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To expect my exp to wait longer than 2 weeks into his new relationship to introduce her to my son?

(35 Posts)
pippypoppypanda Thu 28-Aug-08 09:19:48

He brought her to my house to pick him up when he'd been with her almost 2 weeks, I didn't even know he had a girlfriend!

My son has came home and told me he sometimes sleeps between them in the bed.

AIBU to be hurt and feel weird about this from my son's and my own point of view?

2beornot2be Thu 28-Aug-08 09:22:20

I would be very annoyed how old is your Son?

pippypoppypanda Thu 28-Aug-08 09:23:54

Coming up to 21 months. An age I expect this would confuse him a lot .....

ErnestTheBavarian Thu 28-Aug-08 09:29:11

2 weeks def too soon.

v weird sleeping with them???????

Does the gf npt also object? If I ever got a new bf, I wouldn't fancy sleeping with his toddler too, esp not after 2 weeks!

No. I would put a stop to it. I wouldn't allow overnight either thats not good.

pippypoppypanda Thu 28-Aug-08 09:37:32

We have a court order which means I have to let him stay overnight. Im reluctant to even say anything because Im so sick of all the arguing, he's only 20 (im 27) and extremely immature I don't think he'd even understand why there was a problem!

He's even asked if they can take him on holiday next year...... I've said a definate no, I wouldnt dream of takingv another man to his house to drop him off or have someone else in my bed I find it actually disgusting that he would do it to him personally

TheHedgeWitch Thu 28-Aug-08 09:40:47

Message withdrawn

caykon Thu 28-Aug-08 09:41:54

My dh introduced my to his kids when i'd only known him 5 days, they even all stayed at my house that night.

2beornot2be Thu 28-Aug-08 09:42:30

He sounds very immuture I would not be happy about my toddler sleeping in a bed with them doe's your EX live with his parents?

Maybe you could explain to him that you want him to wait a while before introducing your toddler to random women.

TheHedgeWitch Thu 28-Aug-08 09:49:50

Message withdrawn

colnelcustard Thu 28-Aug-08 09:57:59

I think he should kick his girlfriend out of the bed to be honest! His child should come first not the needs of some woman who has only been in his life a couple of weeks.

I think it is extremely inappropriate behaviour. The OP's son does not know this woman nor does the OP.

I'm only speaking from experience here. These situations need to be handled sensitivley not going in all guns blazing.

If the new gf is worth her salt then she should get up and sleep on the sofa IMO.

pippypoppypanda Thu 28-Aug-08 09:58:32

That was extremely harsh. Yes my son is very good at talking actually and I don't think you have any right suggesting I make this up.

Fact is, 2 weeks into a relationship, I don't believe he should have the girlfriend staying at the same time as my DS.

It is NOT shared custody, he has him overnight ONCE A FORTNIGHT, so is it unreasonable for me to expect him to spend this time with his son NOT someone he has been with for that length of time

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Thu 28-Aug-08 09:59:09

Too soon and no way should he be sleeping in the bed with her, imho.

zippitippitoes Thu 28-Aug-08 10:01:28

well on the plus side his gf is clearly child friendly

if he has a court order for overnight stays then it is his parental choice

so im afraid you have to accept his choices

much better for your son to sleep with them than be neglected

you may think he is immature in some respects but i dont think sometimes sharing a bed with his child shows immaturity

colnelcustard Thu 28-Aug-08 10:02:42

Pippy, it is a horrible gut wrenching situation to be in and I know there is not a feeling like it. You feel like you are sharing your child with someone you don't know.

I can't bear my exh or his gf. She seems to do nothing but tell my ds off and I don't feel that she has the right too at all.

I don't want to hijack but all I would say is this. You have to speak to your ex and tell him that you are not happy with the situation as it stands. He needs to put himself in the shoes of your ds and think how it feels like for him. its very confusing. If he is a selfish twat like my ex-h he will probably not take any notice but you should give it a go.

pippypoppypanda Thu 28-Aug-08 10:03:40

No but I'm not going to go into everything that he's done on here

TheHedgeWitch Thu 28-Aug-08 10:04:12

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pippypoppypanda Thu 28-Aug-08 10:07:07

thanks catchmonkey, I'm pleased you understand, I wanted advise from people who had actually experienced this so thats great.

I would have no problem with a gf he'd been with longer and was SERIOUS about, not some shag he's found.

Oh and for the record, he told me if I ever let another man spend time with his son he'l kill me and the bloke, so there you go on the maturity level

ErnestTheBavarian Thu 28-Aug-08 10:08:23

I do think it shows immaturity when it's together with his gf of 2 weeks!

OK the relationship might last forever, or mit might only last 2 more weeks. Is he going to drag every girl he meets through the life of his ds, and into bed with him?

He should be putting his son's needs first, and waiting before introducing them, and not sharing beds with ds & gf.

I still think gf weird for going along with it

pippypoppypanda Thu 28-Aug-08 10:08:32

he has been with her a month now just to clarify, this has been going on from the beginning.

I'm not sure why I'm being attacked here

colnelcustard Thu 28-Aug-08 10:10:24

don't worry love! i came on here once with a thread saying i was worrying about my ex-h taking my son away as i did not think he would bring him back (also explained that he was a violent loon and a control freak) and i was told i was being unreasonable grin

pippypoppypanda Thu 28-Aug-08 10:12:05

He has stayed in bed 2 times with her I apologise Hedge I shouldnt have used the term sometimes as it seems to have offended you

VictorianSqualor Thu 28-Aug-08 10:13:46

Not at all unreasonable. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask a NRP to put their child first one day a week.

When I split with my ex I told him that the DC's were to thin they were friends and nothing more, thoguh he didn't listen.

DD came home to tell me about being in bed with Daddy and Emma and they were kissing....I didn't think this was appropriate for the DCs to see so soon afetr we had split, so I asked him not to do it, but he still did.

I think it bothered me that not only would they have been confused but the doublestandards, he would have been fumong if I had introduced them to my bf before I knew it was serious and likely to last.

Could you make an agreement that neither of you introduce partners without a couple of months behind the relationship first? Maybe if you mention the tables being turned he would be happier to listen?

zippitippitoes Thu 28-Aug-08 10:15:19

well he was very young when you met him and when he became a potentiwsl and actual father if he is 20 now

you can talk to him but if he is looking after his son then he is a parent too and you have split through differences you wont be able to control what he does so if he has decided this is ok then you have to be accepting and try not to let it gnaw away at you

ErnestTheBavarian Thu 28-Aug-08 10:15:39

I think people who have never experienced the break down of the marriage/relationship with dc's father & susequent sharing with another partner don't appreciate how hard it can be to suddenly have to share your child or allow your child to go into situations with someone you might not know or like or trust.

TheHedgeWitch Thu 28-Aug-08 10:17:07

Message withdrawn

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