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To be annoyed at SIL for copying everything I do (warning long rant)

(30 Posts)
Shelly679 Mon 18-Aug-08 11:30:56

Started off about 5 years ago when my now DH and I got engaged - two months later she was engaged. We set date for wedding and she said this was the date she wanted so I changed but this wasn't good enough and she set hers then for 6 months later. When I told family I was pg she then announced 2 months later that she was also pg - only 7 weeks gone!
Since the children has been born my MIL takes nothing to do with my DD but looks after hers constantly and stays overnight to "help her out" even though I live close to them also, and have no family and very little friends as I had to move - I have no outside support but was told "you can cope".

When they moved into their house they got the same sofa, tiles, and kitchen etc.

Now every time my DD gets something new the exact same thing appears in their house a week later.

I'm just so annoyed that they can't think for themselves, i'm not included in their lives as they don't think i'm good enough, yet they copy everything I do.

Sorry for the rant, I know IABU but just needed to get it off my chest.

beanieb Mon 18-Aug-08 11:34:10

YABU.

Overmydeadbody Mon 18-Aug-08 11:34:46

Why let it annoy you?

They obviously think highly of you and your taste, I'd take it as a compliment.

Life is too short to get annoyed by these things.

RubyRioja Mon 18-Aug-08 11:35:25

Sounds a bit odd, but what can you do?
How about buyihg soem dreadful stuff, letting her see it, then returining it to shop wink

Shelly679 Mon 18-Aug-08 11:36:34

Thanks I know my DH and mum tells me not to let it bother me as well, but feels better just getting it out

Tortington Mon 18-Aug-08 11:38:20

why do you frequent ith these people to know that much?

i think you need some space away from your inlaws

bogie Mon 18-Aug-08 11:39:03

I dont think yabu.
My sil is like this and it pisses me right off.

AMumInScotland Mon 18-Aug-08 11:40:12

Well, most of it doesn't really impact your life, so I'd be tempted to laugh it off, and maybe even make a joke of it with MIL. Maybe comment next time the same thing appears, or buy something and say "I wonder how long till SIL has one?"

The bit which perhaps has more impact is if they are not offering you any help when you could really do with it. Perhaps MIL thinks you're doing fine and don't need any help, but SIL is less capable? If you really could do with some help, maybe you'll need to ask for it, and let them know when you're struggling. They may just think it's not needed.

Bumdiddley Mon 18-Aug-08 11:45:13

Slightly confused - they want nothing to do with you, but know exactly what's in your house??

Shelly679 Mon 18-Aug-08 11:45:54

I don't visit now except on birthdays and special occassions and they very rarely visit now because I don't visit them.
My MIL was supposed to look after my dd when I went back to work PT but after 2 days said she couldn't cope becacause of her age. When my SIL went back to work a few months later it was no bother looking after her DD full time and some weekends. Wee things like that annoys me as well as I had to find a childminder at very short notice and she didn't really care that she left us in the lurch

Shelly679 Mon 18-Aug-08 11:49:35

Bumbiddley - this was when we moved in a few years ago. My DH sees them every day and they used to grill him about what we had bought for dd, he didn't realise what they were at at first but now tells them a pack of lies and you should see some of the crap they have now - honestly they have more money than sense

MatNanPlus Mon 18-Aug-08 11:49:45

How do they know what you have in your house as they don't seem to visit you?

Take it as a lack of imagination on their part and let it flow over you.

ThatBigGermanPrison Mon 18-Aug-08 11:52:45

Your MIL is your SIL's daughter, yes? Well, if this is the case, then your MIL loves her more than she loves you. That's just the way it is.

I think you are being very silly to care what they have in their house.

Shelly679 Mon 18-Aug-08 11:53:28

Will do. Honestly I feel a million times better now just to tell someone thats not family.

AMumInScotland Mon 18-Aug-08 11:54:52

Well, the relationship between your MIL and SIL may be different from your relationship with her - there are plenty of threads on MN about how MILs are not the same as mothers. I agree it's not exactly fair if she "can't cope" with one child, but then takes responsibility for the other, but I think it may just be something which you have to accept and move on from. Try to develop a relationship with them which works for you all, and don't expect more from her, then you can enjoy their company without making comparisons.

mm22bys Mon 18-Aug-08 12:08:25

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flaterry".

Doesn't make it any less annoying though.

YANBU.

TenaciousG Mon 18-Aug-08 13:51:40

I think YABVU to imagine that she only got married and had a baby because you did hmm This is big life stuff; should she have put it off just because you pipped her to the post? And for how long?

I suspect there is more to this than meets the eye.

Shelly679 Mon 18-Aug-08 14:50:09

May be big life stuff and everyone does it but me and dh were together for 4 years before we got engaged - they were together 3 months! We had been trying for a baby and they had quite openly said before that they wanted to see the world before having children.

Yes SIL is MIL's only daughter. MIL does everything for her - housework, washing etc and the SIL treats her like dirt, I used to feel sorry for MIL and would've taken her shopping, been a shoulder to cry on etc before dd was born but now she is to busy doing stuff for SIL that she is too tired to do anything else.

Have asked for help for them after dd was born eg for half an hour to get groceries and they always had something else to do - so I just stopped asking.

MatNanPlus - will take your advice and try my best to let it flow over me

bunchoflowers Mon 18-Aug-08 14:50:09

Imitation is actually a form of flattery, she may well think a lot of you and want to be like you!

narkymum Mon 18-Aug-08 14:56:33

I have a SIL just like yours, yes it is crap sad but I think in most families you get something like this. Do you see your own mum much, your SIL and MIL will always remain clos which is understandable, sorry sp am nappy head at mo.

Shelly679 Mon 18-Aug-08 15:02:07

See my own mum about once a month as we live so far away but would talk most evenings on the phone. Think this is a problem as I am probably a bit jealous because I have no one I can turn to in RL and I see everyone else just leaving their children off at their parents at the drop of a hat so they can get a rest.

MatNanPlus Mon 18-Aug-08 15:11:05

I think you do just need to put it ourt of your mind S679 it is sad that they are like this and it seems to be a common thing, i get on alright with MIL and SIL but i know their limits and ishoos so am never terribly surprised at the things they do which could boggle the brain.

Accept they are a twosome and see them when it is conveinient for you and not the other way around.

As for no being able to cope with your DD, course not as she already knew she would have the other GC!!!

Lucky escape me thinks personally for you and your DD.

TenaciousG Mon 18-Aug-08 16:12:45

>>me and dh were together for 4 years before we got engaged - they were together 3 months! We had been trying for a baby and they had quite openly said before that they wanted to see the world before having children.

YA still BU, you don't know if it was a planned pg or not, and just because you work to a certain timescale re relationships, it doesn't mean that everyone else has to. hmm I think you should let your resentment about this go, tbh, it sounds like it is colouring the way you interpret your sil's subsequent actions.

Anyway, Matnan is right about it being a blessing in disguise, if relations with mil are strained, her providing unpaid childcare could exacerbate matters if any dispute arises. At least if you pay someone you can insist on things being done your way. grin

TheProvincialLady Mon 18-Aug-08 16:16:36

I think you are a bit mad if you think she rushed to get herself up the duff as soon as she heard you werehmm That is just paranoia. She may be irritating but as you don't seem to like her anyway, who cares what she does or whether she likes the same tiles you do?

MaloryDontDiveItsShallow Mon 18-Aug-08 16:19:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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