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Best friend's choice of baby name

(50 Posts)
Pinkjenny Fri 29-Aug-08 09:47:17

All opinions gratefully received. I promise not to flounce. Much. grin

OK, so my best friend is expecting her second baby in December, and doesn't know the sex. However, the boys' name she has come up with is, possibly, going to bother me a bit.

The history:
When I was 23, I was engaged to a wonderful boy who I had gone to Uni with. We had our own house, good jobs, and it looked like everything was going to be rosy in our garden. We were due to get married in September 2001. And in the June of that year, when everything, and I mean EVERYTHING was arranged, he called it off and dumped me. I moved back to my parents' house, and I was completely heartbroken. He continued to torture me for about a year, with 'Oh I'm not sure if I did the right thing, blah blah'.

Now I am fully aware that I have now been married for 4 years, I am 31, and a lot of water has gone under the bridge since then, but it really was an awful time, and I can remember those feelings like it was yesterday.

Best Friend has chosen his name for her baby if it's a boy. Obviously not as a namesake or anything!

I don't want to sound completely pathetic and bring it up with her, but I suspect if I called my baby her ex-husband's name, she might think hmm.


QuintessentialShadow Fri 29-Aug-08 09:50:09

Sorry, but Ya a bit Bu.

She likes the name, she doesnt have your history in mind, the name has totally different connotations to her.

In time you will "get over it" and see this new baby for what he is. A darling little boy called X.

FWIW, our youngest son shares the same name as a boy I dated shortly before I met dh. I told dh this when we were discussing names, and he said "so what?"

notsoteenagemum Fri 29-Aug-08 09:51:29

The thing is once baby is born and has that name you will associate the name with friends lovely baby and not hateful ex.

Pinkjenny Fri 29-Aug-08 09:51:37

It's so funny, someone has just posted the name in the Baby Names section.

Is BF following me?

sagacious Fri 29-Aug-08 09:51:44

In the nicest possible way YABU.

I would imagine your friend would have thought you are long over it.

Its a name not the person you once knew.

Pinkjenny Fri 29-Aug-08 09:52:52

Good point sagacious, good point.

hecate Fri 29-Aug-08 09:53:58

erm. I think so, yes. I am sure that what happened hurt (it sounds horrible for you), but you have moved on in life. She probably has no idea it would bother you. You have a husband, a baby. What this man did to you was shit, but that's in the past and not related to this baby. (which might be a girl anyway)

combustiblelemon Fri 29-Aug-08 09:54:06

I'm not surprised you're a bit thrown by it, but I don't think it would be a great plan to mention it to your friend. It's their choice. They might have a girl or change their mind over the boy's name. Could you look on it as an opportunity to wipe away the negative associations? I'm sure that if they did use the name, their DS would fairly quickly replace your ex as your primary association on hearing it.

Cies Fri 29-Aug-08 09:55:07

YABU. I agree with all the others above. You'll come to associate it with darling cute little baby, not dumping ex partner.

Boco Fri 29-Aug-08 09:55:16

Maybe it'll be a good thing and help you get totally past this - you'll have different associations with the name and it'll be your bfs baby and not a heartbreaking toad.

Pinkjenny Fri 29-Aug-08 09:56:19

OK, so it's a good thing. <note to self> it's a good thing.

I will repeat this until December and pray it's a bloody girl.

combustiblelemon Fri 29-Aug-08 09:56:57


HonoriaGlossop Fri 29-Aug-08 09:58:42

YABU. Well not really U but you are perhaps being Unrealistic. It is just a name after all and it must be her absolute favourite, best name in the world, otherwise she wouldn't have chosen it.......

I agree with boco - seeing her adorable little boy who you will love and adore with the name, will make it new for you smile

wolfear Fri 29-Aug-08 10:00:00

I think it depends if it's an unusual or memorable name that you don't hear all the time, YANBU. If it's something pretty standard, like Ben, YABU. I can sortof see where you are coming from though. I'm not sure I'd like it.

Pinkjenny Fri 29-Aug-08 10:00:26

Ha ha, yes it's Ben.

VictorianSqualor Fri 29-Aug-08 10:02:57

Two of my favourite names for boys are guys that DP would have reason to veto them over.
They are both guys I used to talk to a lot before I got with DP, and he is sure I had a 'thing' for them both.
One of the names we used for our new DS and the other name is top of the list if we have another boy!
It's true that no matter how painful a name and it's associations are you'll soon get over them and the name will become a part of someone else.

FWIW, DP has the same name as my first serious BF and his Dad has the same name as my XP (my children's dad!)

hecate Fri 29-Aug-08 10:04:02

Crikey, Ben. You can hardly avoid that name, now can you? It's one of the most common around!!

Pinkjenny Fri 29-Aug-08 10:06:58

No, I realise that, but I do think that's a little different than my best friend who watched me go through all this calling her son Ben.

But I did know you'd say I was BU. And you're all being very gentle with me!!

reginaphilangy Fri 29-Aug-08 10:09:32

'tis just a name pinkjenny. If we go through all of our friends ex's/ex best friends/second cousins twice removed wink names when naming our dc's we would have frighteningly little choice grin

You won't associate the name with your ex when baby is born - just with your friends gorgeous little lad smile

In short, yes, YABU.

VictorianSqualor Fri 29-Aug-08 10:10:25

Ben was the second name I'm talking about. The first was Alex, pretty common standard names, tbh.

Pinkjenny Fri 29-Aug-08 10:15:11

OK, I wasn't going to mention it to her or anything anyway, so my instincts were obviously telling me I was BU.

But I have to be honest with you, I still think it's shitty. But I'll keep that to myself. grin

LouMacca Fri 29-Aug-08 10:18:02

Pinkjenny, I can see where you are coming from.

I associate names due to experiences I have had in the past with people who have those names. I think its natural to be feeling this way especially as she is your best friend.

BTW I had Ben for a boy, then SIL had a boy first and pinched my name.......grrr wink

Pinkjenny Fri 29-Aug-08 10:19:05

It is a lovely name. LouMacca - how rude!!

foxytocin Fri 29-Aug-08 10:20:07

The more you use the name, the less significance it will have with an old flame and more with the child in front of you. it is all part of getting over it.

WickedBitchoftheEast Fri 29-Aug-08 10:33:28

My frinds ex was called Adam and I always loved the name, if I had had a son at that time that is what he would have been called, Unfortunately it never occured to me that my friend might have been affected by it if I had called him that, so does that make me a bad friend?

Bearing in mind we choose this name for life, I think its her call and no other thought should come into it.

I called my son what I wanted to call him, not my friends, although the best they could come up with were Stanley & Norman hmm in fact one of them still calls him Normie !!!

But saying that I do sympathise, but I'm not sure your hubby of 4 years would be so understanding wink

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