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in being pissed off with MIL and not wanting her to come to our home ever again?

(30 Posts)
DisenchantedPlusBump Mon 18-Aug-08 12:54:54

She is already not allowed here because of some nasty spiteful things she said, at a time I was really down.

She has respected that and DH takes the kids to visit her, It doesn't bother me at all that I haven't seen her in about 3 months but recently I was feeling bad about it.

Im 21 weeks pregnant and she hasn't seen my bump, she hasn't seen he scan pics, baby clothes etc ...

So she is unwell (we are not talking about a frail old lady here BTW, she is only 43!) having a few health problems and last week DH went out with her, he took a lot longer than expected and when he got home he said she had been sobbing in the car (I know you don't know her so its hard to understand but she does things like this all the time for sympathy)

so anyways she was crying and upset over being ill and asked DH when she could come back in the house.

We talked and I told DH he could invite her round.

He txted her and told her to pop in next time she was around.

The next day she pulls up and phones DH. He goes outside and talks for a bit.

She doesn't come in.

This happens again the next day.

By the 3rd day Im getting pissed off, shes been going on at DH for ages about how she misses the kids (she sees them at her house about 2/3 times a week) and wants to sort it out but never approaches the house.

So the next day me and DH are putting up babies new wardrobe, MIL is outside (stealing our broadband on her laptop wink ) she phones DH again, and he goes to the window, he shouts to her 'mum, we are just putting up a wardrobe for the baby ... would you like to come in and mind the boys for a while whilst we do it?'

She says yes,

I tell the boys that nana is coming in to see them and to play, they get all excited and play int heir room waiting,

20 mins pass, I look out of the window she is still on the laptop, the boys are shouting 'nana' at the stairgate,

another 10 minutes pass and we have finished the wardrobe.

I look out of the window to see MIL driving away!! shock

I am SOOOOO pissed off.

This woman hurt and offended me so bloody much, she put me in a bad place mentaly for a long time, and my confidence still isn't back to how it was...

she cries about not being allowed in and I hand out the olive branch and she does that?!

Im not attempting it again.

I've had it with her.

She sounds like a bit of a nutjob TBH YANBU.

Dynamicnanny Mon 18-Aug-08 12:57:12

yaNbu for you and your little ones

wotsits Mon 18-Aug-08 12:58:48

and secure your broadband wink

Soapbox Mon 18-Aug-08 12:59:08

Change the security password on your broadband so that she can't access it. Then she won't need to sit outside.

onepieceoflollipop Mon 18-Aug-08 12:59:34

Oh she sounds awful. My mil can be awkward as well, I have posted about her and mners have said she sounds like a loon. Strangely I found that a comfort.

So, I will say that about your mil as it may help you.

Shame that she has to involve the children in her manipulative games. sad

theSuburbanDryad Mon 18-Aug-08 12:59:38

Nuttier than squirrel poo. Keep the arrangement where your dh takes the kids to see her at her house. Why does she need to come into your house anyway? Once you've seen one scan pic you've seen them all, they all look like blobby out of focus photocopied star maps anyway and if this is your 3rd child then I assume it'll be the same baby clothes as for dc's 1 and 2!

Harsh, me? grin

DisenchantedPlusBump Mon 18-Aug-08 13:00:42

She goes on ours or another broadband connection outside, so she would still sit there.

It freaks me out, even before we argued she would do that, sit outside for 40mins rather than knock on the door and come in to use the internet hmm

theSuburbanDryad Mon 18-Aug-08 13:00:45

And yes - get your network secured! Then she doesn't need to sit outside your house, she can go to Starfucks like ever other bugger!

StellaWasADiver Mon 18-Aug-08 13:00:48

hmmm but what about the story we don't know - from your MILs POV...

BitOfFun Mon 18-Aug-08 13:01:54

What a huge PITA she is. Agree with others, keep her out of your home, let dcs see her elsewhere perhaps, and try and forget about her.

DisenchantedPlusBump Mon 18-Aug-08 13:02:02

TSD i know, i just felt bad when she drops the kids off and beeps or phones DH to let him know she is outside, so I thought it was time to finish it.

I was just so offended

theSuburbanDryad Mon 18-Aug-08 13:02:28

Get your neighbours to secure their network too then! Or phone the police - it's technically theft!

theSuburbanDryad Mon 18-Aug-08 13:04:06

But if you said, "Oh ffs you can come in to drop the kids off, you can have a cup of tea while you're here," or whatever, would that be opening the floodgates for more kerr-azy behaviour from her?

wotsits Mon 18-Aug-08 13:04:21

sorry, didn't mean to be flip. I agree with UFLegalMummy - your MIL sounds like a real drama queen. Fancy promising to see the boys and then driving away when she knew they were waiting.
YANBU to be so annoyed, and for not wanting her to come over again. Have you told DH this?

DisenchantedPlusBump Mon 18-Aug-08 13:05:42

Yes I'm very vocal about her, lol. He knows I've had enough.

rebelmum1 Mon 18-Aug-08 13:17:07

why is she sitting outside your house in her car? Is it just to get your broadband? This sounds very odd to me? I've never heard the like. I'd laugh at it and not take it too personally, she's obviously unhinged. What did she do to make you ban her?

rebelmum1 Mon 18-Aug-08 13:18:02

Sadly you can't make her diappear you have to put up with it I'm afraid. I have a sour one too.

flimflammum Mon 18-Aug-08 13:39:28

It does sound like she's insecure and manipulative. But it's possible she didn't come in because she's nervous about being somewhere she knows she's not really welcome. What about inviting her round on a specific day and time for a cuppa or whatever, and you could need to pop out for some made-up reason so you would only need to see her briefly, to start to make things a bit more 'normal'? The broadband thing is just very weird.

DisenchantedPlusBump Mon 18-Aug-08 13:47:40

I don't want to flim.

It took a lot to 'ask her back'. I didn't really want her back but was doing it for her and DH. But I'm in no hurry to try again now.

DisenchantedPlusBump Mon 18-Aug-08 13:56:58

She isn't allowed in because me and DH were going through a very, very bad patch. I was about 10 weeks pregnant and very ill with morning sickness, I have 2 toddlers age 2 & 3 and everything had gotten on top of me.

DH and I had had an argument and I phoned MIL for help, I wanted her to come round and calm him down and ask him to leave just for the night as it was bad.

She came, I was in tears already, DH was upstairs.

I told her about all the things DH had done, I wnated it all out in the open, he had been doing some things that hurt me alot.

I told her and she said that it was my fault he was that way, it was my fault he was depressed, because I wasn't coping with my kids I had let the house get into a state, she said my house was ''disgusting'' and I shouldn't be putting so much pressure on DH. She said my son was ill because of my disgusting house (he had a tummy bug that all the kids int he family had hmm ) and basically I was a crap mum.

I was in a bad place already and asked her for help, she took that opportunity whilst I was in a vulnerable state to voice all the things she really felt about me.

I was in pieces.

It doesn't sound so bad but considering the things I was telling her that her son had done (I don't want to get into that, its over and done with and we are getting on like a dream now) considering how bad they were and how they were hurting me I couldn't believe she was acting as if they were all because of me, due to the fact I had let the house work get on top of me in my pregnant, with 2 toddlers state!

macdoodle Mon 18-Aug-08 14:03:22

Your MIL was never ever going to put you before her precious DS - trust me on this - my MIl is actually ok - my H/her DS is a twunt - but she will never ever say a bad word about him to me - so we just don't discuss it end off - she adores my DD's and that has to be enough.
I asked her for help once as well and got thrown back (so I know how much it hurts) I won't make that mistake again - you asked the wrong person for help IME....

Iklboo Mon 18-Aug-08 14:08:28

Am I the only MNer who really gets on with her MIL? I get on with mine better than my own mum!
That being said, DH is of the kind that would stand up to her if she was out of order.
I guess I'm very lucky that way. Sorry yours is such a PITA sad

IShaggedInVictorianSqualor Mon 18-Aug-08 14:14:18

No, ilkboo, mine is fab.
I had to chuckle yesterday when she went to caw over DS2 who had just woken up and BiL told her to leave him alone and she answered 'No, shut up,He's mine' and I imagined the sort of threads that could have sparked if she was a MiLzillagrin

Upwind Mon 18-Aug-08 14:18:10

I think it is unfair to ask any family or friends to get involved in a dispute between husband and wife. Unfortunately when they do, stuff like this happens. It is impossible to be unbiased when it comes to your DS and DIL, it was wrong to expect her to intervene on your behalf.

From her perspective, you were not getting your act together, she spoke her mind and is now excluded from the house. Your eventual "extending the olive branch" was actually a request to help you out/mind your DC.

All that aside her behaviour is odd, and I would secure the broadband!!! She sounds like a drama queen and a PITA, but she will always be your DC's granny. Don't let her wind you up or make you feel guilty, but maybe do keep inviting her in, for your DC and DH's sake.

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