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to tell my 5 year old that the much bigger child who kicked him in the stomach will be going to borstal in a few years?

(83 Posts)
ThatBigGermanPrison Mon 11-Aug-08 00:29:37

And that he, Ds1, will be going to lovely university, and not naughty boy prison becausehe is a good boy?

The older, thank-god-I-did-not-see-him-as-I-would-have-flayed-him- boy didn't hear this. Ds1 did, and was much comforted by this idea, that horrible bullies get a comeuppance and good boys go to a lovely place where everyone has fun and learns.... was this a bad idea? In hindsight, it's a bit close to gloating, but he was sobbing and holding his tummy.sad

cornsilk Mon 11-Aug-08 00:30:32

Poor thing. What happened then? How old was the big boy?

ThatBigGermanPrison Mon 11-Aug-08 00:37:47

I don't know, I deliberately didn't look for him. We were in a soft play place. I didn't trust myself, honestly.

Then a LOVELY little girl of about the same age as Ds1 came and dragged him off my knee, and in a voice so very much like The Little Princess it made me smile, said "come on, we won't let 'im play Kung Fu Panda Pirates, 'e's 'orrible. Anyway, my mum's a really good doctor, she'll doctor your belly with a Polo, come wi' me!"

And off they went! Lovely, I wanted to secrete her in my handbag and take her home.

cornsilk Mon 11-Aug-08 00:40:11

Bless! It's heartbreaking when they get hurt like that.

nametaken Mon 11-Aug-08 00:45:17

No, YANBU - that's exactly the sort of comment I make.

Because, sadly, it's true.

I'm of the firm opinion that our childrens lives are pretty much mapped out and determined by their parents.

solo Mon 11-Aug-08 00:48:33

Nope! not unreasonable at all...I'm always saying things like 'He's a future customer of mine' to my Ds when he gets bullied and picked on by arsey, nasty, older kids. Thing is, we are probably right TBGP.

nametaken Mon 11-Aug-08 00:49:59

You can spot them a mile off can't you.

The kids going nowhere sad

solo Mon 11-Aug-08 02:13:16

Yes you can - sadly.

solo Mon 11-Aug-08 02:16:16

By the way. I agree mostly about the parents mapping out their kids lives. Unfortunately though, there are a few that do have very decent, God fearing parents, but something screwy happens in their minds and the kids break away from the decency they're brought up with.

TinySocks Mon 11-Aug-08 06:33:45

But there are so many bullies that unfortunately grow up to be successful. And even in school, plenty of bullies are followed by other kids because somehow they are respected or feared.
I can imagine Simon Cowell being a bully as a child.

abbie1580 Mon 11-Aug-08 06:49:51

my ds was bullied in school and by some conincidence (or maybe not ) the boys dad used to bully my dh when he was at school so it certainly doesnt help things school was rubish and ended up moving him out of there but best thing we could have done.

BouncingTurtle Mon 11-Aug-08 06:58:54

TBGP - your poor boy. But how lovely that little girl came across and was so sweet - does give you some hope that there are other nice kids out there oh, and YANBU. We say the same thing to my dss who has asperger's when he gets picked on - we tell him that he'll be the manager of a huge factory when he grows up (he is obsessed with factories smile) and the nasty boys will end up begging him for a job sweeping floors lol.
I agree with solo, there was a family in my street, mum is friends with my mum, really nice, older boy and a younger girl. The boy turned out really well, is married with a kid and a good job, the girl ended up on drugs and pg at 17 sad - she didn't even know who the dad was (or if she did she never said).
She's ok now and settled, but having good parents didn't prevent her from falling into a bad crowd when she left school. But I think her parents did help set her right again. Bad parents wouldn't have given a shit, I guess.

Oh my goodness shock Could you lot be more self-righteous? Oh he's a bad apple...you can tell the way he'll turn out. Well with that sort of attitude surrounding him he surely will. Get out of your ivory towers. Children from nice families turn out to be drug dealers, children from sh*tty homes can turn it around. Your life isn't mapped out before you even reach adulthood.
I come from a very 'nice' middle class family, I did all the right things, university, nice bloke, married, children. My brother went completely off the rails. Same home, same map, different results.
I do hope no-one sees your children on a bad day and thinks 'what brats they'll never amount to anything'.
What a sad, sad, thread.

AbbeyA Mon 11-Aug-08 07:56:24

I am trying to work out how old the 'older boy' was, surely not very old if it was a soft play area? It could have been an accident!
Unfortunately you can't map out your DCs life by being 'good'parents. It would be nice if everyone got their just deserts but life isn't like that!

ninedragons Mon 11-Aug-08 08:10:37

The OP didn't say it to the violent child. She said it to her own child, and yes, I think instilling the idea that violence has bad consequences, including imprisonment, is perfectly reasonable. No, not everyone gets what they deserve but it is still a good principle to instill in a small child when the world is still black and white.

If the OP had said it to the other child I would have been a bit more reserved. You never know how these things are going to turn out; my DH worked in Safeway in the holiday between school and university. Some old codger at his till said to his surly teenage DS 'if you don't get off your bum and study you'll end up like this boy here, on the till at Safeway'. DH looked him in the eye, gave him a smug grin and said 'what, with straight A-star A levels and a place at Cambridge?'

FioFio Mon 11-Aug-08 08:13:25

Message withdrawn

tigermoth Mon 11-Aug-08 08:18:48

YABU. Yes it was a bad idea to say that to your son IMO.

Life is not that simple. Life is unfair. Parents cannot programme their children for success or failure. It gives your son a skewed idea of the world, and his place in it, if you reinforce this view IMO.

IMO you should have kept your comments to the here and now. You could have told your son the playcentre will end up banning the boy if he keeps on hurting people so he'll have nowhere to play when it rains. Or something else along those lines - more cause and effect.

Sorry your son was hurt by this boy - what he did sounds horrible. Did you complain to the staff?

AbbeyA Mon 11-Aug-08 08:22:01

There is no evidence that he was being bullied, if boys are being rough in a soft play area it is quite possible for one to get kicked by accident.
I wouldn't be mapping out my DCs life to university when 5yrs old!

nametaken Mon 11-Aug-08 08:23:43

Ninedragons, Love it smile.

Why the hell shouldn't we allow ourselves a smug comment if we feel like. It's not like we can do anything else is it? It's not as if the OP can kick the older boy back. There is NOTHING we can do about behaviour like we, we have to chuffing well lump it so I don't for the life of me see the harm in coming here and saying what we really think.

Decent people everywhere are fed up of having to mix with low-lifes. Why do you think some houses sell for £50k more than they are worth just because they are in the catchment area for a good school? Coz people are desparate for their kids to do well and not get sucked into a life of crime/unemployment/drugs/teenage pregnancy, that's why.

Heaven forbid you should actually congratulate yourself on having done a job well.

Blandmum Mon 11-Aug-08 08:25:53

THe sad (bad) thing is that all teachers will tell you that these kids exist, and can identify them very easily.Many oof them come to me at 11, and nothing has improved (I'm talking here about NT kids who often end up with a ststement for EBD).

and nothing gets ndone to help change their awful behavior.

As a Teacher I'll follow the guidance on their IEPs which tell me not to metaphorically back them in a corner, to ignore low level diruption, to accentuate the positive but none of this changes their basic poor behavior patters.

and then they leave school, walk into a pub where people haven't read their IEPs, they do get backed into a corner and they end up in a fight.

It isn't enough for us to contain these kids, we need to do something to change the pattern so that they don't end up in Borstal. Or dead.

AbbeyA Mon 11-Aug-08 08:27:43

I agree with MB, but could this not have been a simple accident in a soft play area?

Love2bake Mon 11-Aug-08 08:28:41

Dances - agree with what you said.

My 4 y/o has just started 'playing' Kung Fu Panda, since he saw the film. TBH I think that is completely normal for a boy. He is not a bully by a long shot!

Blandmum Mon 11-Aug-08 08:29:43

Yes it could be.

I think to a degree it depends how the older kid behaved after the incident.

If it had been my ds who accidentaly kicked someone he would have been in floods of tears, apologising non stop. Sadly there are 5 year olds without that degree of social concience

Blandmum Mon 11-Aug-08 08:30:51

and (lol) ds actually does karate and is working towards his third belt

Blandmum Mon 11-Aug-08 08:30:58

and (lol) ds actually does karate and is working towards his third belt

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