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Restricting grandparent's access to my kids.

(19 Posts)
GrinningGorilla Wed 20-Aug-08 20:17:22

I am furious with my mum who rang me after two weeks of silence following a huge row in which she threatened me with social services and said I should be "ashamed" of the way I treat my children.

She wanted to arrange to see her grandchildren. I said I had discussed it with DP and she could see them on a Thursday am between 10 and 1. She said "I shouldnt have to make an appointment to see my grandchildren", and my DP said to her "its that or nothing". She put the phone down for the second time.

One thing I cannot tolerate is my mum telling me I am a bad mum. When we were kids I used to watch her beat the shit out of my brother with a rolling pin (he has cerebral palsy). I feel she is in absolutely no position to dictate to me about discipline. She has been bloody lucky I have let her see the kids at all. AIBU?

Aitch Wed 20-Aug-08 20:19:22

you are not, imo, being unreasonable. smile

tiredlady Wed 20-Aug-08 20:19:33

She sounds toxic and in need of some boundaries

lottiejenkins Wed 20-Aug-08 20:19:42

What a hypocrite your mum sounds! Threatening you with SS when she used to beat your brother! Stand by your guns! YANBU!!!

Lemontart Wed 20-Aug-08 20:20:11

It is your call, you know your children and your mum. The violence aspect would worry the hell out of me tbh. Of course, you know her and will be able to make a sound call on it, but are you sure she will not "flip" and lash out at your children if they annoy/upset her? On the other side of the coin - by punishing your mum for being so unreasonable (and I see why you would), how does this affect your kids? will they miss her?

twoluvlykids Wed 20-Aug-08 20:22:02

yanbu.but how old are your kids? i take it you would never leave them alone with her?

oi Wed 20-Aug-08 20:25:40

nope, not unreasonable. I have a mad family and quite happily restrict their access but luckily they don't make much of a fuss as they are too mad I think. Although I did consider a restraining order at one point (but then they backed off).

I guess she's going to have to try and live by your rules if she wants to see them.

GrinningGorilla Wed 20-Aug-08 20:26:22

My eldest does say he misses her, he is 4, but he is easily distracted. The younger two don't know whats happened. She has been gradually very negative over the last few months and has been making my 4 year old feel guilty about us moving away. He seems a lot happier and positive about things in the two weeks he hasnt seen her.

Imnotok Wed 20-Aug-08 20:27:39

I am in the process of stopping my pil seeing my dc at all .After years of treating them and dp like crap. She has also threatened us with ss for no reason what so ever apart from that she is a control freak.

She has beat the crap out of dp when he was a child (I knew her when I was a child so I know it happened) and has used violence against me .

Yanbu she sounds truly toxic just like my mil .

twoluvlykids Wed 20-Aug-08 20:27:41

sounds like you made a good move. tbh.

expatinscotland Wed 20-Aug-08 20:27:45

YANBU.

Cut her off entirely.

She sounds dangerous if she is threatening you with social services.

GrinningGorilla Wed 20-Aug-08 20:29:31

Thanks all for your advice, I had the beginnings of guilt pangs, but I hoped that I was doing the right thing.

blueskythinker Wed 20-Aug-08 21:27:22

It really pisses me off that people feel they can threaten social services like a big stick to beat people with.

Sounds like you may be better without her in your life.

roseability Wed 20-Aug-08 22:04:10

YANBU

I have toxic parents, it is hard

WinkyWinkola Wed 20-Aug-08 22:12:43

Jesus. She beat your brother with a rolling pin? Where's your brother now, Gorilla? Poor child. On that evidence alone, I would not let this person near my children under any circumstances. She's an abuser. No way.

garden Wed 20-Aug-08 22:20:50

it sounds a nightmare,so sad for you. have you read the stately homes thread? might help. (sorry if someone has suggested it already.)

beanieb Wed 20-Aug-08 22:21:54

"I feel she is in absolutely no position to dictate to me about discipline"

in what way was she preaching to you about discipline? Is it that she thinks you don't discipline them enough, or too much?

KatieDD Wed 20-Aug-08 22:24:44

What do you're kids gain for seeing her ? She doesn't sound like Mrs Doubtfire hmm

suey2 Wed 20-Aug-08 22:27:00

Sounds like you were right to move away! I wouldn't let her see them at all until she can talk to you with some civility- your kids won't get any benefit from it. You have already said your four year old is happier without her (obviously dripping poison in his ear). What a piece of work

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