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Can someone tell me where I went wrong?

(31 Posts)
ShyBaby Wed 13-Aug-08 17:08:38

I was trying to make some arrangements for ds's birthday and it turned out that 3 of his friends are on day trips that day. Rather than have 3 tired/grumpy children who have been dragged there by their mothers not wanting to let us down, I asked him if it would be ok if we moved his barbecue to the next day. He was ok with that when I said for his actual birthday he'll have all his presents to open then we'll just go out for a pub lunch (ds, dd my mum and myself), its not that it was to be some kind of intimate family meal, just that im a single parent so there wasn't really anyone else to invite!

So I was telling my close friend about the new arrangements and she said she would come to the meal too (its two of her kids that will be going on the day trip so she's child free all day). Lovely I thought.

Next time I saw mum I told her what was happening and about the lunch and she was eager to go until I said "xxxx is coming too so it should be nice". "Oh well im not coming if she's going to be there" she announces, looking at me in disgust. She's never had any problem with my friend. I've never even had any bad words with my friend or had anything happen that could make my mum dislike her. Mum is normally quite vocal about people she dislikes and she's never said a word about this friend so im unsure what happened. My friend is the kind of person who gets on with everyone and our kids are really close.

I asked what the problem was and she said "oh im not coming out with you and your friends, I wasn't bothered about going anyway". I could understand if I was a teenager going to a nightclub but it was just going to be a nice meal!

Im hurt by her attitude and I dont see the problem. When my friend and I take our kids out, quite often her mum is with us, other friends and their various members of family with their own kids.

So now, nan wont be there for ds's birthday lunch because I can hardly tell my friend she cant go.

MyCatHasFleas Wed 13-Aug-08 17:10:39

Is your mum jealous?!

IMO you did nothing wrong - concentrate on your ds and his birthday.

Overmydeadbody Wed 13-Aug-08 17:11:35

your mother is beign very unreasonable and, quite frankly, acting like an imature teenager.

I'd be pissed off too. It's her GS's birhtday for god's sake!

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Wed 13-Aug-08 17:11:57

maybe your mum feels that she would be left out if your friend was there? she might feel let down as she thought it would be a nice family day.

my mum was very young when she had me so we are like best friends and i know i could take her out with my friends and she would fit in and have a laugh with the girls so to speak but my friends mums who are older would be a bit like a spare part iyswim?

MrsMattie Wed 13-Aug-08 17:12:04

Your mum's attitude is really nasty and hurtful. is she usually like this?

CuckooClockWorkOrange Wed 13-Aug-08 17:12:13

If it were your MUM's bd lunch then it would be all her friends, and it would all revolve around her and she'd be the common link.

BUT THIS is her grandson's bd lunch! Just go and try to enjoy it, despite knowing that your Mum is in a bit of a strop.

babyOcho Wed 13-Aug-08 17:12:43

I'm really confused as to why your Mum no longer wants to go.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Wed 13-Aug-08 17:14:54

it isnt very nice of her though, i have a friend my mum hates with a passion but she will tolerate her for my sake and my dd and my friends dd are friends so they are always at each others parties and my mum never acts the way your mum has. she has always came to dds parties despite the fact that she knows she will be there.

even if she does think she will be left out she is being very spitefull and childish but perhaps reassurances from you that this wont be the case will be enough to placte her?

Dalrymps Wed 13-Aug-08 17:15:03

She is being silly and immature. She probably feels that her nose will be pushed out and she will be the 'gooseberry'.
If it really matters to you to have her at the meal just tell her you really want her there and so does ds to make his day special.
If she still doesn't want to go after that then just ignore her and concentrate on making it nice for ds.

ShyBaby Wed 13-Aug-08 17:16:49

I'd like to believe that seashells but mum doesn't really do family days.

Im more confused than anything by her attitude.

ShyBaby Wed 13-Aug-08 17:20:13

The thing is too, my friend and I are both in our 30's...its not like we will be sitting there giggling over boys with a bacardi breezer making mum feel old! (and mum is hardly a fragile little old lady type anyway).

littlelapin Wed 13-Aug-08 17:20:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zippitippitoes Wed 13-Aug-08 17:23:08

how odd

i would be delighted to be invited with dds friends there too rather than consigned to the background/kept out of the way

captinmack Wed 13-Aug-08 17:25:36

[wink[ hi all new at this

littlelapin Wed 13-Aug-08 17:25:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShyBaby Wed 13-Aug-08 17:31:17

lol littlelapin!

Starting to feel a bit rubbish about the whole thing now really. Im always upsetting someone!

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Wed 13-Aug-08 17:32:55

is it jelousy? does she think your ds may prefer your friend to her? or talk to her/play with her more?

littlelapin Wed 13-Aug-08 17:34:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShyBaby Wed 13-Aug-08 17:37:38

Well no I dont think so. I dont see my friend all the time and ds will be 11 anyway so past the cuddly stage! We dont sort of live in each other's pockets or anything like that.

Mum however, sees my kids every day so I cant imagine how she would be jealous?

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Wed 13-Aug-08 17:38:55

agree with lapin then she must have gone bonkers just ignore. or maybe jelous of you and your friend?

try asking what her problem is maybe?

ShyBaby Wed 13-Aug-08 17:42:09

I think that's another reason why I thought it would be nice because as close as we all are, I dont get to see my friend often although we talk on the phone most nights. Im at work in the day and we both have other things going on at weekends, dont live near to each other etc. Its normally once every two months or so we see each other/kids etc.

ShyBaby Wed 13-Aug-08 17:44:08

I did ask seashells and that was her answer:

"oh im not coming out with you and your friends, I wasn't bothered about going anyway".

Im none the wiser! hmm sad

littlelapin Wed 13-Aug-08 17:45:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlelapin Wed 13-Aug-08 17:46:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShyBaby Wed 13-Aug-08 17:48:38

I can almost hear the growls looking at that grin

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