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to think my dh should put his children before his nephew?

(17 Posts)
whitetulips Sun 10-Aug-08 21:42:36

My dh works abroad for 8 week spells, comes home for a week or two each time. My nephew has cerebral palsy and my h has bought him a present.
DH wants to get off a 20 hour flight, and get a taxi to see his nephew, rather than come home to his children. He will get home 2-3 hours later than he could.

He could go to see him the next day, and take our dc with him?
AIBU ???

lazaroulovespastries Sun 10-Aug-08 21:43:28


AbbeyA Sun 10-Aug-08 21:45:01


hester Sun 10-Aug-08 21:45:25

Can't possibly comment without having a clearer understanding of all the family dynamics behind this.

But whatever is going on between you and your husband, do you really want to put your nephew at the centre of it?

cupsoftea Sun 10-Aug-08 21:45:49

yanbu - why does he want to go there first? Is there anyway you could all go with him?

liahgen Sun 10-Aug-08 21:46:50

yanbu, imo.

But like Hester aid, there has to be more to this than meets the eye?

TheGreatScootini Sun 10-Aug-08 21:47:33

I would probably be peeved.But I can see why I shouldnt be IYSWIM.He's doing a very nice thing.It doesnt make all that much difference if he's 2 hours late this one time.But I can still see why you would be annoyed.Every second counts when you are on your own with DC's I am a bit princessy sometimes and though I hate to admit it like to be put first smile

minouminou Sun 10-Aug-08 21:49:23

i think a 2 or 3 hour "delay" in getting to you, so dh can see his nephew, when he's gonna be home with you for at least a week, is A-OK
are you thinking you should be feeling neglected (IYSWIM)?
i think he's doing a nice thing, and he sounds like a good guy

WinkyWinkola Sun 10-Aug-08 21:53:15


He should have come home first to see you and your DCs.

Then you all go round tomorrow or the next day. What's the urgency to see his nephew? Is the nephew ill or something?

I'd be feeling the need to see my children and DH myself.

Perhaps don't be in when DH arrives seeing as he doesn't really feel the need to be coming home.

Am I being petty? Suspect so. Three treats (glasses of wine) tonight so maybe ignore me.

whitetulips Sun 10-Aug-08 21:53:51

He has to get a train to here. he is breaking the journey to get a taxi to see him, then a taxi back to station to continue his journey home.
The prob is the nephew is always getting stuff cos family 'feel sorry for him' and all the other kids in the family, his sibs and my dc, get nothing.
I will be at work, and my dad is looking after dc til he arrives.
My point is why can't he wait 24 hours, see his kids, and then all go to deliver the present.
When dh gets home, he will be in bed within 2 hours cos of jet lag

WinkyWinkola Sun 10-Aug-08 21:54:59

I think it's weird.

minouminou Sun 10-Aug-08 21:55:59

OK, that makes things a bit clearer, and it is mildly annoying
however, maybe your DH is thinking that if he gets the visit done and dusted, he can have unadulterated time with you and DCs for the rest of his leave (after the jet lag)

cupsoftea Sun 10-Aug-08 21:56:39

Should see his kids first - but is he waiting to get home to arrive as you get back from work?

liahgen Sun 10-Aug-08 21:56:47

Unreasonable of him to thing you would be ok with that.

No reason why you can't all go the following day.

AbbeyA Sun 10-Aug-08 21:58:06

I also think that your DH sees it as a way to get it done quickly and easily.

whitetulips Sun 10-Aug-08 22:08:15

thanks for all the input.
I don't see how it is easy to spend £15 on taxi's when he will have use of the car the following day, and as nephew will be at dh's mums house, he will want to spend at least 3 days of each week (based on his last visit 'home') there.

Marriage is not great tbh, and I am guilty of looking for stuff to pick on, but at least I know I am not being totally unreasonable about this.

AbbeyA Sun 10-Aug-08 22:17:40

In view of your last posting I will change my mind-YANBU.

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