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To think this man shouldn't have called my dd "nasty"?

(115 Posts)
kando Thu 28-Aug-08 13:09:18

DD1 had a hospital appointment today so not having anyone who could look after the other 2 dds, we all had to go. We are sitting in the waiting room (the only ones there) when a man and his little girl come in. My 3 are all playing, dd3 (2.5) was playing up a bit (she's a bit of a screamer when she doesn't get her own way) The man and his little girl stay for a little while then they wander off, then the little girl comes back in on her own. She goes to the toy section where my dds are playing, all fine, then the little girl starts crying and I turn round to see dd3 pinching the little girl in the mouth shock I immediately told dd3 off and told her to say sorry to the little girl, and also said sorry to her. The man comes in, gets his little girl then says "Come on, let's get away from these nasty children". So I said, "excuse me, please don't call my children nasty" and went to sit back down with dd3. He then comes back into the waiting room without his dd, comes up to me quite closely and said that I should control my children, that I should get a babysitter and leave them at home if I can't control them, and that he could hear dd3 screaming earlier. I said, she's only 2.5 and I can't control her voice, if he could suggest a way to get dd3 to stop screaming, short of gagging her, I'd be more than happy for him to tell me. He said if he could control is kids, then I should be able to control mine. Then he stormed off. I could hear his partner saying to him "leave it, leave it" but he came storming back through saying that his dd was bleeding and had a scratch. I said that I was sorry about that, and that I'd cut her nails when I got home. He went off again, then came back through with his dd and said "look at the state of her face". I was upset to see what my dd3 had done, and told her that I was sorry dd had hurt her, and asked dd3 to say sorry to the little girl again, which she did. He was much calmer when he came back through with his dd, but I felt very intimidated by him.

I appreciate that he was upset at what had happened to his dd, as was I, but did he really need to call her "nasty"? Is a 2.5 year old capable of being "nasty" rather than naughty? I'm still feeling very shaken up by this. sad

CrushWithEyeliner Thu 28-Aug-08 13:13:02

You poor thing. No wonder you are shaken up! I think you dealt with that incredibly well. Jesus he sounds like a bloody loon.

Lazarou Thu 28-Aug-08 13:13:43

What a stupid man. I wonder how he will cope when his dd does something he feels is 'nasty'.
I bet he's like that anyway though, really confrontational and unpleasant, especially as his partner was telling him to leave it.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Thu 28-Aug-08 13:14:24

OMG! You poor love.

I would ask myself how exactly he gets his children in his full control.

What a git.

What a bully.

pagwatch Thu 28-Aug-08 13:14:57

TBH if your child made my child be I would be quite proud of myself if the only thing i said was 'nasty'.

His daughter was bleeding = he was upset.
Personally I would give him a break

mazzystar Thu 28-Aug-08 13:15:00

Yes, she was naughty rather than nasty; and yes I think he came on a bit heavy with you.

But I can see why he was upset by his daughter being hurt, even if without malice - and if he or his child was waiting for a hospital its likely that he was stressed out, exaggerating his perception of the problem - and therefore his reaction.

FWIW I think you handled it well, and your daughter's apology should have been sufficient.

MatNanPlus Thu 28-Aug-08 13:15:06

Can see both sides but he does sound like he woke up sucking a lemon this morning.

mazzystar Thu 28-Aug-08 13:16:01

waiting for a hospital appointment

bamboostalks Thu 28-Aug-08 13:16:57

Appalling over reaction, what a bully. Quite sure that would not have escalated if you had a burly husband sitting beside you. Some men enjoy intimidating women.

StayFrosty Thu 28-Aug-08 13:17:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

electra Thu 28-Aug-08 13:18:32

YANBU - it is very wrong to label any child, especially as young as 2.5 "nasty". That age is a classic time for biting/pinching and although it's very unpleasant it can be a phase that some children go through and certainly doesn't indicate that they will grow up into a monster!

Saturn74 Thu 28-Aug-08 13:20:03

I wonder if it is the first time his DD has had a confrontation with another child?

There is no excusing his behaviour, of course, and he handled the whole incident very badly.

He sounds very unknowing about children in general.

And he's not doing himself or his DD any favours by going off the deep end like he did.

I'm surprised his partner didn't intervene and make him see reason.

What a horrible encounter for you all.

dalek Thu 28-Aug-08 13:20:53

I agree with Pagwatch - his daughter had been hurt and was bleeding. If someone came on mumsnet saying you'll never believe what this child did to my dd surely you would be sympathetic.

Imnotok Thu 28-Aug-08 13:23:12

He did go over the top and I feel sorry for you and your dd.
My dd got nipped by a little girl in a shop once and I told the mum and all she said was "Oh has she" so she did get a mouthful from me but if she had got her to apoligise I would not have shouted at her .
However he may have been stressed about his lo's appt and while over the top maybe he was just overreacting and may be at home feeling bad about it now.
Hope you are ok

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Thu 28-Aug-08 13:23:36

Total over-reaction from him. I'm sure your 2 year old didn't mean to make her bleed.

kando Thu 28-Aug-08 13:24:04

HC - he had an older child who was with her mum and didn't come into the waiting room. His partner was repeatedly telling him to "leave it, just leave it". It was on the tip of my tongue to say something about his dd never doing something naughty, but I bit my tongue instead. I am absolutely mortified by what dd3 has done, and am genuinely sorry for what she's done, but I can't just turn round and ignore someone calling my 2 year old child nasty! Sorry I'm still a bit angry about it, I need to go and have a cup of tea and chill I think. Made a bit of a tit of myself with dd1's consultant - almost burst into tears when we got to her office. She was very nice to me!

MatNanPlus Thu 28-Aug-08 13:24:22

but also did his DD do something that sparked off the whole thing, his partner sounds afraid of him.

jesuswhatnext Thu 28-Aug-08 13:24:57

he may have overreacted a bit, but you were in a hospital, maybe he was very stressed over his child possibly being ill and this was the last straw.

a child once bit my dd on the face while we were in a shoe shop, drew blood actually, for two pins i could have walloped said child, i didn't but i did tell her mother what i thought.

silvercrown Thu 28-Aug-08 13:26:41

He definately over-reacted by constantly coming back in to intimidate you but I can understand why he would be upset. I would probably have called her nasty as well simply because I would be so upset and would want my kids away from any further conflict but you reacted immediately and you told her off - there's nothing more you could have done really except keep apologising but when people are very angry it takes them a long time to calm down. He'll probably feel guilty later on that he reacted so harshly to a mother on her own with 3 kids (if he doesn't them he's a dickhead). It's al very well people screaming keep your child under control but they have little minds of their own and no-one is a mindreader. Just take comfort in the knowledge that he probably wouldn't have said anything had you been with someone else which does make him a coward and a bully but cut him some slack regading his little girl who must have had a terrible shock and was clearly in abit of a state.

pagwatch Thu 28-Aug-08 13:27:06

good grief
I am really looking forward to the posts in the coming months when someone posts.

"I was waiting for my DDs hospital appat. You all know how stressed we have been and how much the last set of tests upset her. Well I was just waiting for the consultant to call her in when another child attacked her gouging her face until it bleed. She was really distressed.
But you know I looked at the woman with the child that ripped her face because she couldn't share and i just felt so sorry for her . Because of course it will be my DD doing that one day. We had a hug. It was so bonding"

OP said " I was upset to see what my DD3 had done". this was not a little scratch apparently. Parents get upset when their children get hurt.
And the OP challenged him about his comment as he was leaving. If he had just said 'lets leave these nasty children' and had been allowed to leave it may well not have escalated.

Of course the child isn't nasty . The man was upset and venting. As many people would.

kando Thu 28-Aug-08 13:27:41

MNP - I had my back to where the girls were playing, so didn't see what happened, other than the fact that dd3 and the little girl were sitting opposite each other. I suspect his little girl may have tried to touch something dd3 was playing with - she is not good at sharing, to say the least!

Lazarou Thu 28-Aug-08 13:27:56

These things happen. It was unfortunate that the little girl got hurt but it is not possible for a 2.5 year old to think 'right I'm gonna make some other little kids bleed today cos I'm a bad mo fo'

The bloke was totally in the wrong. YOu could not have predicted that it would happen. YOu got your dd to apologise, what more could you have done?

QuintessentialShadow Thu 28-Aug-08 13:28:43

So, he and his partner, were unable to look after 2 children between them, and HIS dd was left unsupervised and he blames YOUR child???
Did he expect you to look after 4 children while he and his partner minded 1??

What an idiot. Poor you. Clearly a stupid man.

kando Thu 28-Aug-08 13:28:52

Fair enough pagwatch. I was at hospital waiting for an appointment for my dd too, perhaps I was a bit worried too?

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Thu 28-Aug-08 13:33:24

I disagree really. I think calling someone else's child 'nasty' in front of them for normal 2 year old behaviour (being unable to share) is pretty childish. He then escalated it by bringing the child back etc etc.

Go back to his partner and moan about the nasty children next door by all means if it makes him feel better, but his response sounds pretty aggressive.

OP- ds1 went through a phase of scratching other children on the face. it was bloody awful - at nursery so I wasn't able to stop it, but I dreaded someone having a go at me about it. After all what could I do about it, especially after the act? Luckily it only lasted 2 weeks.

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