Advanced search

I know I am but what if anything would you do ????

(21 Posts)
Abitconcerned Thu 21-Aug-08 23:59:43

Sorry for the anon but I may need to clarify in more detail later so you can understand why I'm so stressed about this.
I'll try and keep it as brief as possible.
We employed a nanny, she was a contact/loose friend of my ex boss who was such an immature bitch I ended up leaving my job and being paid off.
This nanny announced that her loyalty lay with me and she even helped me find legal help to sue my old company.
Whilst the nanny was needed for the first 2 of those months as soon as I left the job I didn't really need her but felt bad so I kept her, paying £300 a week for somebody to watch my kids whilst I was in the house most of the time, it really was awful.
She also cleaned for one of the mums at my children's school who she met through me a couple of hours a week.
Anyway she the nanny fell pregnant and her boyfriend decided she didn't need to work so she resigned, she'd been with us 6 months at this point.
So I thought we'd parted on good terms, was relieved to not have to pay out all that money anymore and all seemed fine, I had my kids back :-)
Unfortunately I find out from the mums jungle drums that she is setting up an after school club with one of the other mums at my children's school, the one she cleans for, over 30 miles away from her home, she'd never even heard of our school before she started work for me and now it seems I'm going to see her every day. I wouldn't mind at all but she's not answering my calls (to say hello, see how she is), has blocked me on facebook and actually hid from me and the children when we saw her shopping in Mothercare ????
I should also mention that she has no childcare qualifications at all, not ofstead registered so what she is playing at I don't know.
I know I'm being a bit unreasonable but this girl has such a loose tongue, she has told me so much gossip and exaggerated about other mums at the school I'm getting really stressed about what she might say true or not about me and that my children will be treated unkindly by her when they see her at school (after all they were calling her name in the shop and she hid behind the car seat display).
Sorry it's so long.

Portofino Fri 22-Aug-08 00:07:20

What is it that you;re worried about - that she is a gossip or that she is not qua;ified....

Abitconcerned Fri 22-Aug-08 00:09:01

Oh the gossip at the end of the day if any of the other mothers want her to look after their children that's their business I suppose, although I must say I just do not want her at our school, I do realise I can't stop her.

JayneF Fri 22-Aug-08 00:09:57

Her behaviour sounds a bit loopy to me as indeed it seems to you. I would not worry about it and believe that her loopiness will become immediately evident in any given circle of rational women, who themselves with come to ignore her.

If she is rude to the children they will tell you. In the meantime you should rise above it and be wonderfully civil to her as and when she does emerge from whatever hiding place she happens to be in next.

Truly though, just let it go and remain dignified with her.

lisad123 Fri 22-Aug-08 00:14:16

maybe she didnt want to be bothered by kids that day? I have days when i dont want to see anyone. I really wouldnt let it bother you too much. Your true friends know who and what you are like, no amount of gossip will change that. Unless you will be sending your kids to the ASC, they are unlikely to see her anyways. grin

S1ur Fri 22-Aug-08 00:20:39

tbh I'm not sure I really get the problem here.

So she is a gossip but come on, is there any other reason you think she might dislike you enough to slag you off?

As for qualifications, surely its down to individual parents whether they care or not - plenty leave their children with teen babysitters or otherwise unqualified people.

I may be way off, but it sounds like there's something else here.. Is there?

I get you're worried and I don't mean to be harsh, I'm just trying to understand.

S1ur Fri 22-Aug-08 00:23:54

I think I am missing something here, maybe she just found it awkward working for you?

And yes, though you and other mother she made contact with school and has new job. And she still feels a bit awkward about leaving you and etc so avoids you (a bit childishly).

Am I any closer????

<grasps at straws>

HumpheryCushion Fri 22-Aug-08 00:24:37

Ignore her.
Apart from passing the time of day if you see her at school, ignore her.

If she treats your children unkindly, report it to the Headteacher.

nappyaddict Fri 22-Aug-08 01:29:20

I don't really get why she is avoiding you if you left on good terms?

Abitconcerned Fri 22-Aug-08 07:47:04

I'm at a loss too, I sent her an email when she wouldn't take my calls asking her if she was ok, if I'd done something wrong and if she wanted to drop my house keys back we could have a chat and sort it out.
I got my key in an envelope delivered by the other mother at the school gates and then when I asked what was going she denied she knew, which is rubbish because the nanny told me everything there was to know about her whilst she was working for me so no doubt whatever I've "done" has been discussed with her.
I think my worry is that she is so damn two faced and I have confided in her before I realised what she was like and I don't really want my business spread around the playground, some of it we would have to move house if she revealed and that's not fair on my children :-(

LIZS Fri 22-Aug-08 08:10:11

I 'm confused by your issue here . Is it that you fear she is loose tongued , in which case it seems as if you were happy enough to enjoy the gossip you received but are now worried as to what she might say - isn't that the risk you take inviting someone into your home ? Are you really so important in the community that it is such a big deal ? Or are you miffed because she has used your contacts to set up a business ? She's clearly moved on and is busy, perhaps you should too .

Abitconcerned Fri 22-Aug-08 08:12:01

No i'm worried she will bitch about my kids and too be honest the gossip in my house is more juice and will have a greater impact on our lives, than HER opinions on my friends which what I listened to.

BecauseImWorthIt Fri 22-Aug-08 08:13:00

If what you divulged to her was that significant, then I think you were very foolish, especially as you obvioulsy knew what she was like.

Nothing you can do, IMO, just rise above it as others have said.

lilymolly Fri 22-Aug-08 08:17:15

Hang on minute
she was not qualified yet this was not a problem when she looked after your kids? but the moment she does something else it is not acceptable hmm

Does not make sense to me.

Yes she prob pissed you off by not speaking to you which does seem a little bizarre, but either ask her face to face what the problem is or move on and forget it.

You can worry about what she may say

lilymolly Fri 22-Aug-08 08:17:53

you CANT worry about what she may say blush

LIZS Fri 22-Aug-08 15:37:44

tbh it doesn't really matter whether she is going into this venture with your friend or not, if she is going to gossip about you then there will always be an opportunity to do so. If she is prone to exaggeration then others will learn to judge whatever she might say for what it is.

MsHighwater Fri 22-Aug-08 15:57:14

Hopefully you will know better in future than to reveal something embarrassing/damaging/whatever (significant enough that its disclosure would cause you to feel you had to leave the area) to someone you don't know well enough to know that she will keep it secret. Based on what you have said, I can't see what you can do. On the surface at least, she has done nothing untoward or unreasonable. And again, on the surface, it's not fair to object if someone gossips about you if you colluded with her in gossiping to you.

AMumInScotland Fri 22-Aug-08 16:04:05

So, you confided in her, you realise that it was a very daft thing to have done given her gossiping nature, and now you wish she wasn't going to be anywhere near you or your children? From your post, I'm not sure what it is she's supposed to have done that was so terrible - though there's an impression that she's really uncomfortable around you, you haven't explained why you think that should be.

Is there a lot more to this than what you've posted so far, because I don't see quite what the issue is, apart from you having told her things which are so terrible you'd have to move if they came out - in which case, surely the error is yours in telling anyone these things?

LongDroopyBoobyLady Fri 22-Aug-08 16:04:54

I think you have to let this go and put it down to experience. She will say what she wants to say and no intervention from you is likely to change that if she really is such a gossip.

happyhoney Fri 22-Aug-08 16:55:01

If she's at after school club and your DC are'nt they probably won't see her. TBH if she won'talk to you just don't keep trying - you seem to have done your best.smileAs for the gossip - that's women - they'll find someone else to talk about very quickly.

Abitconcerned Fri 22-Aug-08 20:14:11

A mum in Scotland I wish I knew what the problem is, DP thinks she feels bad because she's done or said something I am yet to find out and that's why I was dropped like a stone, adding to my worry though.
You are all right though I shall ignore her and if she does reveal anything at all I shall just not comment and then nobody will be any the wiser will they, unless I react (is that the right thing to do ???).

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: