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to be offended & upset by...

(18 Posts)
SpinMeRightRound Sun 17-Aug-08 13:28:59

dh asking if I'll still be here when he gets back? as in will I have packed my bags and gone!
Yes he asked in all seriousness.
I've had a very rough week with the childrens behaviour, another topic, but today I'd had enough and left dh to look after them otherwise I'd have lost my temper with them. I went upstarirs to read my book.

After dinner dh has come upstairs to say he's taking them out for the afternoon so that I can have some peace. Lovely of him and I'm very appreciative for it but then he asked me that in all seriousness.

And now he's gone off in a humph, having no idea how that has offended & upset me.

Am I wrong to be upset by that?

CoteDAzur Sun 17-Aug-08 13:30:21

Maybe he thought you could be out for a walk?

JonahTakalua Sun 17-Aug-08 13:31:39

maybe it was his way of trying to start a conversation about how you are feeling?

SpinMeRightRound Sun 17-Aug-08 13:37:37

no he definately didn't mean out for a walk!
he meant packing by bags and leaving...!

He knows that my only stress at the moment is the childrens behaviour everything between us is fine, we even have a romantic break booked for next weekend.

I am really upset by the fact he thought that I could do such a thing. We've been through the normal trials of family life, a lot worse than the kids playing up and I didn't leave then so why would I now?

silvercrown Sun 17-Aug-08 15:28:01

Depends on his tone of voice - was he sarky or nasty or genuinely concerned?? If genuinely concerned then I'd appreciate it and do something nice in return for him (cook a nice meal or order a take away and get out the wine and have the kids in bed early). If he was being nasty then leave him to do everything when he gets back so he knows what life would be like for him if you did pack your bags and leave.

ThatBigGermanPrison Sun 17-Aug-08 15:29:54

He sounds concerned and loving and in this context I would forgive him (Taking the kids out would have swung it for me)

hercules1 Sun 17-Aug-08 15:30:21

I'd have been peeved. You're entitled to get stressed without it meaning you're leaving. I wouldnt make a big deal of it though.

barnsleybelle Sun 17-Aug-08 15:34:37

I think it's just his way of checking how you are. Bless him, he's done what he thinks is best to give you some time and then goes and says the wrong thing..

You obviously didn't tell him it had upset you as you said he left not knowing what was wrong.

Just reassure him that although you sometimes have bad days/weeks and appreciate his support you have no plans to ever leave them.

maybe he was genuinely scared... they have feelings too...

collision Sun 17-Aug-08 15:36:43

I think you are over reacting tbh.

You have had a tough week and he is doing something nice for you so take it as that.

SpinMeRightRound Sun 17-Aug-08 15:52:47

Thanks, I know he meant well but it really hurt.

I've had time to calm down now, so will try and explain ti him why it hurt me so much when he gets back.
We're supposed to be going out tonight to a friends bbq so better clear the air before then.

moondog Sun 17-Aug-08 16:17:57

Simmer down. He sounds like a good bloke.

pamelat Sun 17-Aug-08 19:28:33

I think that he is probably trying to make light of a situation that he finds difficult?

He sounds like a nice guy.

In fact (me, me, me!) my DH sounds similar and I was out on a hen do last night and got home to a DD who was up from 2am crying until about 6am and DH dealt with most of it (I had had a lot of wine!). This morning he then took her for a walk whilst i had a lie in, rang him and told him just how much I loved and appreciated him. I think with the nice guys wink its easy to take them for granted.

My DH would always joke to make light of things, as far as 'faults' go, its no bad thing.

CoteDAzur Sun 17-Aug-08 20:22:50

Is it at all possible that he was genuinely worried that you would take off? Scared to lose you? That is not really a bad thing.

SpinMeRightRound Mon 18-Aug-08 08:58:18

He is a good bloke and I know he meant well.
I know he gets stressed when he knows that I'm stressed and I think thats why he said it. But when we got home from the bbq he apologised for saying it and said it was a stupid thing to say. Needless to say I apologised for snapping back at him.

I know I overeacted but things sound worse when you're already stressed out. I'll make it up to him on our weekend away next week wink wink

rolledhedgehog Mon 18-Aug-08 09:13:20

I wonder if he had a mother who threatened to 'leave home' when he was naughty?

SpinMeRightRound Mon 18-Aug-08 11:56:41

Actually thats a good point, she used to lock herself in the bathroom threatening to take a bottle pills.

I never thought of that before.

rolledhedgehog Mon 18-Aug-08 17:39:36

I think these things can be deeply rooted without us even realising it. My mum used to to open the front door and make to leave but your DH's mum took that a step further!!

Maybe deep down he has a fear of children driving mum up wall=abandonment feelings from mother.

mm22bys Mon 18-Aug-08 17:43:50

I agree with the others, it was probably just his way of showing that he knows it's been a tough time for you. Sure you've been through worse, but there's always the straw that breaks the camel's back isn't there?

I am really envious of you getting to go away for a romantic break. He can't be all bad....

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