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To want more information before i attempt to form an opinion on WOHMs/SAHMs?

(71 Posts)
GodzyGoesBananas Mon 18-Aug-08 22:56:13

My only experiences of WOHMs are negative ones. I am going to call them Cases as i don't want to disclose who they are to me.

Case 1: WOHM since late teens, seperated from DDs father due to violence, left DD at home alone or with a friend for fairly long periods. DD now an adult has VERY close (too close some might say!) relationship with her mum, but some serious mental baggage including security issues.

Case 2: WOHM who had severe PND and went back to work when LO was a toddler. Is upset because her LO seems more attatched to carers than to her. Issues with discipline arising (from what i can tell) from inconsistency/discrepancies between childminder/nursery/home.

Case 3: WOHM who feels forced into work because financialy they can't afford to pay the rent if she doesn't (although theoretically the family could make cut-backs, but don't want to), but struggles to pay for the childcare during holidays. Also disciplinary issues, but i think mostly from parenting style rather than anything else.

Case 2 and 3 when they talk to me often gripe about not seeing their children enough and them being more attatched to the carer. they always seem exhausted and they hardly see their partner (resulting in a split for one of them).

Please can someone enlighten me to how it can go well - how the heck does anyone manage their home, relationship and have a bond with their child(ren) whilst working full time? Do all children of working parents behave so badly even up to the teenage years? Do you have any time to yourself?

oranges Mon 18-Aug-08 22:57:15


oranges Mon 18-Aug-08 22:57:43

why do you need to know anyway?

Tittybangbang Mon 18-Aug-08 22:59:05

I'm at home most of the time and my children are very rude and badly behaved.grin

Does that help?

GodzyGoesBananas Mon 18-Aug-08 22:59:26

I am fed up of these discussions on MN where people go on and on about how everyone else is wrong, when surely unless you have tried it you don't have all the information?

Hopeysgirlwasntbig Mon 18-Aug-08 22:59:27

popcorn oranges? I've got butter or salted.

BoysAreLikeDogs Mon 18-Aug-08 23:00:14

PARPing myself

farrowandball Mon 18-Aug-08 23:00:20

why do you need to form an opinion?

donnie Mon 18-Aug-08 23:00:37

so fucking bored....

Alambil Mon 18-Aug-08 23:00:47

well surely Case 2 would be positive if they have a plan between cm/nursery/home for consistency regarding behaviour?!

You can't blame a mother working on her DC behaviour - I'm going to be a WOHM soon, on my own, and DC is NOT going to be an ill-behaved child due to it.

watsthestory Mon 18-Aug-08 23:01:32

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watsthestory Mon 18-Aug-08 23:02:48

Message withdrawn

MegBusset Mon 18-Aug-08 23:02:52

<rolls eyes>

GodzyGoesBananas Mon 18-Aug-08 23:03:50

No i can't blame a child misbehaving on the mother working. This is how it appears to me, but since i am not that child or parent, how can i know?

I am asking a genuine question...which has partly been answered by LewisFan. I doubt she has asked about this. Can you do that?

MegBusset Mon 18-Aug-08 23:06:10

<remembers she is daughter of a ft WOHM, and a single mum at that>

<sets fire to thread, delinquently>

Bowddee Mon 18-Aug-08 23:06:48

I work part time.

DS goes to Nursery part time.

We have no behaviour/discipline issues.

Me & DH sometimes argue.

DS goes to bed at 7:30pm so I have had 3.5 hours to myself so far.

I do not care what anyone else's opinion of these facts is.


wahwah Mon 18-Aug-08 23:07:53

Don't bother trying to gather information, I say you should just jump in with an opinion and then defend it to the death.

I really don't give a stuff what anyone thinks about my choices except my children and I put their child benefit away to pay for the therapy they're going to need. Impressed?

Soapbox Mon 18-Aug-08 23:08:28

Erm... isn't that the point, you will never be that parent or that child.

So just concentrate on your own life, where I presume you do know what's what and keep you beak out of everyone else's business.

edam Mon 18-Aug-08 23:08:50

I think you'll find as a general rule the people you happen to know aren't necessarily representative of the whole. I don't think there are any statistics that would suggest children of working mothers are more or less likely to be badly behaved than children of SAHMs.

I am surprised that your friends or relatives complain about their children being too attached to their childminders/nannies/whatever though. When ds was in nursery or with his nanny, I regarded it as a GOOD thing. Meant he felt secure and the carer felt warm towards him. Maybe they just need to concentrate on working with the nanny or childminder etc. - either having one set of rules or making it very clear that there are nursery rules and home rules.

I was very close to my childminder when I was little and my mother also saw that as a positive - in fact Linda became an honourary auntie and had a special role at my wedding.

And, FWIW, my sister grew up to be perfectly normal adults who have a good relationship with our mother and each other (and are lucky enough to know Linda and her boys, too).

hf128219 Mon 18-Aug-08 23:09:28

I am a miracle mum. Me and my DH earn sheds of cash (mega bucks - grin).

But our lust for better things makes me want to commute every day for more.

My dh loves me to bits. My dd laughs and plays all day.

And we have 25 hours of domestic help at home every week (cleaning, ironing etc) Ooh and a gardener!

Anything else you want to know?

GodzyGoesBananas Mon 18-Aug-08 23:09:39

So i should keep my current opinion which is WOHM all have badly behaved children and no proper relationship with their kids, because nobody will talk to me about it?

I am asking people to talk to me about their relationship with their kids, and how they manage things because i have no experience of being a WOHM myself and would like reassurance that it can work before i take the plunge myself. I feel insecure doing it otherwise, even though my kids will be in school.

edam Mon 18-Aug-08 23:10:35

(my sister and I, obviously)

GodzyGoesBananas Mon 18-Aug-08 23:11:46

Bowddee and edam, thankyou, and hope the x-post wasn't taken too seriously because it was an exaggeration!

thumbwitch Mon 18-Aug-08 23:12:38

most of my friends who are WOHM are part time - this obviously makes a difference. Their children are still too young to know whether or not they will be delinquent when they grow up.

My mum went back to work when my bro and sis started school (WOHM) and I became a "latchkey kid" when I went to senior school. DIdn't do me any harm, no delinquency issues here.

I am a WAHM (ha! Didn't include that option, did you?!) but then DS is only 8 1/2mo. I will be interested to find out if he has any lasting scars from being left on his own in his cot with his toys for an hour at a time while I am treating clients (no more than 1 per half day) but I doubt it somehow.

watsthestory Mon 18-Aug-08 23:13:06

Message withdrawn

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