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AIBU?

to think that small children shouldn't be bullied into playing party games?

17 replies

Joolyjoolyjoo · 30/08/2008 00:27

Ok, bit of background. My dd1 is 4 and started school 2 wks ago. She was invited to her first party last Wednesday. The mum had invited the whole class, which is a composite p1/p2 class to the party and organised a children's "entertainer" to organise the games etc. As my dd was a bit reluctant I decided to stay to make sure she was ok, and she was, after a bit of a slow start. My concern came from another little boy, whose mum said he had been reluctant to attend the party as he didn't really like parties. His mum left, but his granny stayed with him. The little boy was sitting watching from the side. Mum organising the party and the entertainer guy tried to get him to join in, and he politely said no.

He wasn't upset, or clinging to his granny. He just didn't want to play. I thought that was fair enough, but throughout the whole party the entertainer harangued him and the host-mum cajoled him, putting him on the spot in front of all the other kids, putting pressure on him to play- actually plaeding with him, saying that if he played this game, he wouldn't have to play any others! He kept refusing.

the entertainer started boasting that he had never been "beaten" and that he WOULD get this little boy to play- all sorts of incentives were given to try to persuade him, but he wouldn't give in. His granny was getting embarrassed, but I was getting mad! She started saying to me, apologetically, that he was actually a "great" wee boy- I agreed. I said he was obviously a little boy who knew his own mind, and didn't give in to pressure, and that was to be commended.

The host-mum and entertainer continued to harass him and he he continued to hold out. Finally he decided he was ready to join in a game, and the entertainer did a big "See! I KNEW I'd do it!" which royally pissed me off- the kid decided to play because a game came up that interested him, that's all!!

Now, I may well be being clouded by the fact that the entertainer seemed awful to me- he shouted at the kids and his joking was a bit rough. Don't get me wrong- I don't THINK I am an overprotective mother, but maybe I am. I just felt that the priority wsa that the little boy should join in with the others to please the adults rather than himself. Again, I appreciate that there are things in life that kids have to do whether they actually want to or not, and I have no qualms about that, but the assumptions that ALL children WILL enjoy ALL party games is ludicrous to me, and I don't see party games in the realm of "things they need to do"- surely it should be about them having fun?

I actually left the party feeling quite upset. It was like that little boy's wants were completely overridden, and his personal feelings about party games were irrelevant. He was just happy to sit quietly and watch the other kids, then eat a bit of cake, but that wasn't allowed, somehow. Again, I have to admit that watching my own dd looking lost and a bit bemused throughout the games, in the midst of a lot of older, more confident children, may have affected my judgement somewhat, but I really felt quite strongly about the way the situation was handled, and I think his granny was a bit hacked off too, but didn't want to make a scene.

Or am I being unreasonable? DO all childen love party games, if only they can be persuaded to join in by random adults?

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354kidz · 30/08/2008 00:55

many many times my son who was very shy at parties got "harrassed" but then i had to stp in many a time in saying look he doesnt want to join him so can u leave him now ( wiv a stern look) as many times he has ended up crying cause the person has gone on and on which in the end i get angry as the other mum's start on him!
So i do understand the problem here and i understand the entertainer has a job to do but at the end of the day he has to leave a party wiv all the kids smiling and not upset!!
Don't know if helped just putting my experience across..