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to think that people who don't approve of parents who put their children in childcare should not work in a nursery..

(139 Posts)
AtheneNoctua Mon 18-Aug-08 09:22:13

where parents are putting their kids into their care whilst they work. Are they not enabling the very system of which they so disapprove?

AS far as I know there is no scientific evidence that suggest parrent who work love their children less than parents who don't.

ilovemydog Mon 18-Aug-08 09:23:09

who is disapproving?

AtheneNoctua Mon 18-Aug-08 09:25:55

AIBU to think that once you have paid your childcare, its not really worth working.? Is it that you just don`t want to look after your own kid. prefering to stick them in daycare as soon as the shine wears off, it really bugs me!

mamabea Mon 18-Aug-08 09:32:12

do you know. I read those judgey threads so

often and would post but would rather not put

myself through sharing my personal

circumstances with posters who see things in

such a polarised way.

Really very blinkered.

shootfromthehip Mon 18-Aug-08 09:36:23

I love this thread! I totally agree that Nursery workers should agree with the principles that the Nursery is established for eg parents to work.

Also- I did some scientific research re aforementioned loving your kids less (I read the first thread started by a troll or maybe just an idiot), and whilst not necessarily externally valid, and the results were just astonishing. I discovered that No, parents who put their children into Nurserys do NOT love their children any less. shock

Also, read the 1st thread- some hysterical stuff about how to accomplish a shiney child.lol.

AtheneNoctua Mon 18-Aug-08 09:49:13

You know I wondered about that shiny baby thing. I don't actually remember mine coming out shiny. Do you think I should take them back and ask for a refund?

SlartyBartFast Mon 18-Aug-08 09:57:42

is this a thread about a thread? in which case i missed it..
or is there more?

AtheneNoctua Mon 18-Aug-08 10:05:44

Yes, this thread is a reaction to the one linked in the third post on this thread.

SlartyBartFast Mon 18-Aug-08 10:07:21

i think i just noticed it,
"kicking off" i think is the expression. i think i will pressure the ignore button

EffiePerine Mon 18-Aug-08 10:08:49

yes

surely not a good idea to despise the people you are working for?

don;t post on these threads any longer, am actually HAPPY with the decisions we've taken re: work and childcare (shock horror my DH, a man, is involved as well).

Then again, I'm not sure I approve of nurseries paying the minimum wage for suchg an important job - is it going to attract the kind of people you want to care for your child?

GreenMonkies Mon 18-Aug-08 10:10:06

no, YANBU

But, the OP in that thread does have the smallest of valid points.

As a mother who had to go back to work full time 6 months after having DD1, but also wanted to go back to work, just not full time, I can kinda see both sides of the fence.

When I was FT I felt like I was hardly seeing DD1, and I was exhausted from caring for her hideous night waking and still having to go to work and run around like a headless chicken all day. As such, I doubt I was the best parent I could've been due to sheer exhaustion. Once we could afford it (I was the main wage earner until DD1 was 18 months old) I reduced my hours down to 4 days a week, and I was less tired, and was able to spend really good quality time with her. When we had DD2 I returned to work 3 days a week, and I now feel I have a work/life balance. I can spend time with my children (who are very shiney still!!) and also be "me" at work, spending time with adults and being "not just a mother" for a while.

Everyone is happy.

However, as I used to go to the nursery at lunchtime to bf both DD's until they were past a year old, I spent 6 months sitting in the nursery for a good half an hour every day and observing what went on there. I also worked as a nanny when I first left school, so I have seen this from both sides of the fence. I was not a trained or qualified nanny, but I worked along side girls who were, and some of them were as thick as mince and so lacking in common sense that I would have never left them to care for a dog unsupervised, never mind a child! Just as in my current job I have worked along side nurses who were extraordinarily dim and lacked all compassion or people skills. (because there are good and bad people in every area of work)

What I have observed in the nursery that my DD's went/go to is that the seriously daft/useless ones don't stay long. There are (to generalise hugely) definately two kinds of staff there. The very young girls straight out of college who are all theory and training, but no real life experience, who see only the "cute" side of babies/small children. They do things by the book, and see things through idealogical rose-tinted glasses. Then there are the older nursery nurses, women who are mothers, who understand what it's like to have children. They are less likely to try to pull a crying child away from it's mother, and do the job from a vocational point of view rather than as a job, if you see what I mean. They "mother" the babies/children, they don't just play with/care for them.

Whilst I have been in the nursery I have seen babies that were crying lustily beeing put down in a cot and jiggled until they gave up and went to sleep. Something I consider to be one step away from leaving them to cry it out. But this is done on the instructions of the parents. I have also watched them gentley rock a baby to sleep in thier arms and then sit down with the sleeping baby on thier lap and do some paperwork etc because the parent has asked the baby to be treated this way. They loved it when I asked for this to be done with my girls, they love rocking them to sleep and holding them as they slept, most of them are upset by having to effectively ignore a tired crying baby.

If I'm honest I am judgemental about parents who treat/ask staff to treat thier babies that way, why shouldn't the nursery nurses be? There are also babies/children who are at the nursery before I drop mine off, and still there when I collect mine. It's such a long day for little ones, DD1 used to be shattered by Friday when she was at nursery 5 days a week, and that was only 8.30-5.

It doesn't matter how we shake it, the truth is that there are parents who barely see thier children, who seem to not even want to spend time with thier children, and who seem to want to go back to thier old life and not change anything to accomodate the needs of thier baby. I know a lady who put her DC in it's own room from birth, rarely picked her DC up (would often feed the baby whilst it sat in the bouncer chair) and who went on a "girly holiday" when her DC was about 18 weeks because she "needed a break". This child is now two and she's just had DC2. She's my friend, I really like her, but I do wonder why she had these children.

I know the OP on that thread was a Troll, but I do know that there are people who think like that. And in some cases they are justified, but for every one of those parents who dumps thier child in nursery so they can go back to thier exciting fabulously paid job, there are about 50 who have to go back to work and hate leaving their children in daycare. It was on behalf of those mums that I was angry (as I am one of them in a way) and felt that the OP was really nasty and hurtful.

I love a good Troll thread, they can be hilarious, but that one was just viscious.

AtheneNoctua Mon 18-Aug-08 10:12:47

Oh yes, I did notice that the OP only mentioned mothers returning to work. Apparently she is a little Victorian in her (mis)conceptions of today's parenting world.

AbbeyA Mon 18-Aug-08 10:16:42

I didn't read the troll thread, I saw it was a troll from the title and avoided it. A lot of parents have to use nurseries, I count myself lucky that I was able to stay at home, but I might very easily have had to have childcare. Anyone who works with children is going to find some parents that they disapprove of, it is part of the job and shouldn't affect the relationship with the child.

EffiePerine Mon 18-Aug-08 10:20:23

I am amused at the idea that a woman's only priority is 24-hour childcare as soon as she has a baby. The man's (obviously) is to be the Provider, presumably by going out and clubbing seals or whatever and dragging the carcases home.

The when the man has a mid-life crisis and buggers off at 40 or 50-odd and the woman is left with no pension, no income and no independence she can then go off to a lonely hillside and starve to death having raised her brood.

DillyTanty Mon 18-Aug-08 10:21:57

i know that she was a troll, but personally i did agree with her that leaving a child in a care situation from 7-6 every day is, well... unpleasant for everyone concerned. there is a point, surely, where something has to give.

oh, and dd loves her nursery, i've no qualms about her going, she races in. smile but i'm inclined to agree with greenmonkies on this.

JudgeNutmeg Mon 18-Aug-08 10:25:46

I go to college on the same day as the Nursery Nurse course and we share a computer suite. Frankly, I find the more brash and vocal trainee Nursery nurses rather scary. Hopefully, they will either never be employed with small children or they will quickly realise that it needs to be a vocation.

I have seen a milder form of judgement on my Degree course too which is a bit bewildering really considering a lot of us have children who aren't actually sitting on our laps whilst we attend lectures. hmm

TheHedgeWitch Mon 18-Aug-08 10:50:22

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TheHedgeWitch Mon 18-Aug-08 10:50:56

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AtheneNoctua Mon 18-Aug-08 10:55:21

HedgeWitch, you seem to be implying that children who go to work don't miss their children while they are apart.

I'd like to work full time and spend more time with my kids. Unfortunately, there are only 24 hours in the day so a choice must be made for the benefit -- and not inspite of -- the children.

Starting a thread criticising working parents is much different from quietly holding a belief that staying home with your own children is your preference. The former is perfectly acceptable. The latter is not. The OP is a jerk not fir holding her vierws, but for airing them in such an aggressive manner.

DillyTanty Mon 18-Aug-08 11:00:08

i don't think that hedgewitch is implying that, tbh, assuming you meant parents rather than children. quite the opposite, she seemed to me to be saying that spending time with these lovely children they can't help but wonder why the parents wouldn't move heaven and earth to change the situation. and if we're talking 7-6 5 days a week, tbh so would i.

TheHedgeWitch Mon 18-Aug-08 11:04:20

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TheHedgeWitch Mon 18-Aug-08 11:05:46

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findtheriver Mon 18-Aug-08 11:19:39

I definitely agree that anyone who starts a thread like the one referred to here should not be working in childcare. I certainly wouldnt want anyone so narrowminded and stupid caring for my kids.
But like most others, I'm convinced it was a troll - in fact I reckon it''s a bored housewife who probably wishes she had a nursery job, so she kind of defeats her own argument!!

jellybeans Mon 18-Aug-08 11:23:58

I think, as long as they do a good job, that is all that matters. Lots of people think differently to the clients/service users but they still do their job in a non judgemental way. AND lots of childcare workers work in nurseries with their own kids in or childmind to be able to look after their kids BECAUSE they feel SAH is best. But as long as they look after the kids, it's irrelevant.

squiffy Mon 18-Aug-08 12:57:01

Look.

If we didn't put our babes in kiddie kennels then:-

1) What would the judges and prison officers do? There'd bo no neglected disfunctional kids growing up into knife-wielding gang-member immigrants for them to bang to rights?
2) Where on earth would the Vicky Pollards get their jobs, if not at the festering flea-pit we call creche?
3) How on earth are the masseurs and boutiques hotels and gyms going to survive without our constant patronage?
4) And those poor gals who give me acryllic nails - how will the survive once the rigours of nappy-changing my offspring cause me to ditch the falsies?
5) Poor DH - how will he cope with only misogynist macho blokes in the workplace and no fragrant working mums to sooth his furrowed brow and go get him his latte, before picking up his dry cleaning and typing his ittle wittle letters for him (this being our primary role as working mums, surely..)?

Gives me a headache just thinking about it all, poppets. Good job I only have myself to think about and not those pesky little pups I pushed out in the delivery suite (well actually, you can skip the pushed bit - far to posh for that obviously)

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