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To be outraged that a woman pinched my son's neck because he pushed past her granddaughter

(29 Posts)
goodomen Sun 10-Aug-08 21:33:21

This happened a few weeks ago but I have been having ongoing arguements about whether the crazy pinching woman was in the right or not so I am seeking other opinions!

I had taken my 3 children to the local museum. My 4.5 yr old ds was about 10 feet away but out of my sight around a corner playing.
He came to me visibly upset and said a woman had pinched his neck and said in a scary voice (his words) 'Don't push'.
I was shocked especially as there was a mark on his neck.

I am terrible at dealing with confrontations but felt I could not just let this go, so I very politely approached the accused woman. She said my ds had pushed past her grand daughter and she had told him off.
I told her my ds had said she had pinched his neck and there was a mark there, at which point she denied it and walked off.

There is no doubt that she did hurt ds as he would never just make something up out of the blue like that.
I was and still am furious about it, but a few friends and my brother have said they think adults should be able to discipline other peoples children, and that is the problem with society today etc etc.

I totally disagree. What do you all think?

expatinscotland Sun 10-Aug-08 21:34:45

well, if it was weeks ago i think you need to let it go.

but i'm not the bashful type so it's a good thing she didn't pinch my kid because the issue would have been resolved then and there believe you me!

constancereader Sun 10-Aug-08 21:35:27

She should be allowed to SPEAK to your son and tell him not to push.

In no way is it acceptably to actually HURT your son.

Your friends and brother need to define their terms properly, surely they don't think that hurting children is appropriate?

choosyfloosy Sun 10-Aug-08 21:35:44

Two issues: the push and the pinch.

Both wrong IMO, but I'd agree the pinch on the neck was massively more wrong than pushing past the granddaughter. Telling another person's child off is IMO in some cases fine, but not this.

Nowt you can do about it.

DisenchantedPlusBump Sun 10-Aug-08 21:36:01

I would have punched her in the nose.

wink

nancy75 Sun 10-Aug-08 21:37:26

i agree that if he pushed in she was right to tell him not to, however i dont think it is ever right to pinch a child - let alone one thats not yours.
however as expat said you need to let it go now, theres not much you can do about it.

controlfreakyagain Sun 10-Aug-08 21:37:28

if you see her again kick her hard on the shin.

hester Sun 10-Aug-08 21:38:57

YANBU. 'Don't push' is acceptable; pinching no way. What a vile woman.

WinkyWinkola Sun 10-Aug-08 21:39:19

She was right to tell your son off for pushing.

But I don't get the pinching. If he pushes, she pinches? Funny game.

That's definitely not on. Where does it end then?

But I would forget it about it now. I bet your DS has. Don't dwell on it. It's not marked him for life. It's done with.

madcol Sun 10-Aug-08 21:40:26

Are you still furious about it because you didn't do more a the time or because she didn't confess?
She sounds a horrible person and shows how weird people can be but if DC is alright about it I would move on .it may help to plan how you would react in a similar situation next time if you're not happy with how it played out. I personally would have been furious at the time to her face which may have not been helpful but probably would have got it out of my system.

Rhubarb Sun 10-Aug-08 21:40:41

Why - on - earth - did - you - not - do - something - then?

You are obviously affected by this. But my God, if someone had done this to my ds I'd have floored her, granny or no granny!

TheRealMrsOsborne Sun 10-Aug-08 21:40:47

Telling another child off for doing something wrong is fine, pinching them is not on at all. I don't hit/push/pinch my kids and if anyone else did i would hurt them angry. I have even had words with my mother for threatening to smack my kids - she had no intentions of doing so but i won't have anyone threatening to let alone doing it.

expatinscotland Sun 10-Aug-08 21:42:16

i probably might have pinched her back.

or slapped her.

hester Sun 10-Aug-08 21:42:28

I nearly lamped a woman today who called my dd (2.10) 'stupid' for being in her way. Narrow pavement, dd on scooter, woman jogging, both had to move aside to let the other pass. If it had been an adult, no way would she have said anything, but clearly she felt a child should not make her slow her pace.

I hate it with a passion when people act as though children don't deserve respect - or as though adults don't deserve respect from children, either.

MrsMattie Sun 10-Aug-08 21:42:29

What a nasty old bat. Put it down to her being quite possibly mad and let it go.

MilkMonitor Sun 10-Aug-08 21:42:49

It's a bit weird saying don't pinch because I'll punch/floor/kick you.

Not sure where the rationale is there. Is it don't be violent because then I'll be violent and that'll teach yers.

In front of the kids? That'll definitely teach 'em!

goodomen Sun 10-Aug-08 21:43:21

Yes I do need to let it go. I am just annoyed at myself for being so useless in difficult situations.
To be honest I think she should have come straight to me so I could have disciplined ds.

expatinscotland Sun 10-Aug-08 21:44:18

yeah, like that old besom was so going to take on someone her own size, though.

seriously, take an assertiveness course or something.

rhu and disenchanted and i would be glad to help .

WinkyWinkola Sun 10-Aug-08 21:45:45

But goodomen, being assertive doesn't mean being violent or bullying yourself. There is a difference.

expatinscotland Sun 10-Aug-08 21:47:32

Aw, c'mon, Winky, that auld besom sounds like she could have used a bit of a kickin' .

EmbarrassedQ Sun 10-Aug-08 21:48:18

Yes, to telling off a misbehaving child but definite no to getting physical with them. Sounds like a crazy woman - let it go.

goodomen Sun 10-Aug-08 21:48:24

Expat I would not usually be described as unassertive.
My problem is when I am angry it just comes out as shaking and wanting to burst into tears. It is horrible because after the event I know exactly what I should have said and done but just can't do it at the time.

I agree that the woman was OK to tell ds off, but think she was totally out of line with the pinching

Rhubarb Sun 10-Aug-08 21:52:15

Ah but it would teach her to pick on someone her own size eh?

Quite right though, violence only begets violence, so duff her up out of sight eh?

elmoandella Sun 10-Aug-08 21:52:43

sometimes i come accross really rowdy kids that push and swear and annoy my dc and i feel like pinching them when their mothers are out of sight.

blush

would never actually do it. but i dream of it as i politely say "there there run away little cherub" to the offending child.

not that your dc are little devil cherubs.

but i can understand why woman did it? it's not right. but if she was elderly then that was the done thing in her generation

saying "it takes a village to raise a child"

ImnotOK Sun 10-Aug-08 21:57:41

I would have pinched her back too angry.

HESTER a woman who was jogging once screamed at my son [4 at the time]when she tried to get past him in the park and he didn't move fast enough apparently ,however she was sprinting by the time I had finished with her wink

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