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to not want to 'give generously' to families better off than ours?

(59 Posts)
broccolispears Sat 09-Aug-08 20:12:18

DP went to a posh, expensive, private school.

Whether we wanted to or not, we will never ever ever in this lifetime be able to afford to send our children to any private school, let alone this one.

Dp is on the mailing list of Old Boys for this school. A couple of times a year we get a phonecall from their fundraising team, asking if we want to donate one lump sum or a standing order of an amount a month.

NO! No, we don't. WHY? Why would anyone want to donate money to fund skiing trips and tennis courts for other people's children? When the parents of the children in question are wealthy enough already to be spending more than most people earn in a year on sending their children to the school?

School books for children in Ethiopia - yes.
A week's sailing for Joquasta - NO!

What really really boils my piss is when dp starts to waiver and say "well, they say even a one off donation of £20 would help". ARRGGHHH! NO! How about we use that one off donation of £20 to buy me some flip flops that aren't held together with duct tape?

objectivity Sat 09-Aug-08 20:13:31

Is that REALLY what the money goes to? hmm

Bluestocking Sat 09-Aug-08 20:13:55

Just ignore them. My college asks me for money twice a year. Talk about robbing the poor to give to the rich.

ninah Sat 09-Aug-08 20:14:13

do you take the calls? tell them!!!!

batters Sat 09-Aug-08 20:14:33


constancereader Sat 09-Aug-08 20:15:12

Tell them to stop bothering you.

TrinityRhino Sat 09-Aug-08 20:17:04

'boils my piss' roffle grin

Heated Sat 09-Aug-08 20:17:17

Ring and ask to be removed from their mailing list.

ninah Sat 09-Aug-08 20:18:17

No wait for the next call and tell them they're boiling your piss. They need to know!

Elasticwoman Sat 09-Aug-08 20:19:23

Absolutely agree with you Broccoli. My FIL went to Manchester Grammar and he is courted assiduously by the Alumni fundraisers who asked him for money towards their new stage for the drama dept. They didn't tell him it was going to cost £2 - 3 MILLION, and the school is only open to fee paying students, of which there are now about 3000. FIL was so flattered they mentioned his hour of glory treading the boards in the 1930s he coughed up. OK, his money, his choice but I don't know if he could see the irony when his own grandchildren do not have the option of private education.

ivykaty44 Sat 09-Aug-08 20:21:20

Ask the old boys to politely take you of the fund raising list as this will save them the price of the telephone call each year and every little will help their fund wink

The money doesn't go on trips etc but scholarships for example musci lessons or sports lessons. It was your dp choice to join the old boys and they have no idea of his finances now.

Quattrocento Sat 09-Aug-08 20:23:42

Oh I get those too. Never donated a penny. Doesn't seem like a deserving cause to me either. Also get calls/letters from my old university. Ignore those too - though am a bit more sympathetic, but it still doesn't pass the "deserving" test.

ninah Sat 09-Aug-08 20:26:54

on reflection, ivykaty's solution is far more elegant.

broccolispears Sat 09-Aug-08 20:27:37

Oh I would (politely) tell them to take a jump, but it's not my phonecall. I think dp thinks fondly of them - he's just the world's worst at saying no to anyone, but I think he knows how unimpressed I'd be if he got his chequebook out on this occasion grin.

(And 'boils my piss' is actually quite a horrid thing to say - I was caught up in the ranty moment blush)

beanieb Sat 09-Aug-08 20:28:48




thank you!

It's the same as any other charity calling.

ninah Sat 09-Aug-08 20:29:08

I was caught there with you for a minute grin

chonky Sat 09-Aug-08 20:31:22

DH gets these calls too. I think it depends on where the money goes tbh. DH attended his 'posh, private school' on a fee assisted place. I'd be happy if he wanted to give cash to fund other fee assisted places (however no blardy way for sailing lessons for Jocasta!).

themoon66 Sat 09-Aug-08 20:33:35

You are not being unreasonable at all.

<makes mental note to slip the phrase 'really boils my piss' into next ranty conversation>

TheSoapEatersMum Sat 09-Aug-08 22:37:31

lol @ boils my piss, my DH says that!
Are you or your DH forces by any chance? Sorry v nosey, feel free to ignore q!

TheRealMrsJohnSimm Sat 09-Aug-08 23:41:55

YANBU so going to steal the phrase "really boils my piss"!!!!

Janni Sat 09-Aug-08 23:45:09

Anyone who's been to a posh school or any sort of university gets asked to donate money to fund the current intake...Don't take it personally. You SHOULD ask to be taken off their mailing list though, it would save time and money all round.

stitch Sun 10-Aug-08 15:20:15

hide the mail before your dp sees it
or write to them, and ask them to consider putting your family down as beneficiaries of their charity. since the school failed to give hime an education whereby he could earn enough to pay to send his kids to school there, that means they have failed him. word it well, and i bet you they will stop pestering you. grin

KatieDD Sun 10-Aug-08 16:29:36

Hmmm well they are assuming that he can afford it and wants to help other children that are having the same education he benefited from, not there fault your DH isn't in a position to, they need know so they can stop wasting their time.

Elasticwoman Sun 10-Aug-08 22:13:45

Katie - you have SO missed the point. This is not about whether some one can afford it. It's about whether giving to kids who are rich enough to be educated privately is a fit outlet for charitable impulses, however great or small.

funnypeculiar Sun 10-Aug-08 22:17:57

<snort> at boils my piss. My uni have stopped calling me & asking me for money since i explained to them in painstaking detail why I wasn't comfortable with the idea.
I think they have "raving nutter, will rant for hours. Do not call' next to my name. I sooo wish I'd told them they boiled my piss... sad

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