to feel sick and tired of breastfeeding :-((21 Posts)
i bf ds1 for over a year and had no real problems. so i was expecting to be fine again with ds2 (now 3 months).
ds2 had a tongue tie which made feeding very hard at the beginning, altho' he improved a lot since having it snipped. he now sleeps through most nights and is a very happy sunny boy who is a real giggle to be around most of the time.
i have been to bf cafe and read a book which helped with positioning, but feeding is still problematic quite a lot of the time - ds2 pops and clicks and takes in lots of air, so he has lots of wind, so if he goes off to sleep he often wakes up with a burp and won't go back to sleep. some feeds are a real struggle with him wriggling and struggling and crying. i can't concentrate properly on doing anything else when it's like this, e.g. playing with ds1, as i had fondly imagined i would when still pg. so i end up feeling like i'm watching family life happen around me, with dp cooking and playing with ds1 etc, while i'm stuck struggling with the feeding.
dp tries really hard to be supportive. he takes the boys out for a walk so i have an hour or so off but it's rarely much longer than that. ds2 will take a bottle of ebm (tho' that's often a struggle too!) but i find expressing exhausting and depressing too... i do it in the morning but can't face doing it at other times too, which is what i find i need to do if dp feeds ds2 during the day.
all in all i'm just sick and tired of it all. i can't contemplate giving up bf or even mix feeding - don't flame me, it's just how i feel, i can't countenance the idea. so i feel like i'm just stuck here...
sorry this is long and sorry if you feel it should be in the 'feeding' topic - i wasn't sure as it feels like an AIBU to me... do i just have to get with the programme? or am i missing something?
i don't really have much to say, but wanted to lend a bit of support.
It is hard, at the best of times, and often needs determination to get through it.
I guess you have to work out if you really want to give it up or if you are exhausted so feel that you are over it? Did you have the tongue tie snipped, or are you leaving it?
Perhaps just take it a week at a time and see how you go?
It might be worth posting this in the feeding topic too?
sorry, didn't read the OP properly - got distracted
I know how it feels. Am over it myself but not sure how to tackle it, but different circumstances, so really do sympathise.
Not that that helps at all.
You really have to do whats best for you. I bf my first daughter for about 5 weeks then gave up cos she wasnt putting on much weight and i was concerned that i couldnt feed her properly.
A week after switching to bottlefeeding, her weight went up straightaway and i felt like a failure, but i had a brilliant midwife who totally supported my decision and my oh was great too. I also loved the fact that he could feed her and give me a break!
2nd and 3rd time round, bf was easier and i carried on for a year, but there were times that i wished i could do mixed feeding but they werent having any of it!
no it does help. part of problem is feeling like i should know what to do as i managed it first time round! so thanks for replying
'm on my second wee boy who is ten weeks old and i feel like i am glued to the sofa every half a hour feeding, i feel so guilty for my seven year old as everytime we go to have some quality time together, its feeding time again, plus just had a row with boyfriend as he has gone out for a night out and i'm sooo jealous watching him get all spruced up, whilst i'm sitting here like a slob, in fact i burst into tears when he left!!
i love being a mum but feel like a human cow at the moment and nothing else!! my bf keeps stating how i am giving my ds the best start in life, which i am well aware of, but feeling really down and exhausted.
also feel selfish for moaning when i have a gorgeous baby to be thankful for!
I could have written this post - you are not alone. I bf dd for a year no problem - ds has been a real headache - latching problems from the start - i have seen so many people over it and it has not got any better. It is so different the second time - like you I felt I was glued to the sofa and that dd had no proper time with me. I got mastitus, then thrush and I think if i wasn't so stubborn I would have given up. Am still bf 8 months later and it still isn't that comfortable, but I felt the faff of bottles was beyond me, plus ds was gaining weight so that wasn't a problem. I do really feel for you - you are doing a brilliant job and what ever you decide will the best thing for you and your family
awww mof2b i sympathise. i have started getting dp to take ds2 out when it's nap time so i can do some stuff with ds1. even just an hour makes a real difference.
feeding every half an hour tho'? really? that sounds like a lot. just wondered if you have seen anyone e.g. a bf counsellor? i think there are quite a few circumstances in which the baby doesn't feed very effectively (e.g. tongue tie) and falls asleep with the effort or keeps popping off frustrated, only to try again very shortly afterwards. ds2 was like this before he had tongue snip and it is blardy exhausting. just a thought. hope things improve soon
totally understand being p'd off with boyfriend going out!! i would be the same, esp as evenings are ds2's worst time. dp has been out once since ds2 was born and that was to a board meeting, lol. i figure, hey, he gets to go to work, doesn't he! what more freedom does he need
janx it's not fair is it? we thought we had it all sorted out... i just want to recommend this book - expensive on amazon but i got it thru' the library. the first couple of chapters have some really good info on how babies attach, what they can do naturally/ instinctively and how to support them to do it. it made so much sense and really helped with positioning (it goes against some advice given by bf counsellors e.g. to use feeding cushions). and crucially it made me feel like it wasn't my fault that ds2 didn't attach well. maybe a bit late for you now but thought iu'd mention it anyway. well done for persevering so long. and thanks v much for positive thoughts
Of course your not being unreasonable and why feel guilty, bfeeding doesnt suit everyone.
i found it a real struggle with dd2 having done 13 months with dd1. but i felt how you feel re giving up. so i persevered through it. it was the hardest year of my life. but i made it. i fed her for 13 months too and i feel that i accomplished something truly wonderful to be with her for the rest of her oife. i still feel it was at a cost to dd1 but i think it was worth it. i am just trying to say that it might be awful but if it is what you want to do then just get through one day at a time and it will come to an end. be gentle on yourself though and if it does get too mcuh then really really dont beat yourself up. i wouldnt hear of it when people told me i was being foolish and i stuck with it so i know what you mean when you wont countenance anything other than bmilk even though you prob know in your head all the other options are fine and safe. just do each day what you can and the phase will pass. you are clearly a brilliant brilliant mum to be so concerned for the welfare of your children. it is v v v hard. hang in there.
thanks so much nowwearefour. quite an inspiring tale! 'ome day at a time' is good advice, i sometimes catch myself thinking 'oh god, another 9 months of this'... not helpful! you are right too that it will be worth it in the end. thanks for your support, it's v good to know others have got thru it
What I don't know is how much benefit there is in breastfeeding beyond a certain point, relative to the hassle it's causing you. I know it's great to bf a child for a year (tho I've given up both times a couple of months short of that), but is it diminishing returns ie the majority of benefit is at the beginning. So the first six weeks is crucial, up to six months great, six months beyond that a bonus etc etc.
I'm v pro bf so am not suggesting that it's a waste of time going longer than 3 months but you have to think of your whole family - is the guilt that you're feeling about neglecting your elder child really worth the possible marginal benefits of bf beyond say 4 months?
Just an alternative pt of view...
I really struggled to feed DD2 for a year... but managed it...sometimes at the cost of my sanity, happiness and relationship with DD1 and DP. In hindsight, I kinda regret not giving up at 7 months (when I nearly did). She wouldn't really be any worse off for it, and I might have some happier memories of her babyhood.
That said, if I had given up, I'd probably be beating myself up that I didn't manage a year.
Perhaps moving your goalposts nearer as others have suggested is the way to go.
I too could have written this bf ds2 was a nightmare he was the most unrelaxed feeder ever he would pinch me really hard for comfort whilst he was feeding or pull my hair and i used to sit in tears. I had permenant thrush and mastitis 4 times it was horrible(not all the time when he woke at night he was lovely and chilled and i actually used to enjoy it) which is probably why i allowed him to be the worst sleeper ever. I struggled on as i felt i didn't want to not give him what dd1 got in the end i managed till 7 months and although i was depressed to stop it was definitely the right descision in the end dh bought me some very nice underwear and a large bottle of vodka It wasn't all hard though and there was always ups and downs. Try not to feel bad about it lots of people feel the same and BF your 2nd is totally different as you don't have all the time in the world.
Oh that book does look good - but to be honest I have looked at so many books, went to a cranial osteopath and saw breast feeding specialists - I have come to the conclusion that ds just does not want to open his mouth wide enough. It has got better in that I have adapted to having two children and now he is older he is not feeding so much - it no longer is consuming my everyday thoughts. Things will get better whatever you do - its a tough one
You are being reasonable to be fed up, we all get fed up with things in our life at times.
You made it clear in your OP that you don't want to give up BF or mix feed and TBH if your baby struggles equally with a bottle of expressed milk it doesn't sound like those options would work for you even if you wanted to go those routes.
So you need information on improving your breastfeeding relationship....
....What about reposting this in the Breast and Bottle Feeding Section where the excellent breastfeeding experts like Tiktok, Hunker etc can give you information or suggestions which might improve things.
thanks polly. your words are wise... and you put your finger on the underlying prob. your post made me think hard. as i said i'm not ready to give up yet and feeding does seem to have got a little easier since my op last week. the real struggly feeds seem to be getting less frequent. touch wood things are improving - ds2 seems to have had growth spurt so perhaps coping better now.
ithinkimtall, god that sounds awful. sounds like you did brilliantly to get to 7mo!!! lol at dh buying you underwear and vodka, what a star.
janx i know what you mean abt seeing lots of experts and still struggling. glad you are coping better now even if it's still a struggle.
babieseverywhere, thanks! i did repost in feeding section and got some helpful responses including one from you i think
thanks again everyone
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