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To be angry at MIL.............

(59 Posts)
jellybelly2007 Fri 15-Aug-08 15:59:44

For saying, 'we'll see' when DS1 rang her to invite her to his birthday tea next tuesday as...............she has a bad leg?

Fair enough, she did have polio as a child, and needs an orthapedic shoe and caliper, but FFS, she only has to walk to the car in her driveway, then down our path (aided with stick and FIL) to get here. (FIL drives)

Its not like I'm asking her to join in the bloody conga!

Also, would I BU if I said, 'fair enough, dont come, but you wont be invited to DS2s 1st birthday next month?

All DS1 wants for his birthday tea, is his family to come and have some sarnies and cake.
BTW he will be 11.

hercules1 Fri 15-Aug-08 16:02:17

You are bu. I expect if she's in pain one of the last things she wants to do is go to a childrens party.

beanieb Fri 15-Aug-08 16:03:40


We'll see is like saying Maybe. She isn't sure if she can come.

mumto2andnomore Fri 15-Aug-08 16:04:31

She might be in a lot of pain and even walking that short distance could be too much for her.
Sounds like you have other issues or I dont think you would be being so harsh on the poor woman.

juuule Fri 15-Aug-08 16:08:16

YABU. Have some compassion. As others have said she might be in a lot of pain.

Why not suggest that your ds1 goes round to their house and have the party tea there. Although if she's feeling a bit fragile she might not feel up to that either.

As for retaliating with the lack of invite to your ds2 birthdayhmm - don't be so petty.

OrmIrian Fri 15-Aug-08 16:08:33

My parents have hardly ever been to my DC's parties. In fact only once out of 20 odd parties so far. Most elderly people's idea of hell on earth - noisy, tiring and chaotic. Let's face it, most adults don't enjoy them that much. They come for a slice of cake and the ceremonial opening of pressies on the day itself but not the party. If she is in pain as well there is even more excuse.

lollipopmother Fri 15-Aug-08 16:13:18

Why would holding her ransom over DS2s birthday have any effect anyway, I don't expect she'll want to go to that one either will she? hmm

more Fri 15-Aug-08 16:22:51

Have you ever suffered from what she is suffering? Unless you have then you can't say whether she is in pain or not, or indeed how she might feel in general. She could have probably phrased it better but I don't think she was in any way rude.
Just phone the night before and ask whether she will be joining you or if it will just be grandad coming.

Dropdeadfred Fri 15-Aug-08 16:23:46'd tell her to stay away from the other bday party is she doesn't come to this one??!?!?!? shock

Instead of seething why not ring and kindly ask her how she is and if she thinks she will be up to coming to the party?

MadameCastafiore Fri 15-Aug-08 16:24:41

YABU - I hope she does come though and hits you with one of her sticks!

blueskythinker Fri 15-Aug-08 16:49:54

My Mum is really sufering from pain at the moment - just walking from the front door to the car makes her vomit.

If your MIL is a lot of pain, remember it is not just getting there - she will have to wash / dress etc - not an everyday occurrence for some people if they are in such pain.

Janni Fri 15-Aug-08 17:31:27


'Fair enough she did have polio as a child' - give the poor woman a break!

You'd be full of sympathy if she didn't come with the dreaded MIL tag.

SpookyMadMummy Fri 15-Aug-08 17:39:52

Don't be so petty as to not invite her for tit for tat.

As far as her illness goes, she must have good days and bad. Leg callipers must cause her some pain! Sometimes even getting in and out of a car can be difficult for people who have prolonged pain. YABU.

Weegle Fri 15-Aug-08 17:44:25

I've been in so much pain before now that I passed out between the front door and the car - pretty scary. Perhaps she's aware of her limitations and therefore will make a decision appropriate to how she feels on the day. YABU.

notcitrus Fri 15-Aug-08 18:05:21

Unless there's some huge history with your MIL you aren't telling us, YABU and to the second one, YAB totally U!

She sounds like she's hoping to make it but doesn't want to get DS1's hopes up in case she's not well enough on the day.

mumeeee Fri 15-Aug-08 18:11:15

I agree with everyone. YABU and she might be in pain.

Janni Fri 15-Aug-08 18:17:18

I'm almost wondering whether this isn't a rather clever wind-up thread??

Minkychunky Fri 15-Aug-08 18:20:45

Polio is that all? God she is a wimpy bleeder isn't she. It's the end of civilisation as we know it- we'll be drinking stale old donkey peepee from rusty hub caps soon I tell you all.

Bless the old people.


herbietea Fri 15-Aug-08 18:25:27

Message withdrawn

RubySlippers Fri 15-Aug-08 18:30:51


i hope it is a wind up

because I would be horrified if someone was so lacking in compassion for someone who has a chronic, painful condition

and who would then deny a grandmother seeing her other grandson at his party

G2B Fri 15-Aug-08 18:44:04

I think maybe you could take the kids to her for an hour before hand so that she gets to see him without hurting herself, and he gets to see her so he won't be upset. You could maybe take his birthdy cake and do that bit there so she doesn't miss out.

You could do the same with your other DC so that it's fair.

pamelat Fri 15-Aug-08 19:35:31

I think it would be unreasonable to not let her to come to the 1st bday party but I suspect that you have only said that flippantly?

I don't think its unreasonable (sorry everyone else!) to expect her to come to the 12th bday party. I am very sorry that she is in pain but I cant see that coming would make it worse - maybe she could not stay as long or at least have offered to have a separate bday celebration alone with DS1.
With a 1 year old sibling he may be feeling in need of more grand parent attn anyway? Who knows - can only offer how I would feel.
If she were in hospital or unable to function in day to day life (like my grandma at the moment) then thats different but my very poorly nana would still offer to celebrate my bday separately with me (and I'm 30!)x

fledtoscotland Fri 15-Aug-08 19:39:36

going against what everyone else has said, YANBU. she shouldnt have said that to DS. if she wasnt sure she should just say that she would love to but it will depend on how sore she is on the day.

at 11 he will understand that she isnt well!

juuule Fri 15-Aug-08 19:40:14

Pamelat "I am very sorry that she is in pain but I cant see that coming would make it worse"

How could you possibly know how bad the pain is, whether it would be made worse and how difficult she finds it to deal with? Surely only she could be the judge of that.

juuule Fri 15-Aug-08 19:42:40

FledtoScotland Isn't that what the "We'll see" meant? As you say if the 11yo understands that she's having trouble with her leg then he probably understood that she would come if she felt able.

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