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To Not Make His Dinner

(91 Posts)
memoo Wed 27-Aug-08 08:56:13

DP and I both work full time. When I finish I still have all the house hold chores to do as well as sorting out the DC, make their tea, homework, bath etc.

I do all the housework and laundry, including DP's. Basically he does nothing around the house at all. I'm not too bothered by this as I'm home by 4 and he doesn't get in until after 8.

But the one thing I generally don't do is make his dinner. The DC have theirs at 5 and I usually eat with them. There is always stuff in for him to make, including a few ready meals that he just has to microwave (oh the shame!!) but when I have been on my feet for 12 hours working my arse off I am just to knackered to make him big meals. I'm up at 7 and then between work and the kids I don't get to sit down till at least 8pm.

At weekends we cook things together and always have a big lunch on a Sunday.

The thing is I can tell that this bothers DP a little, and when it came out in coversation one day when we were at his mothers she nearly had a fit!

So am I being unreasonable, am i just crap and lazy!?

tiredemma Wed 27-Aug-08 08:57:07

Can't you make him something that he can re-heat?

SparkyFartDust Wed 27-Aug-08 08:58:19

YANBU- bloody hell some MIL would have us wipe their son's bottoms as well.

You do more than enough.

theSuburbanDryad Wed 27-Aug-08 08:58:21

No way!! YANBU at all! As you say - you've been on the go for 12 hours and if he doesn't get in till after 8 then it's not fair to expect you to start again cooking his tea!

Tell his mum that if she's so bothered SHE can come round and cook his farking tea!

belgo Wed 27-Aug-08 08:59:59

Me and my dds also eat at about 5-6pm and dh comes in at 7-8pm, and reheats the meal I've saved for him. That makes far more sense then cooking twice.

herbietea Wed 27-Aug-08 09:00:01

Message withdrawn

bozza Wed 27-Aug-08 09:08:39

I suppose it depends what sort of food you are making for you and the DC and whether it would be easy to make an extra portion. But I would go with the plated option and leave him the dishwasher to stack and set running.

choosyfloosy Wed 27-Aug-08 09:11:00

I have to say that if you are doing a meal for you and the DCs, I would do enough for him as well. (I wouldn't plate it, id leave it in the pot, but that's up to you). If he doesn't fancy whatever it is, that's up to him.

I don't think YANBU though. For God's sake ignore his mother, or better yet, let her have her rant and turn it into a running joke in the family. You will have sons and daughters in law one of these days...

memoo Wed 27-Aug-08 09:43:35

this is the thing you see, DP won't eat what the children will eat!! their all hard work to be honest! Sometime if I have the odd day off I will make a stew or something that he can heat up and then leave it on a plate in microwave.

Moomin Wed 27-Aug-08 09:46:46

so what do your dcs eat that your dh won't eat?

If you're cooking different things for everyone then I don't think you are being unreasonable. Do you eat what the kids eat?

belgo Wed 27-Aug-08 09:54:11

if he won't eat what you make for yourself and the children, then that's his tough luck. He can fend for himself.

bozza Wed 27-Aug-08 09:57:12

Yes agree that if he won't eat what you and the children are eating then that is his problem. I do provide a meal from scratch virtually every night for all the family - but it is a case of eat it or leave it.

VictorianSqualor Wed 27-Aug-08 10:00:19

Erm, well, In my house the children don't choose dinner. The meal gets made for the adults.

If they won't eat what you're cooking for you and DH then they can lump it, not if he won't like what they are havinghmm

I wouldn't make two meals a day for anyone. If I do two meals a day it's because DP&I want some time to ourselves so I do the DC's dinner early.

Also, if I was coming home to eat dinner by myself and cook by myself I'd be pretty pissed, why do you eat with the children and not DP?
What time do you start work to be home for 4 and do 12 hours? Do you often go to bed early? Coming home from a long days work (whether you work or not) to make your own dinner, eat alone, go to bed alone and get up alone wouldn't be good for any relationship.

Would you be able to get him to do more around the house in return for you two eating together?

VictorianSqualor Wed 27-Aug-08 10:04:30

I've contradicted myself there!blush

I meant I wouldn't make two meals a day normally, just I do it sometimes if I want to eat alone with DP. But even those days it's normally something simple like fresh pasta and Arabiatta sauce or something, and the DC's will get something simple too, like beans on toast.

HonoriaGlossop Wed 27-Aug-08 10:16:11

I would leave him a plate of dinner when you're serving up you and the kids. If he won't eat it, he must cook himself something else.

You're his wife, who works full time and has the responsibility for all the housework and obviously getting the kids to bed as well. You're not his personal chef.

theSuburbanDryad Wed 27-Aug-08 10:17:56

What's the point of leaving him something he won't eat?

Can't the kids eat on their own sometimes and then you and dp eat together? Even if it's something dp's cobbled together?

SlartyBartFast Wed 27-Aug-08 10:19:24

i used to cook for dc's and then again for me and dp. can't you do that, why can't you eat with him?
however he now gets home earlier so problem solved.

HonoriaGlossop Wed 27-Aug-08 10:26:43

I just think it's unreasonable of him to fussily say "I won't eat that" and then clearly expect his WIFE, who has been working all day too, to do it FOR him! Why? I mean, what the kids are eating can't be uneatable, can it?

Yes I guess another solution is to feed the kids then eat together with DH later. He could cook you both a nice meal while you have a nice relaxing bath after putting the kids to bed smile

DaddyJ Wed 27-Aug-08 10:33:14

If he is unhappy about the food then he needs to get involved
in planning meals and drawing up food shopping lists for a start.

What kind of meals do you and your dcs have?
I find dd's meals quite delicious to be honest!

Cappuccino Wed 27-Aug-08 10:36:51

I'd leave stuff on a plate

if he didn't like it then that would be a whole other issue

it's no more work to add an extra sausage or whatever if you are already cooking

QuintessentialShadow Wed 27-Aug-08 10:39:39

Either you both cook together when he gets home, or you take it in turns, or he eats what the children is or he makes his own dinner. He cant just come in and expect you to cook him a separate meal.

But I am keen to know what you feed your kids and yourself?

As VictorianSqualor, I make ONE meal that I know everybody likes, and reheat for dh. I also add salads for dh and me, as the kids wont eat that. Or if I cook a curry, I cook two versions of the same curry - a mild and a spicy. Is it too much work to adjust the meal you and the kids eat so your dh can have that?

VictorianSqualor Wed 27-Aug-08 10:44:04

What kind of meals do you do for the DCs?

If I'm perfectly honest there are things I'll make my DCs when they are eating alone that I wouldn't consider passing my lips! Certainly wouldn't dream of serving them up to DP either.

bozza Wed 27-Aug-08 10:45:06

Yes I am curious about the food as well. I try and take middle ground between what the children will eat and what the adults would prefer. Last night we had rice, chickpea and chorizo concoction served with carrots, brocolli and mushrooms. DH does not like carrots (but has those that were in the sauce) and DS does not like mushrooms. DS had his reheated,as he was at a friends.

bozza Wed 27-Aug-08 10:45:06

Yes I am curious about the food as well. I try and take middle ground between what the children will eat and what the adults would prefer. Last night we had rice, chickpea and chorizo concoction served with carrots, brocolli and mushrooms. DH does not like carrots (but has those that were in the sauce) and DS does not like mushrooms. DS had his reheated,as he was at a friends.

QuintessentialShadow Wed 27-Aug-08 10:46:52

Fishfingers with Chips and squeeky peas is something I could serve the kids but wouldnt eat myself, not because it is "bad" food, I just dont like it. It is only when I make something I KNOW the kids wont eat, such as smoked salmon and goats cheese warm salad, they get treated to fishfingers.... grin

I just find it a little hard to believe that it is impossible to reconcile adult and childrens meals in general.

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