To pretend to be busy next time these people invite us over?

[callmeovercautious]

For the past 3 years DH and I have been going to a friend (of his) and his partner for a BBQ August Bank Holiday weekend.

Year one I was 8M pg and it was V hot, I really just wanted to stay home and eat chocolate but we went anyway. No chairs free in their garden, no shade to stand in and a line of people at the BBQ for food that was being cooked an a tiny grill with 20 people all wanting feeding! No one introduced us to anyone else (they all know each other) and not one of them offered me a seat.

We left after 30 mins with me appologising but explaining I was not feeling well. I did not feel too guilty tbh as no one had even offered me a drink!

Year 2 very similar. 11m DD sat on blanket on the lawn (I took our own following the previous year!), we drank our own water and got a sausage in a bun about 2 hours later.

This weekend. We took our own chairs and a small one for DD. We were given drinks and asked what we would like to be cooked for us....lovely! Except when DH and I were playing with DD and trying to make conversation with some of the other people (still no idea who they are after 3 years!) someone else sat in our seats despite the fact my bag had been on one of them and they used DDs chair as a side table and the food got snaffled by someone else!

I am not a shrinking violet, I can make conversation with people I don't know but I finally snapped today! Why should I keep buying gifts and wine etc for people who don't actually care enough about their guests to even offer them a drink! The trip there and the time spent used up the whole day.

So aibu? Would you make sure you were unavailble next time?

[alicet]

Not sure I would have lasted 3 years tbh!! I wouldn't go next year - unless they are good friends in other ways. But from the tone of your message it sounds not.

[LolaTheShowgirl]

Yes I damn well would ignorant people (them - the crappy hosts, not you!) Spend next year having your own little family bbq or something just the three of you!

[DorrisMcWhirter]

YANBU - bin the BBQ, it sounds too painful for words!

[TheQueenIsDead]

Don't waste another bank holiday on these people.

[wessexgirl]

YANBU, that sounds like a surefire way to ruin your August BH for the years to come unless you stop going.

Do something you enjoy instead.

[Uriel]

Definitely have plans for next year!

[blueshoes]

Sounds like a crap bbq and poor execution. I wouldn't bother to make the journey.

[tootidy]

yanbu. How rude! I'm sure you have better things to do!

[AbbaFan]

It's very odd IMO to ask people over and not really bother to make them feel welcome.

YANBU

[Ripeberry]

Why do you keep going? They have proved themselves to be useless as hosts.
Tell them to p*ss off next time.
Say you are going on holiday somewhere very exotic that they could not possibly afford! .

[ravenAK]

If they're dh's mates could he go alone next time (pretend you & the kids have prior arrangement or galloping lurgy?)

Definitely agree with everyone else that you should give it a miss. Not as if it's close friends or family & your non-attendance will ruin the do for them...

[callmeovercautious]

Phew... I thought I was being a bit sensitive! DH knows him but no one else there either so it is not as if he is even having fun. I would not moan about that - he deserves friends of his own but he is sooooo annoyed as well.

Good friends are hard to come by though and one to one the friend is great. I do like his partner as well, lovely woman but between them they have no social skills and it tells I think

[blueskythinker]

If you like them as friends, keep in contact on other occasions, but don't bother with the BBQs.

To be fair, I know in the past that I have tried to bring friends from different groups together for parties / BBQs, and it has never really worked for us. If there are only 2 of you doing the cooking, serving etc it can be a bit fraught also ensuring that people are mixing, have drinks as soon as they are empty, seats etc. We have learnt from this, and now have smaller gatherings for separate groups of friends. Next time I am also thinking of paying a couple of local teenagers to keep drinks flowing etc.

How many people would have been there?