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to have not spoken to my mum and dad for 5 weeks?

(13 Posts)
onlygirl Thu 07-Aug-08 16:41:00

Its always me that makes the effort to see them or talk to them on the phone. So I said to dh im not doing this anymore i'll see how long before they notice I havent been round or rang them.
We're up to 5 weeks now with not even a phone call to see how kids are doing either.
Im not going to give in though why should I?

DustyTV Thu 07-Aug-08 16:42:21

How awful, especially not ringing to see how their grandkids are doing.

BrownSuga Thu 07-Aug-08 16:50:00

I spent 18mths in the M.E. my mother didn't phone once! She still doesn't, i get emails detailing her life, excrutiating detail, very one sided. I don't call her now either, cannot be bothered with it.

Can you send them an email with latest kids pictures on? This is what I do now, fulfils my obligation with little effort.

herbietea Thu 07-Aug-08 16:50:38

Message withdrawn

mazzystar Thu 07-Aug-08 16:53:29

You will lose the moral highground if you carry on, though.

What good is it doing you to not bother? Confirm to your mind your idea that they don't give a stuff?

Ring them.

It's the right thing to do.

lulumama Thu 07-Aug-08 16:55:31

well, it really depends what you hope to achieve. if you are trying to prove a point about the relationship being one sided, but they have not noticed , then it is pointless

far better to actually TELL them and give them a chance to remedy things if they want to

do you want your DCs to miss out on their grandparents, just becasue they don;t make the effort?

do you want to end the relationship with your parents?

far better imo to actually talk and communicate

LadyOfWaffle Thu 07-Aug-08 16:57:43

My dad hasn't rung/IMed for months, and I am due his 2nd grandchild tomorrow. MIL has been a month or two also, except once to say she wanted the bed DH offered her. It's amazing how people can be if you take a step back and stop being the ones running around after people. We travel all the time to MILS, she has never been here so stuff her, I am not leaving the house after I have the baby until I am ready, so if she wants to see the bayb she will have to get off her fat lazy arse. Oooh, bit of a rant there!

sweetkitty Thu 07-Aug-08 16:58:37

I did the same thing and went over 6 weeks without speaking to my Mum I was pregnant had terrible SPD and two toddlers as well.

Prior to DD3 being born she hadn't seen her grandchildren for 6 months despite living only an hour away. I won't visit her as it's a complete nightmare as she has this rat dog thing which follows the DDs about jumping up and licking them constantly and I'm fed up shutting the thing out the house. Also she hardly makes me feel very welcome despite driving over an hour to see her with the DDs she will never offer to make a cup of tea for instance whereas when they visit us I am expected to run around after then so now it's just too much hassle.

I have told her she is welcome to come up in the week to visit but apparently she cannot afford the train fare hmm translated this means that unless she is driven there and back she cannot be bothered.

Due to the above and other things I make absolutely no effort to phone or visit.

BrownSuga Thu 07-Aug-08 17:00:58

lmao @ rat dog thing grin (i must be tired)

Troutpout Thu 07-Aug-08 17:13:39

Agree with Mazzy.
Don't go down to their level. I felt like this once and if you hold out you just feel shit anyway.
Phone is too short...go with what they can give.

Nagapie Thu 07-Aug-08 17:17:52

If your parents haven't thought to contact you in 5 weeks, chances are that it is bothering you more than it is bothering them.

See the relationship for what it is, don't expect anything from them or punish yourself because they are incapbale of conducting the relationship the way you want it to be...

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Thu 07-Aug-08 17:19:45

I haven't spoken to my mother for nearly 20 years.

MrsBates Thu 07-Aug-08 17:22:24

My mum didn't ring me at all when she disapproved (as she always did - with all of them) of my boyfriend - now my husband. She always had a 'why should I be the one to call' after a disagreement or awkward patch. But I thought this was stubborn and really a kind of adolescent sulk. Had I not called her we wouldn't have spoken for nearly two years - or longer (but two years was how long it took for her to thaw) but I persevered because I knew one of us had to be the adult in this situation. And despite her insecurities and stubborness etc I loved her very much.

My Dad and his father didn't speak for 7 years and when they finally did and arranged a meeting, my grandad had a stroke and died before they got together. I missed my grandad, despite understanding why Dad was so angry with him. I didn't want to be in that position with Mum- I guess I didn't want history to be repeated. Eventually she came round and we got back to mutual calling - pretty much every day. HOWEVER, when I was pregnant for the first time, she never called at all to ask how things were going. I, as ever, called her and saw her a lot. But since we were all on very good terms by then I couldn't understand what I thought was her lack of concern. It became obvious over the time of the pregnancy that she was behaving in a weirdly distant way at other times too. In short, her apparent lack of interest turned out to be a manifestation of Alzheimers. I am glad I had made the effort to keep talking to her before that appalling disease took her away.

This might have no relevance to your situation but if you behave the same way they do - who gains from prolonged simmering silence? Not you, and not your children. Life is too short for being too proud to make the first move if you're dealing with people you love.

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