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to think that dh should actually stay with me at friends wedding

(22 Posts)
belcantavinissima Sat 09-Aug-08 09:19:42

we went to my friends wedding yesterday. really lovely lovely day. dh worked in the mroning and met me at lunchtime at the wedding before the service. he didnt really want to go. i think he has alot on at work. my friend has gone to loads and loads of trouble for the big day and it was a costly do. it was mainly a family thing and it was an honour to be invited tbh because we dont know them that well and her and her dp only invited 3 friends and their dps each.
anyway we were having a nice time, i didnt take the kids as wanted to spend a nice day with dh relaxing together etc. so after the wedding breakfast and pimms on the lawn etc we walked down to a nearbyy pub where they were having the evening do with bouncy castle and bbq. dh said he would seee me there as he went off to get me some ciggies from tescos (which was nice of him). got to the bar, waitingf fpor dh, eventually he turns up, i order him a drink. turn around and he has disappeared. wander outside where everyone is sat, no dh. after about half an hour of me looking for him and people asking where he wa s i found him in the conservatory reading the fucking paper!!!!!
so i was a bit annoyed really but asked him if he wanted me to stay with him. he didnt. i went back outside. to the only 2 people i knew. i felt a bit embarassed and was puzzled and cross. i know they thought it was weird.
finally about 2 hours later he came back out, offered me a drink, went to the bar, came back with a pint for him and nothing for me, downed his pint and said he was going to walk home and i should get a taxi back later. he didnt tell anyone else he was going and didnt even say goodbye or thank you to the bride and groom. i was just so shock and blush that he thought it was ok to carry on like that and he really thought i was being unreasonable being pissed off with him. he sai he had been with these people all day and if he wanted some time to himself he should be allowed to.
i mean ffs its ONE day! i have never done anything like that when i have had to go along to his boring works dos. i still feel angry with him now. oh, and i had a rubbish time after all this, sat on my own, literally, bored to death and lonely.

i know there is no point even discussing this with him today - he knows i am annoyed with him but he totally fails to see why. now i am beginning to wonder if iabu or not. (obv i think he is grin). mn jury i let you decide!

ghosty Sat 09-Aug-08 09:23:04

Next time you have to go to a work do take a crossword and sit and do it then ask him what the problem is ....

posieflump Sat 09-Aug-08 09:24:28

yanbu

is he usually like that?

posieflump Sat 09-Aug-08 09:27:51

tell him you are going out today for a few hours on your own to read the paper and drink coffee and leave him with the kids

belcantavinissima Sat 09-Aug-08 09:28:27

no hes not usually like that. altho we had friends round for dinner once and he just took himself off to bed. that was a bit weird i guess but that was a long time ago.

in fact normally he is much better than me in social situations. he had been totally fine up til that point. i dont understand him. he is getting on my nerves.

Sparkletastic Sat 09-Aug-08 09:29:01

That is appalling behaviour by your DH - I'd be ranting at him!! Does he have trouble making small-talk? No excuse really though as he could at least have spent time with you. And deffo do what ghosty says at your 1st opportunity grin

belcantavinissima Sat 09-Aug-08 09:30:27

posieflump that is a nice idea. tho whenever i say i am going out (ie to try and get some peace onm yown) he always asks me which of the kids i am taking, its never worth me saying no or i willl have to deal with him being pissed off/ angry at me afterwards. i guess maybe he is quite controlling sad and i dont usually recognise it

posieflump Sat 09-Aug-08 09:31:46

he just took himself off to bed when you had friends round?
now that is truly awful, is his family very antisocial?

belcantavinissima Sat 09-Aug-08 09:32:18

i thought well it would have been a nice opportunity for us to spend some 'quality' time together have a few drinks and a laugh. but no he had other ideas. he is fina at small talk, i am the one who finds it really hard, but you just make an effort dont you? maybe he just doesnt actually like me sad

belcantavinissima Sat 09-Aug-08 09:34:02

posieflump- his family are very very odd tho not necessarily antisocial.. like isay he's not really like this which is why i can remeber it and i am shocked by it. he didnt speak to me when i got home last night and i was too cross. we went to bed in silence. he is oiut now taking ds2 swimming.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparkletastic Sat 09-Aug-08 09:35:30

If he fails to see why you are so angry I'd go into cold calm fury mode and keep explaining until he DOES get it. He owes you big time - why don't you pop out somewhere without DCs or DH today and do something you want to do?

belcantavinissima Sat 09-Aug-08 09:37:42

i am so glad its not just me. he will never see that he is in the wrong. or he wont admit it. i am hurt that he just didnt care when he must have been able to see that his behaviour bothered me.
would love to go out and escape but have no money. he sure as hell isnt gonna give me any.

lulumama Sat 09-Aug-08 09:40:12

rude and unreasonable

unless he has some sort of social phobia

in which case he should get some help with it

posieflump Sat 09-Aug-08 09:41:16

why wouldn't he give you nay money to go out today?

has he got any redeeming features?!!

Roskva Sat 09-Aug-08 09:41:22

yanbu - if your dh has agreed to accept your friends' hospitality, especially for their wedding, it is simple good manners to make an effort and join in. I think he was downright rude - to your friends and to you.

I like ghosty's idea - next time he takes you to some do that's important to him, take your book/crossword/whatever, and do the same.

Overmydeadbody Sat 09-Aug-08 09:42:09

I doubt he doesn't like you belcantavinissima.

I think you are bu in expecting him to have stayed with you just because you had thought it would be a good opportunity to spend some time together though. You had expectations that he would feel the same which is unreasonable of you and will always leave you feeling disappointed.

Best thing to do is not have expectations about how others will behave or assume that they will want the same things. Sounds like he really just needed some time by himself. Don't have a go at him for not behaving the way you assumed he would. That is unfair on him.

belcantavinissima Sat 09-Aug-08 09:42:34

i would do except i dont even get invited out anywhere with him anymore.

Overmydeadbody Sat 09-Aug-08 09:42:45

he should have said goodbye to the hosts though.

belcantavinissima Sat 09-Aug-08 09:46:36

yes he should. he said he was going to but when i was leaving the bride asked where he was and i had to say he had gone home 2 hrs ealier. he said he couldnt find them but they had been in the same place all evening. (which he might have known had he not been reading the sodding paper ffs)

Overmydeadbody Sat 09-Aug-08 09:50:57

Sounds like maybe there is something on his mind or bothering him that is consuming him to the extent that he has forgotten nomal social graces.

Maybe instead of being annoyed and cross with him you need to ask him if there is anything bothering him and let him know you are there if he needs to talk or offload.

potoftea Sat 09-Aug-08 09:54:25

We went through a period when my dh was very antisocial due to depression. I found it very lonely at times.
But he never left me alone in situations like this when I wasn't part of the crowd already, and also he wasn't that rude to other people.

If I were the hosts at the wedding, I'd feel your dh was rude and ungrateful. Even if he didn't want to spend all his time with you he should've made an effort with other people, and thanked the bride and groom when he was leaving.
So it doesn't really sound like he didn't want to be with you; he didn't want to be with anyone.
But YANBU at all.

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