to be furious with dd's best friend's mum?

[Roseylea]

So...dd (6 y o) only really has one friend at school, a boy with SN who is a year older than she is. She and he really love each other to bits and play together all the time at school (which may be part of the reason she doesn't really play with the others).

His mum is nice and we have done things in the past together. Her partner is very odd though and she seems dissatisfied with her life, although I don't think she'd say that out loud.

Today we were supposed to go out with the dc for the day. THe boy's mum was really happy when we fixed it and she had loads of ideas about where we could go. I phoned twice last week to confirm time etc but no answer so I left messages. Dd was really looking forward to seeing her beloved friend. So this morning I phoned again. Someone answered but didn't say anything so I said "Hello?" twice, and I could hear general housey type sounds in the background. Then her aprtner's voice called out "It's your friend Rosey" and I heard the mum groan loudly and then the phone went dead .

So I have had to lie to dd and tell her that her friend is ill. She was really upset but I have managed to rustle up another friend (not from her school) whom we are meeting this afternoon. I am really grateful to my friend for being there at the last minute but also really with the boy's mum at messingm e around and making dd so upset.

This isn't normal behaviour, is it?

[savoycabbage]

No, but you don't know what has happened yet. It is strange though.

Have a nice day anyway.

[solidgoldbrass]

Erm, think for a minute before getting all irate. Add up the information you have: this mother was excited about the outing and doesn't usually let you down; she seems unhappy with her life; you find her partner 'odd' - and when you rang up you heard a groan and the phone went dead.

Now it's not a good idea to jump to any kind of conclusions, but something that did occur to me is: she is a DV victim and the reason she couldn't go out with you today is that her DP has given her two black eyes.
Either that or she has a horrendous stomach upset and the groaning was because she can't be more than two feet from a bucket...

[lazaroulovespastries]

Oh dear! Was it a 'oh no not her again' type groan, or a 'i'm in pain' type groan?

[Roseylea]

Solidgoldbrass, I wonder about her life with her partner too. He comes and goes a lot and her self-esteem seems pretty low. He (the partner) treats the boy realy imapatiently and tells him off in realy horrible ways for e.g. walking slowly on the way to school. He's not someone I'd want to get to know, tbh.

Is there anything I could / should do? Text her and say "Are you okay, I thought we were meeting up today?" or something like that?

[Roseylea]

Lazarou, it sounded like a "Oh no, not her" groan (!)

[PootyApplewater]

I'd phone back.
Say that you thought she'd have called you back first, as someone at her end put the phone down.

[nametaken]

yes, a text message might be welcome. I'd definately try to get the full story.

[lazaroulovespastries]

Don't know what to suggest. No doubt there is an explanation, maybe not what you are thinking.
I would wait for her to ring you back. I'm sure she will at some point.

[myalias]

Second what solidgoldbrass mentions. Reminds me about what happened with one of ds friends years ago. Ds friend would come to our house and the dad always insisted on coming to collect even though I would offer to drop him off. Even if my ds was going round his to play the dad would say he would collect my son and drop him off.
One day I waited for his friend to come round and after an hour I rang to see where he had got to. His mother answered the phone and said she was sorry that her partner beat her up the night before and she was in no fit state to come out of the house
I offered to look after both of the children so she could get some rest. The bastard had given her a black eye and broke her arm.

[Overmydeadbody]

Rosey, I agree with solidgoldbrass and myalias, don't assume your friend is messing you around and don't be furious with her until you know the full dtory. It soulds dodgy to me and you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Perhaps her dp doesn't aprove or like the friendship between you and her. The groan could have been caused by anything but is more ikely directed at her husband than at you.

[Blu]

The groan could have been anything, though. An 'oh no...I have double booked an appointment'...does her ds have lots of appointments? It can be a nightmare co-ordinating diaries whe a child has SN.

It does sound odd - but you sound as if you have pinned yours and you dd's entire lives on this woman - and that can be an obligation....

The partner did say 'your friend Rosy' which implies that she talks of you as her friend when she is at home.

[Freckle]

The groan could have been because she was going to have to let you down by not meeting today. The phone going dead could have been her partner deciding that she wasn't allowed to speak to you.

[Roseylea]

WEll I did phone back and left a message saying "Hi, hope you're okay, maybe we can meet up another day" and she texted back saying that her car had broken down. I'm not 100% convinced that is what was really going on but hey.

Blu, it's certainly not the case that I am pinning my whole life on her! It's just that dd really, really loves the boy and of all the friends we've met up with over the summer hols, he was The One she couldn't wait to see. So I really felt sorry for her. As it was we spent the afternoon round at a lovely friend's house and she had a great time.

Freckle I think you may be right. And yes Overmydeadbody, who knows what goes on behind closed doors?

[Blu]

Yes - it does all sound a bit odd. Doubtless things will tranpire.....

Glad you managed to arrange something.