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to think this is unfair

(18 Posts)
hollyandnoah Tue 19-Aug-08 17:56:09

My dps mum has just snnounced that his cousin is applying for full custody of daughter.

The little girl is almost 3. My dps cousin (dad) who lives with his parents, looks after her one night a week, but often leaves her with his parents because he is young and his weekend is mainly for drinking.
His xp, girls mum, lives with her friend, they rent a house together because they couldnt afford on their own. She has just got herself a job, and her flatmate looks after her daughter while she works.

dp's mum just came in and said that dps cousin has taken the little girl and is refusing to give her back untill he sees a lawyer because he doesnt want her leaving dd with her friend.

Now i think thats horrible! He only takes her one night a week! How can he possibly take her from her mum? He works full time as an apprentise painter and decorater, so who will be watching when he is at work?

It kinda wound me up a bit because i think its a shame on both the mum awho is only working to support her little girl, and on the daughter who is being taken froom her mummy. She only started working a few weeks ago and has brought her daughter up alone fpr 3 years!

I exprecced that i felt sad for her but no one else agreed with me... I dont know if maybe it is because the bo is their family so they are biast, or maybe i just see things differently!

TotalChaos Tue 19-Aug-08 17:57:57

He sounds like a seriously unpleasant control freak.

AbbaFan Tue 19-Aug-08 17:59:38

Was it a 'nice' split?

Is he just doing this to be mean to the mum?

Anyway he probably won't get custody anyhow.

Overmydeadbody Tue 19-Aug-08 17:59:55


Your dp's cousin sounds selfish and controlling. He certainly isn't putting his DD's needs first is he?

hollyandnoah Tue 19-Aug-08 18:01:58

no, they had a fling and she fell pregnant.. they tried going out but it didnt work. She has always been a lone parent, and has always lived with her parents, only now is she trying to get things back on track!

I dont even know the girl, have only met her about 4 times. But i know it doesnt seem right.

PinkyDinkyDooToo Tue 19-Aug-08 18:03:32

How awful for the poor little girl sad. Does he have a specific problem with the friend who is looknig after his DD? Maybe she is not that responsible, just projecting here.

If not then it is a real shame, and its not like he would be looking after her anyway by trhe sounds of it, it would be his parents

hollyandnoah Tue 19-Aug-08 18:05:08

Don't know really, they just said that they don't want her left with someone who's not a proper nanny! Which is fair enough, but i bet he doesnt get one! And if it was such a problem, why cant he help her with childcare? :| ahh

cyteen Tue 19-Aug-08 18:08:29

He's obviously pretty stupid if he's willing to scupper his chances of getting custody by refusing to return the child to her mother, so I wouldn't worry too much.

nametaken Tue 19-Aug-08 18:17:20

Is he punishing her for daring to work? He never wanted custody when the mother didn't work.

I've never ever heard of a father who wasn't at some point married to the mother of his kid getting custody.

hollyandnoah Tue 19-Aug-08 22:54:09

Dont know what he thinks, all the family are acting smug and proud about it. I think it;s disgusting. The girls mum and stepdad have been at the house and taken her home, but his mum and dad have been at her home shouting and demanding the child back. Supposidly she is unfit, i asked why, and was told because she suffered PND when baby was born!!!! I'm so angry.

KatieDD Tue 19-Aug-08 23:16:01

He won't get custody of her and if he keeps this up it'll be supervised access for him because he can't be trusted to hand her back. Do you know the girl well enough to point her in the direction of legal advice ?

hollyandnoah Tue 19-Aug-08 23:18:43

I dont know her unfortunatly! I have only met her a handful of times. I am embarrassed to say that it is the boy i know :|

Seabright Wed 20-Aug-08 09:12:29

Do you know if his name is on the birth certificate (unmarried father's only go on it if they were actually there when the birth was regstered). If no, he has no automatic parental responsibility, although he can apply for it.

TenaciousG Wed 20-Aug-08 16:39:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollyandnoah Wed 20-Aug-08 18:28:58

I would have called the police straight away.:| ass

newforold Wed 20-Aug-08 18:45:51

Until a court has settled the matter the girl will be assumed to have residency as she will hold the child benefit entitlement.

Courts generally look at the status quo in a residency case and would certainly not remove a child from it's usual family home unless there were documented incidents that showed that the child is at immediate risk.
These incidents would have to be severe for a child to be removed.

The father sounds like a twat. The mother now has enough grounds to refuse all contact unless supervised on the grounds that the father does not have the childs best interests at heart and is likely to abscond with the child.

All children have a right to an uninterrupted relationship with both parents but subjecting a child to this sort of upheaval is not in the childs best interests. He needs to calm down, grow up and learn that a child needs committed co-parents rather than a battleground.

nappyaddict Wed 20-Aug-08 18:48:41

so the girls mum can't leave her with her friend to work but he can leave her with his parents to go uot drinking

GrapeJelly Wed 20-Aug-08 18:56:41

She's done nothing wrong, it's his behaviour that needs questioning. Sounds like he's just trying to upset her. I doubt very much that the DD's welfare is his primary concern. I'd go for supervised visits from now on. And his family should be ashamed of themselves for supporting his stupid actions.

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