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to think my SIL spoke inappropriately to my 5 year old

(125 Posts)
susia Mon 25-Aug-08 20:47:28

My son and his cousin both 5 were playing in my parent's garden. My parents have a big garden about 200 foot but not enormous and it is surrounded by a hedge/fence all around. Anyway, they were playing outside alone which I think is completely fine.

Anyway, my son came in and said 'Is someone going to steal me?' and I said 'of course not! who said that to you?' My SIL said 'I did, because they were playing in the garden on their own, which I'm not happy about'.

I said I was fine with my DS playing outside on his own and I had to keep reassuring my DS that noone would steal him.

I think was really wrong of her to say, I have in the past had a chat with him about going off with strangers etc but have not felt it appropriate to worry him about abduction. I also feel that at 5 he is fine along/playing with his cousin in an enclosed garden!

MaloryDontDiveItsShallow Mon 25-Aug-08 20:49:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

misdee Mon 25-Aug-08 20:49:19

blimey,. i would throttle her!

susia Mon 25-Aug-08 20:49:35

my parents live in the countryside in a small village, and although it is possible there could be a weirdo in the surrounding fields, in my opinion it is highly, highly unlikely.

TheArmadillo Mon 25-Aug-08 20:50:28

if she did have a problem she should have said it to you, not your 5yo.

msdemeanor Mon 25-Aug-08 20:50:28

She's a nutter! Tell her it's fine if she wants to scare her own children, but not to scare yours. Honestly, silly paranoid bint!

megcleary Mon 25-Aug-08 20:50:42

i'd goive her a clip round the ear

snickersnack Mon 25-Aug-08 20:51:38

I'd let dd (3.5) play in an enclosed garden. No worries.

I'd point out to her she scared your son - and remind her that the risk of him being abducted by a stranger (from an enclosed garden) is so tiny as to be almost non-existent.

sleepycat Mon 25-Aug-08 20:51:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RhinestoneCowgirl Mon 25-Aug-08 20:51:59

I hate that obsession with 'strangers', really not the main risk to children today. Think it's v off for your SIL to say something like that. If she was that unhappy about them playing outside there were other ways that she could have dealt with it...

TheCrackFox Mon 25-Aug-08 20:51:59

More likely to get hit by lightning so maybe your SIL should keep her DC inside at all times.

falcon Mon 25-Aug-08 20:52:09

YANBU. And may I ask if she wasn't happy with them playing outside alone why didn't she go outside and supervise them rather than try to terrify a 5 year old?

ScaryHairy Mon 25-Aug-08 20:52:11

Completely inappropriate.
Yes, sometimes (rarely) children are taken, but that is no excuse for teaching children to be afraid. I think frightening a 5 year old with threats of abduction is rather mad.

DaisySteiner Mon 25-Aug-08 20:52:22

How stupid! I'd go crazy if I had to stay in the garden with my four all the time.

susia Mon 25-Aug-08 20:53:06

well I did say to him in front of her;'of course noones going to steal you! look you're covered in mud, who'd steal a muddy boy?!' to try to lighten the conversation.

edam Mon 25-Aug-08 20:55:49

Very nasty thing for your SIL to say. Poor ds. She shouldn't be dumping her hang-ups on a 5yo.

If she was worried, she should have gone out there with them.

WhereTheWildEelsWere Mon 25-Aug-08 20:56:03

So now children can only play in the house hmm

Why didn't she just stay outside with them if she felt uncomfortable?

What a stupid thing to say to a 5 year old.

kitbit Mon 25-Aug-08 20:59:25

I have a friend who is constantly on at her dd to be careful "because you'll fall and knock out your teeth" or "because you'll knock this or that over" or other such clumsy things usually involving details of a possible injury. She also flaps if ds goes more than 3 feet off the ground (eg climbs a slide, jumps in the air etc) and just lately has been unable to stop herself from blurting out "ohhhh be careful kitbit's ds, you'll fall over and break all your bones" etc etc

I've had a word.

Not least because I don't want ds to become fearful of doing anything at all but because he isn't in any imminent danger. He's been able to walk up the steps to the slide for about 2 years quite happily without event, thank you. Her dd on the other hand is a bag of nerves.

So yes, you SIL is mad and if she was really worried she should have spoken to you.

Alderney Mon 25-Aug-08 20:59:32

My Grandpa always joked that because I talked SO MUCH that if anyone did steal me they would bring me back really quickly...!!

Your SIL was ridiculous

Heated Mon 25-Aug-08 20:59:57

Yes, thoughtless woman to frighten your ds.

Dh's idiot ex-bil is obsessed by this, told his 4 yr old dd when that if a stranger spoke to her she must scream. Cue perplexed & embarrassed SIL in supermarket when dd was addressed by another woman in the queue.

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Mon 25-Aug-08 21:00:19


Not her place to say something like that to your son.

WideWebWitch Mon 25-Aug-08 21:00:57

Oh fgs, silly bloody woman, YA Not BU, not her prerogative to say this to a 5yo.

Ready4anothersmokedeel Mon 25-Aug-08 21:01:52


She should keep her illogical paranoia to herself. If she really felt something had to be said she should have worded it a bit better.

HairyToe Mon 25-Aug-08 21:03:38


I was in a park a few weeks ago when a little girl(around 3) tried to run out of the gate. Her Mum pulled her back saying "You can't go out there someone might pinch you!" shock

notforgirls Mon 25-Aug-08 21:13:39

I think if it is all secure they should be ok but it is a big space and if there are area that you someone could be hiding in - I'd probably worry too. Prehaps it came up in conversation, like your SIL said, " Lets go in now?", your DS said,"Why?" and she said because "I don't want you out here, someone might steal you"

I do accept that she proabably should'nt have said it to your son and should have spoken to you. But I tell my kids all the time they must no wander off as the bogey man might steal them and even though someone looks nice they might not be. I don't go down the don't talk to strangers route though as I talk to strangers all the time.

I think you can't be too careful when it comes to kids safety, there are some vile people out there.

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