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just for fun..i shall ask..should my bf invite me if he has a bbq at his house for his friends

(49 Posts)
zippitippitoes Mon 11-Aug-08 13:55:52

....he has just been to a festival weekend with friends and i hinted that i wanted to go but no was for his friends from work he went with last year

fair enough

excpet that when we were chatting about it aftyer he did say that some others had gone because they were friends of theirs

anyway as that was fun they decided to have a bbq which he is going to have

so wjhen we were discussing the next few weekends and seeing each other he mentioned said bbq in a well i wont be able to see you then way

so when were together this wekend i said

i think if you have a party or a bbq that you should invite me

he said well they are friends from work

and so i said well i am a friend of someone at your work arent i

and he said i guess so

and he said well maybe he might get drunk

Iklboo Mon 11-Aug-08 14:01:17

And.....maybe there's someone in his gang he doesn't want you to meet?

fishie Mon 11-Aug-08 14:03:40

what is his work?

do you meet his friends who are not from work?

zippitippitoes Mon 11-Aug-08 14:07:14

i havent met any of his friends except

well i have briefly met several of them on one occasion the same people

which was his work summer ball

and the two guys he house shares with as i stay there regularly

hertsnessex Mon 11-Aug-08 14:08:45

its a bit strange. how long have you been dating?

beanieb Mon 11-Aug-08 14:09:00

What did he mean by "and he said well maybe he might get drunk "?

NorbertDentressangle Mon 11-Aug-08 14:10:35

Will it be a mixed group at the BBQ or just blokes?

zippitippitoes Mon 11-Aug-08 14:15:08

for about 9 or 10 months since before xmas

mixed

well i think the he might get drunk thing was an excuse really

he fels awkward about me i think

tho im not sure he will admit that is the reason smile

maybe its always awkward introducing someone to friends

tostaky Mon 11-Aug-08 14:18:35

sounds fishy to me...

beanieb Mon 11-Aug-08 14:19:00

is there anything he might get up to which you would be unhappy about? Something he might want to keep from you? and I dn't mean an affair or other women, just drink, drugs etc?

VictorianSqualor Mon 11-Aug-08 14:25:40

I'd expect to be invited too tbh.
Maybe it's one of those weirdo male things were they think introducing you to family and friends makes it more serious and scary.

Heifer Mon 11-Aug-08 14:29:28

Are you thinking it may be because of your age difference?...

zippitippitoes Mon 11-Aug-08 14:39:27

i cant decide if it is age difference but yes i think so

or he just wants friends and me separate

he says its because it sjust friends from work

but im sure in fact that if they said could they bring someone he would say yes

and at least one or two of them are not from work

or not from work now theyve left

i have made a joke of it but i have also put him on the spot

as he does quite a lot of stuff with them and some are couples

Cammelia Mon 11-Aug-08 14:46:45

YANBU

I would be very unhappy in these circs

hertsnessex Mon 11-Aug-08 14:48:20

it is strange.

beanieb Mon 11-Aug-08 14:49:52

I dunno - sometimes a work thing is a work thing... I wouldn't be too suspicious about it if I were you., People do like to keep their work life and home life separate sometimes.

more Mon 11-Aug-08 14:51:54

He should not even have to think about inviting you to the bbq.

For what it is worth, I also think he should have "let" you go to the Festival.

more Mon 11-Aug-08 14:53:11

Either he is happy to be your boyfriend or he aint. This is a friends from work thing, it is not a work thing, if I have understood it correctly, and hopefully you will understand what I mean grin.

zippitippitoes Mon 11-Aug-08 14:54:39

im not suspicious

just feel that i should be invited if he is having a party himself

if i am ok to go out with him and spend a lot of time with then i must be ok to meet them

or if im not anbd he is afraid of being made fun of then he needs to work that out really..i dont think that would happen

i can see he wouldnt necessarily be keen for me to his parents (but then im not really either!)

zippitippitoes Mon 11-Aug-08 14:56:07

more thats exactly what i think

eihter he is happy or he isnt

and i have every reason to think he is very happy

i know he doesnt want them to know we met online dating

mayorquimby Mon 11-Aug-08 14:57:39

maybe he just wants to have a bbq with his mates and not have to worry about looking after you because you don't know anyone there.
or maybe he just wants to have a laugh with his mates for the night.

nothing wrong with bf/gf's doing things on their own with their mates imho.

solidgoldbrass Mon 11-Aug-08 15:00:58

It sounds like he doesn't think the relatinship between you is particularly serious. Have you told him that you want it to be serious? (DO you, in fact, want it to be serious?) Have you listened to what he said (it's easy to only hear what you want to hear and it's also the soft option to tell a partner what you think they want to hear). Have you actually discussed sexual exclusivity?

Because his behaviour is that of a man who likes you, thinks well of you, enjoys your company, but doesn't see you as a 'partner', maybe doesn't really want a 'partner'. That doesn't make him a bad person but the two of you need perhaps to be clear with each other about what you want and if you want very different things it might be time to call it quits.

zippitippitoes Mon 11-Aug-08 15:05:49

oh yes we are sexually exclusive and have been for some time

i dont think that is part of it

i dont know if its normal to have things like this and not ask your gf to them

i would have thought that after a while you would even tho its a bit of an effort the first time admittedly

mayorquimby Mon 11-Aug-08 15:19:43

i'm not saying that you should never be invited and if this was constantly the case it would be quite odd.
i would have expected you to have met his friends on nights out or at some parties, but only you can be the judge of why you have not met them in the long run.
i was just offering my take on wether or not a gf should automatically be invited to a bbq with his mates.
i'll quite often have bbq's with just my friends that my gf won't come to or i will hint at the fact i'd rather she didn't attend. e.g. say something along the lines of "well i'm going to xxx bbq on saturday so i could see you sunday".
and at the end of this month i'm going to a music festival with all my friends but. without her.

this has nothing to do with being embarressed by her as she has met them on countless occassions and knows them well at this stage. it simply has to do with me being able to have a laugh with my friends and not have to worry about wether or not she is having a good time/am i spending enough time talking to her/is she getting on with everyone etc.

once again as i said at the start only you can judge in the long run if he is doing this kind of thing constantly is it acceptable. but imho there is nothing wrong with not inviting your other half to certian events/parties because you want to have fun with your friends on your own.

zippitippitoes Mon 11-Aug-08 15:23:57

i can see why he wouldnt ask me

but on the other hand i can also see why i might think now he would

or obviously i will never meet them

ive never been in this position before so its new to me

as in i have been married or living with a partner not a girlfriend

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