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To want to shake dh?

(12 Posts)
WallOfSilence Mon 11-Aug-08 22:26:57

I'll try & keep it short.

Dh & his dad worked together in the building trade.

We all know it's going down the swanny so dh jumped ship & got himself employment elsewhere (he was self employed & his dad started off as an employee & when he saw that he could get half the cash instead of a wage he became self employed).

Anyway, as I said, dh left, but his dad continued in the trade. I have to point out here that when they got contracts it was dh who looked for them chased them & finally bagged them, he was in the trade before his dad was & had got a good reputation solely on his work carried out & by word of mouth, he never had to advertise.

So now dh has left just over 6 months & he still has people calling him to do small jobs. He can fit them in in the evenings & weekends and it's good to have a wee bit of extra cash (just a wee bit by the time he's paid tax etc but it's still extra).

Now his dad is running short of work & my darling husband wants to give his dad the work he has lined up for the next 4 weekends... saying he feels bad that he has plenty of work & his dad has none.. I understand where he is coming from & think he's very kind, but I also think that if his dad was that worried he would get off his ass & look for the work the way dh had to do when it was his only income, not sit at home & watch TV like his dad has been doing for almost 2 weeks now.

I also told dh that people called him & asked him to do the jobs, if they wanted his dad they would've asked his dad!!

We sort of had a bit of a row as I said he shouldn't hand the jobs over to his dad. he should think of himself, as when he changed jobs he took a big loss per week to have a steady income, instead of reasonable amounts every few months & not knowing where the next cheque was coming from. I even got a job too (previously I had been a SAHM for 6 years)

Do I sound unreasonable wanting dh to hold on to the work that people have specifically asked him to do? Or should he give his dad the work so he will have something to do & won't have to go looking for it?

VeniVidiVickiQV Mon 11-Aug-08 22:29:40

Have you thought prehaps that your DH doesnt actually want to work evenings and weekends anymore?

Ultimately, it's your DH's call. I think it's lovely he's handing it over to your dad.

KatieDD Mon 11-Aug-08 22:32:34

Hmmm I can see both sides but if I called John Smith to build my extension then it's John Smith I want.

Hecate Mon 11-Aug-08 22:33:23

Well, he has no right to tell people who is going to do the work. They came to HIM, they want HIM, how does he have the right to say this work will be done by X instead? Maybe they won't want that. He can't TELL them this is going to happen. That's crazy! All he can do, if he wants, is to say I do not have time, but I can recommend X instead. They can then choose to find someone else entirely, can't they?

If he takes on the work and lets his dad do it, he's still liable, cos their contract will be with him, surely? He'll just be subcontracting?

lilymolly Mon 11-Aug-08 22:34:06

DH call imho.

My do is in building trade and often gets "cash" jobs to do on a weekend, but tbh he would rather be with us

hmm or at least thats what I think wink

lilymolly Mon 11-Aug-08 22:35:44

As regards to who does the work

It is very common in the building trade to pass on work if you dont have time to do it yourself DP does this all the time- its still his reputation on the line, hence why he only recommends reputable tradesman

thumbwitch Mon 11-Aug-08 22:36:04

WOS - no, YANBU wrt the people who have asked for your DH - obviously they value his work etc. and want him to do it; and if he doesn't want to do the jobs, he should have told the people who rang that he couldn't manage it, but he would recommend his dad.

I think it would be poor form to just hand the jobs over to his dad without checking with the clients first. It is kind of him to think of his dad and maybe his dad should be more proactive, but some people just aren't. If you are not short of the money yourselves, and the clients don't mind, then why not let his dad do the work? But he really should ask the clients if they mind or his reputation will soon go downhill.

BEAUTlFUL Mon 11-Aug-08 22:42:31

This makes me feel a bit sad. sad This bit:

"not sit at home & watch TV like his dad has been doing for almost 2 weeks now."

Awww. How old is his Dad? Perhaps he's just tired and old. Love 'im.

WallOfSilence Mon 11-Aug-08 22:42:43

VVV he has always worked weekends & evenings, even if it isn't paid work, it's the way he is Anyway, he works night shifts quite often in his new job, though it's only a few hours instead of the usual 8, so he can come hom at about 4am, sleep until lunch time & then work until 8pm.. it's what he usually does when night shifts, it's also what has paid for our holiday this year.

I don't mind, I'm used to it!

He can subcontract if he wants, but the point of it it, these people had his dad's number too, if it was his dad they wanted, it would've been easy to call him.

He said he doesn't want to give the work up, but his dad seemed annoyed that dh had extra work to do when he had none So I think it's partly guilt that makes dh want to hand some of it over.

WallOfSilence Mon 11-Aug-08 22:46:35

His dad is 63 and due to retire in 2 years. His mum seems to think he's enjoying the bit of rest & that dh has picked it up wrong.

I asked her today if he was still short of work & she said he had a house due to start in a weeks time but for now he was enjoying the rest.

I told dh this & he said he knew his dad hated being at home & he had just had a call from someone wanting him to build a wall but if his dad wanted to do it he would give it to him. I do see what he means & think it's great that he cares so much, but I just saw what pressure he was under before looking for big jobs for all the squad and even now that he's in a different job it seems he's still trying to keep others in work.

WallOfSilence Mon 11-Aug-08 22:49:24

Thumbwitch, we're not short of money, but we're not rolling in it either. As I said, dh took a pay cut in this new job, I had to get a job, we've about £100 a week to play with at the minute but we've a house sitting half finished.

The extra money would be handy (which is why dh does it) and I also take on a bit of freelance work in the evenings (Prays her employers don't see this as it's 'against the rules') wink

thumbwitch Mon 11-Aug-08 22:59:29

your DH is obviously a caring sort and it is great that he is looking out for his dad but perhaps his mum is concerned too (about the amount his dad is doing).

I think that perhaps your DH should do the jobs he has already agreed to do and then for future, ask the clients if his Dad would do just as well, and give them his Dad's number (again if necessary). Then they can phone his Dad direct and he can make his own choices in the matter. And so can the clients.

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