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to be annoyed at what my mil cooks when we visit?

(151 Posts)
2luvlyboys Mon 18-Aug-08 21:22:43

Yesterday we went to pils for dinner. We had a roast chicken dinner and it was lovely! She is a great cook tbh. So far so good. She also did a lovely homemade raspberry and blackberry pudding. Again lovely. But then she had to spoil it by producing vanilla or CHOCOLATE icecream to go with it and a home made rice pudding. Whats wrong with that you may ask? I saw her make it she put sugar AND a whole can of evaporated milk in it!!! And she bought in a jug with more evaporated milk!! Dh's family has always made a big deal over puddings. I always thought it was really great until I had my dcs. When I saw her making the rice pudding I did comment that she needn't of done that as well as the blackberry and raspberry pudding. Thats all right she said its a plesure! hmm I made sure I dished out ds1 his sponge pudding straight away but then mil produced the chocolate icecream and ofcourse he went on and on about wanting it. Ever tried refusing a 2.11 year old chocolate icecream? MIL gave him some and I made a comment that hes never had chocolae icecream before! Then ds1 spied the rice pudding and wanted some. I reluctantly as I didn't want a scene game him a little bit. Ofcourse he quickly polished it off and wanted more at which point mil gave him more without even checking 1st. She even asked if ds2 wanted any and I said no way (he's 9 months). My dcs don't have food like this usually and she knows it. I think if you give them used to sweet things now you give them a hard to break sweet tooth (my dh has one for sure)!! AIBU? My mum surprised me I must admit when she pointed out its not an everyday occurance or even a weekly thing (monthly if that). Seemed to be implying that I'm making too much of it which I thought strange as she would never cook things like that for my dcs. What do others think?

palaver Mon 18-Aug-08 21:24:47

your 2.11 year old has never had chocolate icecream before??


nametaken Mon 18-Aug-08 21:25:55

I think she sounds lovely.

I can't remember the last time I ate a meal that I didn't either cook or pay for so I would just have been in 7th heaven to be sat there with all my kids eating a lovely home cooked meal that someone else prepared.

Habbibu Mon 18-Aug-08 21:25:56

I think YABU, to be honest - making sweet food a taboo is probably not a good idea - forbidden fruit, and all that. Does sound like quite a stupendously huge dessert course, but I'd just let them have a wee bit of each, and ask her to put the rest away quickly.

RhinestoneCowgirl Mon 18-Aug-08 21:26:04

That's me failing at perfect motherhood again then <sigh>

Seriously, don't think there's much wrong with the type of pud you described, sorry...

MrsMattie Mon 18-Aug-08 21:26:05

You're making too much of it.

kerryk Mon 18-Aug-08 21:26:40


she was doing her best and it was lovely of her to go to so much effort.

i would much rather my children had homemade food with sugar than processed crap.

if it really bothered you that much you could have said no, you are there mother.

rookiemater Mon 18-Aug-08 21:26:58

Umm I'm kind of with your mother on this one.

If you go there once a month I'm sure your DCs can figure out that this spread isn't their normal diet. Also once they have overdosed a few times on this stuff, btw evaporated milk in a jug yuk, then I'm sure they will be in no hurry to repeat the experience.

Habbibu Mon 18-Aug-08 21:27:10

Whose was the thread where the MIL only ever provided ham and lettuce?

LynetteScavo Mon 18-Aug-08 21:27:10


It's only a monthly thing. My paternal gradmother did the same thing weekly. None of us grew up sugar craving or obese. (Although my sister does have a big thing for Nutella)

falcon Mon 18-Aug-08 21:28:04

YABU, the woman made what sounds like a delicious meal for you and all you can do is complain about too many sweet things being served?

Your mother is right, having that occasionally won't hurt and denying a child sweet things or very strictly limiting them will only encourage them to overindulge once they have free access to them.

liath Mon 18-Aug-08 21:28:04

I'm sorry but I do think you're being a bit unreasonable - your MIL sounds like she went to a real effort to make lovely home-cooked food and it won't do your kids any harm. I think people can get a bit hysterical about sugar etc sometimes, it's not heroin. Sorry!

SoupDragon Mon 18-Aug-08 21:28:34


nametaken Mon 18-Aug-08 21:28:40

If you accept an invitation to dinner at someone's home, you have to eat what they give you. Or did you think you could accept an invitation to dinner in someones home and then not eat what they had prepared?

cyanarasamba Mon 18-Aug-08 21:28:56

I think your mum has a point, on occaision it doesn't hurt for them to have sweet things. And fruit/milk pudding (even ice-cream) after a balanced meal seems an appropriate way for them to enjoy such things.

If you deny them altogether they may just crave sweet things more - better for them to learn how to enjoy them as part of a healthy diet.

falcon Mon 18-Aug-08 21:28:59

Ok perhaps not all you can do, you did praise the chicken, but really once a month or even once a week wouldn't bother me.

mrsgboring Mon 18-Aug-08 21:29:03

Children naturally have a sweet tooth.

Children require a higher fat diet than adults.

Your problem?

onepieceoflollipop Mon 18-Aug-08 21:29:23

Give the dcs tiny samples of whatever they want (that's what I'd do)

Now my dd1 is 4.7, we tend to know if we are going somewhere where there will be excessive amounts of food. We plan ahead and she knows to be ready to negotiate rather than snatch at all the cakes or whatever!

Don't fall out with your mil over something that is not a major issue.

abbieslife Mon 18-Aug-08 21:29:33

Wow, three puddings?! Where does she live? I'll go for lunch!
YAB ridiculously U.
Once a month? It's not worth worrying about.

SpinMeRightRound Mon 18-Aug-08 21:29:54

I wish my mil went to such an effort!

lilymolly Mon 18-Aug-08 21:29:59

FgS Get a grip smile

She sounds lovely- just like my mil and mother who seem to think that food is love and the more laden with sugar/fat the better it is!

twinsetandpearls Mon 18-Aug-08 21:30:02

You are being very unreasonabe and quite ungreatful.

SorenLorensen Mon 18-Aug-08 21:30:28

You're upset because your MIL cooked you a lovely meal and over-catered with the puddings?

GivePeasAChance Mon 18-Aug-08 21:30:41


It was not poison

Habbibu Mon 18-Aug-08 21:31:05

dd gets ice cream on the odd occasion we have it - she embarrassed me once when I was carrying her round St Andrews on a busy summer's day - everytime we passed someone carrying an ice cream she leaned over and stuck out her tongue for a lick! Thankfully everyone found it very funny (and I kept her clear of their ice-creams)

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