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in thinking that this is not in fact a compliment but rather a backhanded dig?

(54 Posts)
joshandjamie Thu 28-Aug-08 15:52:45

We've just spent two weeks on holiday with friends who have children the same age as ours. Several times during the course of the holiday, our friends said to me with regard to my children's behaviour:

"You have the patience of a saint. I don't think I could deal with them without losing the plot."

That's not being complimentary right?

FluffyMummy123 Thu 28-Aug-08 15:53:16

Message withdrawn

CountessDracula Thu 28-Aug-08 15:54:48

They mean your kids are a mare I think

hifi Thu 28-Aug-08 15:54:48

its a dig. or maybe a compliment to you but not your kids.

andiem Thu 28-Aug-08 15:55:10

no it isn't being complimentary are your children out of control?

pamelat Thu 28-Aug-08 15:55:23

definately a dig

FluffyMummy123 Thu 28-Aug-08 15:55:59

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CuckooSplodgeandTubs Thu 28-Aug-08 15:56:36

Tell her she's very patient/thickskinned/obliging/accommodating to live with her husband! smile

pigleto Thu 28-Aug-08 15:59:45

Did you think their children were better or worse behaved than yours?

pigleto Thu 28-Aug-08 16:01:42

You could say "I wonder what has happened to your children to make them so passive. You must apply victorian standards of discipline"

joshandjamie Thu 28-Aug-08 16:01:47

Our kids were no more annoying than their kids. It came down to different parenting styles. We are slightly more strict than they are. They just let their's do what they like - staying up late, continually biting my youngest son (without a stern word given), letting them have whatever treats they wanted as often as they wanted. But in general they don't have tantrums - so perhaps their approach works better.

So for example, when our children weren't allowed coca cola, they unsurprisingly had a tantrum because our friend's children were allowed it. And when my oldest son decides to have a tantrum, he doesn't hold back. But equally, in his eyes, it was pretty unfair.

My children can be a pain in the butt but honestly don't think they were awful - and I'm the first to admit if they are. I could equally have made digs about the fact that their child bites non stop and the fact that they say nothing about it - but I held my tongue for the sake of a friendly holiday.

3andnomore Thu 28-Aug-08 16:01:50

well, definitely seems to be a dig not a compliment....

belgo Thu 28-Aug-08 16:02:20

Hmm. I had a couple of people say something similar to me last week...I hadn't really thought about it until now. I suppose I'm just used to my childrenhmm

VictorianSqualor Thu 28-Aug-08 16:04:14

What Cod said.
HAve they said anything about going on holiday again?

maidamess Thu 28-Aug-08 16:06:43

This is why going away with friends and their kids is DOOMED TO FAILURE.

pigleto Thu 28-Aug-08 16:07:18

I get that when I go on holiday with my brother and his family. They will allow their children to drink full fat coke but not fruit shoots as they don't like the aspartamame, we let ours drink the odd fruit shoot but never full fat coke due to the caffiene and the sugar. I would be inclined to relax the rules on holiday just for the sake of peace but dh will not. Cue much tantrumming from both sets of children who think we are deeply unfair.

dittany Thu 28-Aug-08 16:08:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigleto Thu 28-Aug-08 16:10:25

And their kids get to eat sugary breakfast cereals, and have to eat everything on their plate. We encourage ours to leave food on their plate if they are not hungry and make them eat porridge for breakfast. It is hard to fit in to other peoples parenting styles.

nowirehangers Thu 28-Aug-08 16:10:33

going on holiday with friends is RARELY a good idea for this reason
My dd1 is way more boisterous than the daughter of my best friend and I would never go on holiday with them for this reason. They obviously suspect dd1 is a psychopath (and I think they have a point wink, dh thinks that their dd is - in his words "on mogadon" because she's such a softie. Sounds like your kids are fine and normal, perhaps we should go on holiday together grin

QuintessentialShadow Thu 28-Aug-08 16:11:51

Sounds like a total clash of parenting styles. I wouldnt be in a hurry to go on holiday with them. And they are not very tuned in as they dont realize the root of the problems, and are rude to top it!

For example, I give my sons nutella. My cousin doesnt let her dd have nutella. When we go away together, I simply refrain from giving my children Nutella, so we have no issues of my cousins dd begging for something she cant have. And my kids are not missing it if it isnt on offer.

Your friends are not very diplomatic. If they know your children arent allowed something, they should not give it to their kids in front of yours. Equally, they cant ask their kids to go to bed earlier than they are used to, so yours would have to stay up a bit longer, it is holiday after all.

MuchLessTiredNow Thu 28-Aug-08 16:18:12

Were the children different sex from yours? I get this a lot from my friend and her dp who have older girls and have a) forgotten what toddlers are like and b) can't quite believe how long and fast and loudly my boys can go on for.

Pruners Thu 28-Aug-08 16:20:33

Message withdrawn

Shitehawk Thu 28-Aug-08 16:24:13

We are all more tolerant of our own children than other people's, I find. And I think we often become almost immune to our own children's behaviour, whilst still being very aware of how other people's kids behave. So just as you are used to your children's tantrums, they are used to their children's biting - it's their normality.

Your children seem like hard work simply because they are not what your friends are used to.

MuchLessTiredNow Thu 28-Aug-08 16:25:03

I think Pruners is speaking a lot of sense. I had a good friend to stay last week whom I love dearly, but by the end of the week I could have quite cheerfully strangled her two. It confirmed to me I could not do a holiday with friends.

suey2 Thu 28-Aug-08 16:41:38

I confess to twliing a friend she had the patience of a saint when I was staying with her a couple of weeks ago. She has a 3.5 year old daughter who is very bright and very demanding. She said that I had made her day! Different perspective I suppose.
I agree with the comments about parenting styles etc and that in your case it was rather different.

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