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to think the woman I didn't recognise having a massive go at me for not letting her into nursery was being unreasonable?

(37 Posts)
chipmunkswhereareyou Wed 20-Aug-08 09:27:24

Bit of a rant here but I was just coming out of ds's nursery yesterday when there was another mum waiting at the (locked) door. Because I didn't recognise her, I asked her to wait for one of the staff to come(there is a sign that clearly asks parents not to let others in if we don't know them and she'd rung the bell so someone would have been there quickly).

The door is locked but not manned sometimes and if another parent is waiting often people going out let them in but most of us only do this if we know them.

I politely asked her to wait and she started saying 'you think you're the manager don't you?' hmm repeatedly to which I calmly and patiently said 'obviously no I don't think I'm the nursery manager I'm just following policy of not letting people we don't know in for the sake of safety' etc.

She claimed I did know her as I had said hello to her once (this might be true but it is a big nursery with a lot of parents and if I say hello once whilst dashing out or in with ds that doesn't mean I'll remember them however much later). She also said 'but I've been here a year and everyone knows me'.

I even said it was nothing personal and was ultra polite but she started really ranting at me until some staff came and she was saying how upset she was shock and acting like I'd been totally unreasonable for not letting her in and again saying 'she thinks she's the manager' hmm

At one stage she also asked me what I do for a living and I said I didn't see how that was relevant to which she said because I had spent 10 mins challenging her and discussing it (but erm so had she) and she was obviously trying to imply I had nothing better to do.

Anyway rant over but I was so angry afterwards as she was ranting about me to the staff once she had gone in and I stand by the fact that there is nothing wrong with politely asking someone to wait for a staff member.

That's reasonable right?

CouldYouWouldYouWithaGoat Wed 20-Aug-08 09:28:33

you were right, she is a dick.

WideWebWitch Wed 20-Aug-08 09:29:53

She's a silly cow, you were right, she was wrong, it's standard policy at most nurseries and is basic common sense. Forget it.

Spagblog Wed 20-Aug-08 09:29:56

Totally reasonable and if I were her I would appreciate that someone was being dilligent.

NotDoingTheHousework Wed 20-Aug-08 09:30:06

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch Wed 20-Aug-08 09:30:59

I would deliberately ignore her if I ever saw her again just to piss her off tbh. In a kind of petty 'you're so insignificant I don't remember you even though we had a row which was all about your being unreasonable' kind of way. But I recognise that the adult thing to do would be stay calm and chilly and polite.

chipmunkswhereareyou Wed 20-Aug-08 09:31:12

The only extenuating circumstance I can think of is she couldn't understand why I didn't know her but I did apologise for not recognising her in case I had indeed ONCE said hello months ago.

I now wish I'd said that maybe it was because her face wasn't very memorable!! But I never think of these things at the time.

It was so embarrassing as all the staff and a couple of the other mums were wondering what the blazing row on the doorstep was about!

cmotdibbler Wed 20-Aug-08 09:31:33

You're right. Our nursery has the same policy (although we have key fobs to get in, of course often the other parent has it so people have to ring and wait). I only let people in if I know them - as in, I actually know the child with them/recognise them from DS's class. And thats in a small nursery.

onepieceoflollipop Wed 20-Aug-08 09:32:59

What a cow. (her not you!)

tbh, I wouldn't have discussed it after my first polite refusal to let her in. I would have walked quietly away. If she had been particularly arsey argumentative, I may have phoned the nursery shortly afterwards just to ensure that she hadn't made any false accusations against me.

YWNBU, but slightly misguided to stand there letting her argue with you imo

chipmunkswhereareyou Wed 20-Aug-08 09:33:30

The thing that makes me think she is v. odd is the whole 'you think you're the nursery manager don't you' thing.

I know I should forget it and will but just have to get it off my chest!

sundew Wed 20-Aug-08 09:33:58

Hi YANBU at my dds nursery we are not allowed to let any parents in - even if we know them. It is for the safety of all the children.

Just rise above it!

TheOldestCat Wed 20-Aug-08 09:34:06

She was being completely unreasonable and you were being totally reasonable!

She should be pleased that other parents respect the (common sense) safety measures at your nursery.

Well done for remaining so polite.

Seabright Wed 20-Aug-08 09:36:02

YANBU. Deep down, she'll know she was an idiot, and now the nursery staff will too.

chipmunkswhereareyou Wed 20-Aug-08 09:36:11

Onepiece - I did phone the owner afterwards for that reason and am glad I did just to present my side of the story. He said it coulod never be wrong to ask someone to wait.

Luckily they know me quite well and hopefully know I wouldn't have been rude when I did so.

Yes good point about maybe calling it a day earlier in the convo.

Do most of your dcs' nurseries have someone from the staff manning the door at pick up/ drop off time if it's out of sight?

wingandprayer Wed 20-Aug-08 09:36:28

YANBU. Clearly she so VERY VERY busy and important she can't even wait five minutes for the door to be answered but has the time to pick a fight with passing mum. Stupid cow. Look at her with withering pity the next time you see her.

mumeeee Wed 20-Aug-08 09:37:18


BigBadMousey Wed 20-Aug-08 09:38:03

You were being completely reasonable.

Well done for standing your ground - I've had parents let me in to the nursery because they felt too embarrassed to do what you did.

I hope the nursery staff put her right. I'm sure the rule is you let NO-ONE in - even if you do know them (that is certainly the way it is at our nursery - and quite right too!)

snickersnack Wed 20-Aug-08 09:38:14

Good for you. That is something that really bugs me about nursery. Surely she wouldn't be happy if she thought other people were letting random strangers into the nursery? I know I wouldn't be.

onepieceoflollipop Wed 20-Aug-08 09:38:45

Oh yes our nursery always has someone nominated to open the door, usually quite a senior member of staff (if not the manager herself) and main drop off and pick up times.

This also allows them to ask parents if all is ok, as well as maintaining security.

We ring the doorbell, never wait more than 30 seconds. If I ever do let another parent in, I say loudly to whoever is in the office "just letting you know I have let Jamie's dad in as well" The door person also maintains the fire register so it isn't just security letting people in and out officially.

bogie Wed 20-Aug-08 09:40:14

you were right I once had to wait for 10 mins in the rain outside ds' nursery and there was 3 parents in reception but there children were in the older classes so they
didn't recognise me.
I was cold and wet but I wasn't angry at them because I wouldn't want anyone to be able to get into the nursery that didn't have a child there.

littleducks Wed 20-Aug-08 09:43:15

YANBU but honestly if something like that occurs again just walk away, just say "I'm sorry, they wont be long im sure" AND LEAVE, there is no point discussing it and getting yourself cross too (hindsight is great though!!!)

LilRedWG Wed 20-Aug-08 09:45:23

You were in the right - don't worry about her.

blueshoes Wed 20-Aug-08 09:50:56

chipmunk, she is clearly nuts. The security policy is as much for the protection of her dcs as it is for yours and other parents who use the nursery.

If she cannot understand that, makes me wonder whether she is a parent herself. So you are even more justified in not letting her in.

ScottishMummy Wed 20-Aug-08 10:05:38

you acted wholly appropriately and would imagine she would be reassured to be challenged if not known.

after all it is collective responsibility to keep nursery safe

my nursery is also v Vigilant and queried who LO dad was as new staff didnt know him
we were delighted and of course happy they checked

LOL at the "what do you do for a living themn Oik?"

HaHa claerly enough to pay for nursery just like you missy

tbh i cant remember parents names (know the bbay names not poarentsblush)

minouminou Wed 20-Aug-08 11:10:31

stupid cow....if you were the nursery manager, you'd have let her in, cos you'd have known her better
ahhhhh....good on ya - i've had it done to me, and it is tiresome, but rules is rules, and i think this particular rule should be observed

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