Totally roll with it. Too early to stress about routines and bad habits.

The only thing I will say is your baby will go to sleep more easily if they're not too tired so work hard on naps. Looking back i would have made more of an effort to at least have some quiet time in a dark room from a very early age, so they got the idea that naptime meant no stimulation.

IAteDavinaForDinner Sun 31-Aug-08 10:26:42

"work hard on naps" - badly worded, sorry. Do whatever it takes to encourage napping because bedtimes get easier when they're not overtired. So, walks in the pram, wearing them in a sling, or rocking/feeding to sleep in the daytime. Not hard work so much as sustained effort wink

alex12 Sun 31-Aug-08 10:26:43

thanks everyone
been so determined he needs to sleep by early eve cos he hasn't sleopt during the day...just need to try n relax i guess

jellyforbrains Sun 31-Aug-08 10:37:04

If you are worried about what to do when he outgrows basket then you could keep a travel cot downstairs (if you have room for one and are getting one anyway). That's what we have done with our 3, and our 3rd (6wks old) now spends the evening dozing in the travel cot in between feeds until I am ready to go up to bed. I did use the moses basket with no 1 until he was bigger, but went straight to travel cot with nos 2 & 3 for downstairs sleeping. It saves running up and downstairs to check on the baby and they have seemed to nap better if we are around.

However much I feed her beforehand though she always manages to wake up and cry the second we sit down to eat!

jellyforbrains Sun 31-Aug-08 10:41:35

I agree with Davina on the naps thing. If they have at least one they won't be overtired. My DC1 was not keen on naps wither though, and I had to go on long walks to get him off to sleep.

Overall though I wouldn't get stressed about a routine at this age.

bellabelly Sun 31-Aug-08 10:44:57

Personally, I'd have thought he'd find it more difficult to settle to sleep if he is downstairs with you.

mamaberta Sun 31-Aug-08 10:52:02

baby #1 took to a bedtime routine like a dream
baby #2 had other ideas - fortunately i knew by the time she came along that my hv is best avoided (if the kids are ill we see the gp)

unless your hv lives at your house shock it really is none of her business hmm. hvs can be obsessive about measuring and weighing everything - apparently STTN is the gold standard of good parenting wink - your child is an individual - i bet without hv's interference you and he can find your own groove

FWIW lots of mothers find avoiding a weekly weigh-in at baby clinic and seeking support from fellow mums (Meet a Mum, NCT, baby groups) is a lot more useful. you can gripe about colic, nappies and feckless husbands with people who are in the same boat as you.

rosmerta Sun 31-Aug-08 11:16:10

I agree with everyone else here, babies find their own routine in time and trying to put them into one too early just seems to stress everyone out.

Have to say though, I must be the only person who had a decent hv shock. She was the one who told me not to worry about routines & to throw any books I had away!

WorzselMummage Sun 31-Aug-08 11:36:54

Most HVs to talk complete bullshit it's true.

Do whatever suits you

stressbunny Sun 31-Aug-08 16:34:40

thanks for the suggestions- i think the travel cot idea may well be a help!

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