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to think I've become totally invisable since i've had ds?

(13 Posts)
nush32 Sat 30-Aug-08 08:45:39

All the people I thought were genuine friends, have left me to it. I was a bit of a party animal before ds and all my chums from my dancing days have kind of disappeared. Feel a bit let down....and quite stupid to think that they were real chums. Ds is 3.5 months....when do you start to feel like yourself again? I know my partying days are over and that's fine but I really didn't think I'd lose my friends along with it!
Sorry to moan, feeling a bit blue today....

turtle23 Sat 30-Aug-08 08:49:10

You have my life! Me too. DS is 5 months and all of those people from my "other life" have faded away. Had a party-ish weekend last weekend and felt very disjointed.

solidgoldbrass Sat 30-Aug-08 08:56:55

It's complicated maintaining friendships with your childfree mates, but remember that lots of people don't like children/don't know what to do with them/think that becoming a mother means you won't talk about anything other than nappies and tits ever again.
Your partying days are not over, either: you will get your life back in stages. 3 months is not very long to adjust and in another few months you will be wanting to hit the dancefloor againL hope you have some babysitters lined up.

nush32 Sat 30-Aug-08 09:00:20

Hi Turtle23. Do you think we'll ever feel like our old selves again? I can't wait to have a part-ish weekend! But no one to babysit ds...all my family in the states. Plus I'm his milking machine at the mo, so can't be too wild!

nush32 Sat 30-Aug-08 09:03:42

solidgb. Thanks for the wise words. I don't want to talk about nappies and tit's either! Good to know things will feel normal again.

turtle23 Sat 30-Aug-08 09:09:29

nush...snap. My family are all in Canada and US. DH was partying, I was trying to keep up while running off to express. I went to bed early, but at least it felt like I was trying! Whereabouts are you?

PavlovtheCat Sat 30-Aug-08 09:14:16

There is a statistic cant remember what it is, but a large % of your friends disappears when you have a child.

I think it happens to most people, most of those who are childless at least.

My friends dwindled significantly, however now DD is 2, I seem some of those from time to time too, but I now have a smaller, stronger group of friends, those who are no longer around. Those who are around now adore DD and would do anything for me (and have), and I would do the same (and have). Some have children, some don't. I also have become closer to some friends who have children, and made new friends too.

I also felt let down for a long time, but that soon gave way to a feeling that things change, some friends are transient, some stay, but only a minority of people have more than a handful of really really close friends.

solidgoldbrass Sat 30-Aug-08 09:14:40

When my DS was a newborn I felt a bit like that too: Im a single parent and for the first year or so always felt like I had to justify any outings (which I could at least do as I genuinely do write club reviews and therefore need to go clubbing), was also determined to keep up my morris dancing and simply took DS with me. He is 3 now and though I am obviously not back to my out-five-nights-a-week pre-motherhood self I do see my friends regularly, but then I have DS dad to look after DS when I want to go out grin

Like I say, give yourselves time: the big thinkg with having newborns is the sleep deprivation which means that when you do go out you often want your bed by 9.30pm - but that gets steadily better.

PavlovtheCat Sat 30-Aug-08 09:19:03

Sorry I think that sounded really negative!

I go out now, less than before and I talk about things other than DD! And I think I actually enjoy going out more now as it happens less, I don't take it for granted. And I prefer different things now, much prefer a good restuarant to a club these days!

My family are all in US too, so we have less babysitters, but once DD turned one, that changed as I, and our friends felt more comfortable sitting for her. We probably go out once a month together now, although we go out seperately as well.

nush32 Sat 30-Aug-08 09:20:57

Turtle...I'm in West Acton, london. What about you?

nush32 Sat 30-Aug-08 09:20:58

Turtle...I'm in West Acton, london. What about you?

nush32 Sat 30-Aug-08 09:23:26 didn't sound negative! You sounded realistic and I appreciate that.

turtle23 Sat 30-Aug-08 09:27:43

South London/Surrey. I'm sure we'll be out and about soon. It's tough not having babysitters, but am sure I will feel more like going out when I get some more sleep! (growth spurt hell)

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