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AIBU?

To ask exp for more money?

44 replies

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 19:59

Exp and me have an arrangement that he gives me £40 a week for ds and dd in maintenance which I do sometimes get, but not always.
Do you think it is ok to ask him to go halves with me on expensive purchases like double buggy and cot?
Im guessing he's going to say that he cant afford to, but I cant keep paying for the big items as I cant afford it either... I always manage to find the money from somewhere but it means there have to be other cuts which sometimes means we have to go without basic things.
I always shop around to find the cheepest option for our needs, so do you think it would it be ok to ask if he would help out with these purchases?

OP posts:

Report

BrownSuga · 08/08/2008 20:01

It's not unreasonable to ask him at all.

Love2bake · 08/08/2008 20:02

£40 a week

Yes he should pay half for the big items, along with a decent weekly amount!

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 20:04

Lol just asked him and he said theres no way he can afford it.... If his gf would get an effing job they wouldnt be so strapped for cash! Its really starting to bug me. Im actually feeling sorry for him now. Hes trying to support me in his own little way and seems to be maiking an affort atm but he's paying csa to his ex and supporting his new gf and her daughter... If she doesnt get off her ass soon im gonna say something!

OP posts:

evangelina · 08/08/2008 20:04

I've got no idea how you manage on £40 per week.

Love2bake · 08/08/2008 20:06

How many kids does he have?

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 08/08/2008 20:07

yes definalty.

tell him u want more maint as well. what does he earn?

his responsibilities are to his/your kids as well.

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 20:14

Hahaha Love2bake my kids are 2 of many of his children... I actually dont know how many he has.... deffo 5 but there could be more. Doesnt see or pay towards 2 of them.
I have tired to explain to him that Im just as skint as he is as im a student and have no income atm apart from tax credits and child benefit although I should be getting income support soon untill I go bk to uni in september.
Im not sure how much he earns. Hes in a monkey job (anyone could do it) and so is on a pretty basic wage. I think this is karma biting his bum!!! He is the biggest sponger going... and now everyones taking what their owed back off of him! He is trying but £40 isnt that much to survive on.
Dd is in second hand clothes... were very lucky at how much has been donated to us and im just glad that she has stuff to wear... have been economising all week to stretch the budget... got my phone, tv and internet down to £26 a month now and changed my mobile network to cut costs but it doesnt make a huge difference. Not sure how to make him see how much the kids actually cost... I might start writing it down to show to him.... he thinks £40 a week is a lot lol!

OP posts:

eandh · 08/08/2008 20:14

charlotte121 can you email me on [email protected], I tried to CAT you but you havent selected to receive them

Thanks

Love2bake · 08/08/2008 20:16

What a nightmare - sounds like he needs to step-up and start supporting his kids properly.

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 20:22

I think his current gf is pregnant too.... woooo! He is one fertile man! I have no hope of getting any money out of him if thats the case.

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KatieDD · 08/08/2008 20:27

Have you been to the CSA or at least looked at their site for the calculation as to what he should be paying.
MIne pays £50 a week for one which is shite but he does pay without fail and I don't like to rock the boat my asking for more.
At least being in the same country as him you stand a chance of the CSA enforcing payments if it's in your interest to go down that route often it isn't.

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 08/08/2008 20:30

it's not a lot for 2 kids - needs to put a not in it I reckon - while on one hand he's a 'good man' for providing for his GF's littler one and taking that one on - what about her real dad?? surely he should be paying something or other for her?

try suggesting to him it's not enough - even and extra £10.

(btw you can show him by totting up just what the kids have - ie nappies etc formula clothes) then say - and that's without food, rent, etc etc.

(how old is your DS btw, I have a load of clothes if they're any good to you - u can have them, all I ask is you arrange a courier) - think it's 18-24 that I have left. the rest has gone I think. oh and a load of 6-12 m vests/sleepsuits. (but theyr'e unisex)

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 20:31

I dont think i would get much more out of him if I went to the csa as he is on the minimum wage. I just really struggle with big purchases like the double buggy. Got a really nice one for £80 in the end but still had to pay it all my self.

eandh i have sent you an email.

OP posts:

TinkerBellesMum · 08/08/2008 20:33

For an amount of children over three the amount is worked out for three children (25%) and then distributed equally amongst the children. So if he is paying for five children then each child will get 5% of his income. £40 a week suggests that he is on £400 a week, which is over £1700 a month either he is over paying you or he's getting paid better than you think.

YANBU to ask him, but you won't be able to force him if he says no.

Not trying to sound like I'm on his side, I'm not at all, just trying to look at things objectively a little.

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 20:34

Spandex, he owes me £2000 which he "cant afford" to pay back.
Ds is 14 months and dd is 8 weeks. My mum says its only what he deserves for fathering all of these kids which yes is true but i cant help feeling that if his gf went and got a job the situation would be a whole lot easier for everyone.

OP posts:

eandh · 08/08/2008 20:36

charlotte - emailed you back!

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 08/08/2008 20:37

well - if you want them for his next set to grown into they're all yours - (can keep a hang of it all until you're ready if you want - have pics of it all - as I say just do a courier if you can on ebay - think it's about £8 - unless u know a cheaper one) a mix of jeans shorts, tops.

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 08/08/2008 20:37

(email is [email protected] btw)

Anna8888 · 08/08/2008 20:38

£20 per week per child is very little. YANBU.

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 20:47

Tinker he doesnt pay for his first 2 kids (dd who i think is 8 and ds about 6) he has just started paying for ds2 who i think is 2 and he gives me money for my ds (his 3rd son who is 14months and dd who is his 2nd daughter aged 2 weeks) I think he gets about £250 a week.

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TinkerBellesMum · 08/08/2008 20:52

It might not be a lot, but it makes him earning quite a bit if you look at the figures I posted before. If he is earning less than that (as charlotte121 seems to suggest) he is actually being generous.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but - assuming he is on £400 a week - your money will go down to £34pw when he has a baby with his new partner.

TinkerBellesMum · 08/08/2008 20:56

X-post there.

So he is being generous as you should only be getting £25 pw from him - regardless that he doesn't pay for his other children, it's still what you're entitled too. When the new baby comes you will only be entitled to £21.

I know it's not a lot of money and I'm not excusing him, but he is giving you more than you're entitled to claim off of him. I really do feel for you

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charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 20:57

well its a private agreement between us so hopefully he wont cotton on to reducing the payments lol.

OP posts:

charlotte121 · 08/08/2008 21:13

he calculated it on the csa website and told me he should be giving me £44 a week so we just agreed to make it £40. better than nothing i suppose.

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twinsetandpearls · 08/08/2008 21:15

My ex can't earn a lot, about 20k a year and he only has to pay ten pound a week which I refuse to take as it is insulting. The question does need to be asked however why have children with such a man? Very none PC and perhaps harsh but relevant.

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