OK, for the most part my FIL is lovely. Kind, generous and very funny. But he is a bit of a control freak (but a fabulous organiser), and has a tendancy to boss DH and his bro and sis about - they mostly ignore it tbh. He's tried it with me too but I told him to bugger off and I think he respected that! He has very little faith in his children's ability to manage anything. He's annoyed because we haven't yet told his dad (DH's grandpa) that I'm pregnant. This is purely because we thought it would be nice to do it face to face and this weekend is the first time we'll see him. He thinks we've been selfish for telling our friends without all of our family knowing. We haven't told him not to tell them though, and I'm relying on my parents to tell my extended family, otherwise the phone calls would bankrupt me. Nevermind the fact that until this weekend I hadn't even seen my parents since giving them the news! I'm a bit irritated with him for being so precious. Also, it's such a tiny, insiginificant thing but he called yesterday for the sole purpose of telling us not to forget the scan photos. FFS, we're not 5! I know full well that I'm an awkward bitch, but this sort of patronising attitude is only likely to make me 'forget' them on purpose. I know I'm probably BU, but this is really bugging me and I'm dreading that it's s sign of things to come! Does becoming grandparents really send the inlaws mad?
I can kind of see where he is coming from. I can certainly understand why he would feel your dh's grandpa would be upset if he knew that you had chosen to tell your friends before him. Some people are very old-fashioned about such things, and tend to think that the "correct" thing to do is to tell your family before you tell your friends.
And the scan photos ... you're being just a bit precious, I think. If he's otherwise lovely, I'd suggest it might have been a little reminder rather than something patronising - and comes from excitement about the baby, not a need to treat you like a five year old.
You're not alone - my fil would do exactly thesame thing. I veer between saying 'mmm' in a soothing manner and being quite (to my shame) exasperated. Maybe it's a generational thing or part of gettinr old, but my dm and pil believe their dc to be the same as they were when feckless teenagers - despite our happy stable lives. I try to think of it as my duty to get on with them as it would be with a work mate. I find a good moan to my sil (not dh's sister - married to bil) helps! I must say that my pil are brilliant, helpful and supportive, as well as patronizing, thoughtless and intrusive.I do wonder if I'll be the same?