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Not so much "Am I" but "was he" ....

(23 Posts)
pamelat Fri 29-Aug-08 09:53:04

We went to a wedding last Friday of close friends.

Just found out yesterday that at said wedding another friend was basically verbally assaulted by a bloke that we all loosely know.

It went along the lines of ....

Him "I cant believe that you dont let your DH play football on Sat afternoons"

Her "I do but I dont want him playing away games as it takes all day and I am with the kids all week and want him to be around on a Sat"

Him " Fxxxxx Hell, you sit on your arse all week with your kids whilst he goes off to work and you dont let him have his Saturdays"

Her "Excuse me but I do not "sit on my arse all week" and i used to do stuff on Saturdays that I can no longer do"

Him "Its a fxxxxxx joke" blah blah blah.

She ended up crying and going home.

She has a 4 month old and a 3 year old. She is only off work on maternity leave and normally works 3 days a week - not that that should be relevant.

He was very drunk and has 2 grown up teenage kids, he had no involvement in their upbringing. In fact, he doesnt treat his wife very well at all.

I think its completely out of order? My friend went home as she didnt want to cause a scene at a wedding.

Her DH never stood up for her (he is lovely but not confrontational at all)

In fact drunken bloke apologised to HIM (after seeing my friend cry) and he said "oh no worries"!!

My friend has now fallen out with her DH for not sticking up for her. Drunken bloke is a loose acquaintance of his. She wants him to call him and tell him that it wasnt an acceptable way to talk to his wife - what do you think?

My DH thinks leave it be.

I personally would have thrown my drink on him (minus the glass!)

sagacious Fri 29-Aug-08 09:55:43

He was drunk.
I would have laughed and said "yeah well whatever"

I certainly wouldn't have gone home.

Lazarou Fri 29-Aug-08 09:55:59

Leave it. The bloke was drunk, does his opinion really matter?

sagacious Fri 29-Aug-08 09:57:29

Oh and calling him up ?
Crikey bit over the top

What does your friend want.. him to take it outside?

She should have stood up for herself its not the sodding 1800's.

TheCrackFox Fri 29-Aug-08 09:57:29

Why does she need her DH to stand up for her - he is her husband not her dad. She should have told him personally that he is a cock and that it wasn't any of his business how they conduct their relationship.

pamelat Fri 29-Aug-08 10:00:03

Yep but DH was sat there whilst this went on (on a group table) and could hear what was being said.

I would have expected a "its not that she wont let me, its because I don't want to/I want to see my kids" or similar.

tiredemma Fri 29-Aug-08 10:00:12

I would have just laughed at him and told him to mind his own business.

Its a bit of a fuss about nothing really.

Elmosgirl Fri 29-Aug-08 10:00:46

I don't understand why the opinion of someone you all loosely know would matter so much.

As long as she and her family are happy with what arrangements are in place surely anyone elses opinion is irrelevant and def not worth getting upset over.

CashmereKate Fri 29-Aug-08 10:01:12

He was pissed and he's a dickhead but not worth worrying about tbh. Men like this have always existed and always will. She should perhaps have stood up to him herself but he's certainly not worth worrying about.

"Verbally assaulted" is probably a bit ott imho.

pamelat Fri 29-Aug-08 10:01:43

Really, I think its really horrible.

I wouldn't expect anyone to speak to me like that.

hecate Fri 29-Aug-08 10:02:06

I think leave it - because he said "no worries". He closed the issue. He can hardly phone up now, can he?

However, that leads me to my point - he should NOT have said "no worries"! angry what kind of man allows an attack upon his wife, sees her crying and then just shrugs and says don't worry about it. Why not worry about it? Does he agree with the bloke? Did he not care that his wife was being insulted?

What she should have said, however, at the FIRST comment, was "It's none of your business". She didn't have to enter into conversation with him, or try to justify herself or convince him of anything. A simple "It is not your business" and walk away would have been the best thing.

However, 20/20 hindsight is a wonderful thing.

tiredemma Fri 29-Aug-08 10:02:46

Who are you pissed off with? The drunken man or the husband???

ChukkyPig Fri 29-Aug-08 10:03:49

Leave it - the bloke was pissed. A lot of people say stupid things when they're pissed. Not defending the bloke obviously, but I think your friend needs to try and let it go.

Also she presumably married her DH in part because of his personality. My DH is the same. I would not expect him to suddenly change it because some bloke was being an arse. I would be surprised and shocked if he did. If I wanted the sort of bloke who weighed into situations I would have married one in the first place.

pamelat Fri 29-Aug-08 10:05:16

hecate - I think you have got it spot on.

I am mildy "dissapointed" with her DH.

Although I also feel sorry for him as he was perhaps a bit scared of drunken bloke.

Just think he just have said something or at least accepted the apology.

HonoriaGlossop Fri 29-Aug-08 10:05:35

I agree she's an adult and shouldn't need her DH to fight battles for her but on this occasion her dh has acted like a complete wet blanket and wimp. It's basic COURTESY to defend your partner if you hear some drunk idiot upsetting them and basically being a sexist pig to them.

I'm not surprised she's highly disappointed in him. Agree issue is now closed but I totally understand her feeling let down by her husband. He was a coward.

Lauriefairycake Fri 29-Aug-08 10:21:19

I would no longer be friends with him if I was your friend.

But I would not expect my husband to also not be friends with him - he can choose his own friends.

And she needs to plot what to say to him next time, have some witty retorts ready, grow a spine and call him all sorts of names wink

Kimi Fri 29-Aug-08 10:30:52

Bloody hell, I would insist my DH called and said it was not in to speak to me like this, that would be after I had called the bloke himself and called him every fuckwad I could think of.

Also bye bye football forever, I would spend every Saturday out having coffee and getting my hair done while DH did his bit of parenting.

BouncingTurtle Fri 29-Aug-08 10:38:15

I think some of you might be a bit unfair on the friend - perhaps in normal circumstances she would have stood up for herself?
But perhaps she didn't want to cause a scene, and also I remember well that when my ds was 4mos he went through a horrendous growth spurt, so was waking up 5-6 times and more a night feeding, I was absolutely exhausted and still feeling a bit hormonal and vulnerable. I might have reacted the same way as this woman did if I'd be confronted like that.
The guy was rude and drunk, so his behaviour could almost be put down to alcohol. But I also know with 100% certainty that if I'd been in that situation and been upset by this man, no way would my Dh not have put him in his place.

BouncingTurtle Fri 29-Aug-08 10:39:56

Needless to say, these days, if he'd said all that stuff to me I would quite happily torn strips off him myself grin

SummatAnNowt Fri 29-Aug-08 10:41:36

I can understand her being upset, and it was definitely out of order, but she married a non-confrontational man and so is being rather unfair in expecting him to suddenly turn confrontational.

Personally, I think she shouldn't even have got into a discussion about the issue, it's nothing to do with a drunken loud-mouth.

VictorianSqualor Fri 29-Aug-08 10:45:02

I'd be fuming if my DP sat there and allowed someone to speak to me like that.

I would have quite happily told the drunk man that it was none of his fucking business and I was just grateful my DP didn't treat me the way eh treated his wife, but I would expect DP to tell him it was none of his business and that it was his choice to spend time with us at the weekend. I would also expect DP to defend my position as a SAHM, with something along the lines of 'Ha, sit on your arse all day, have you ever looked after a baby and a three yr old?!'

HonoriaGlossop Fri 29-Aug-08 10:51:18

exactly VS. My point exactly. The husband was really jelly-like to hear all that and not pipe up a word. I'd be deeply unimpressed.

kitsmummy Fri 29-Aug-08 13:52:15

I'd tell him to go fuck himself and would fully expect my DH to stick up for me and tell him where to go. And I'm sure my DH would do that too.

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