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to feel fobbed off by gp and consultant

(30 Posts)
Isabellasmam Thu 07-Aug-08 15:05:59

when dd was born i needed a few stitches which healed well but have been sore since - mainly when doing the deed with dh. this has caused some strain in our relationship as i want to do it but have to be very careful.

went to gp who very begrudgingly referred me and have seen consultant this morning. they both examined me and said that there is nothing is wrong and give it time. dd is now 6mo.

does anyone else have any experience of pain where they were stitched? feel really frustrated! sad

lilymolly Thu 07-Aug-08 15:10:59

I had episiotomy and did not really feel well down below until about a year post birth.
I have lumpy scar tissue and also find sex painful- I dont think their is anything anatomically wrong with me or you but it will still be sore.
Plus you will be more sensitive and expecting it to be painful and maybe experienceing vaginimus spl? where the vaginal muscles go into spasm and tighten up and make sex even more painfull- this leads to a vicsous cirlce.
Try lots of lubrication - ky jelly, and ask your dh to be very gentle when inserting his ahem penis! then try to relax - deep breaths and eventually your muscles will relax too.

Thats what we do and it works for us.
HTH

emma1977 Thu 07-Aug-08 15:20:00

My ds is nearly 8 months and things are only just starting to feel normal 'down there' where my stitches were. I had a vaginal birth and a second degree tear which was sutured very nicely.

Breastfeeding can make you less lubricated during sex than previously and that can contribute to the soreness. Also fear of possible pain during sex may also be playing a part.

It will get better with time, although I know that sounds trite. I would second what lilymolly says about lube and relaxation.

Isabellasmam Thu 07-Aug-08 15:20:52

thanks for you reply lilymolly, your the first person i have spoke to with a similar problem. all of my friends/family said their stitches healed well. have you spoke to a gp about it? has it got any easier?

sorry to bombard you with questions just relieved I'm not going insane.

Isabellasmam Thu 07-Aug-08 15:21:33

thanks also emma1977

emma1977 Thu 07-Aug-08 15:28:52

I find people always hugely underestimate how long it takes to fully recover from any procedure or operation, including childbirth.

I'm sure some women feel completely normal after a few weeks, but I assure you the majority of women don't for a while longer. I do lots of postnatal work, and you would be suprised how few women have resumed a full and active sex life at 6 or 12 months because of soreness issues (not just the sheer exhaustion of motherhood).

LadyOfWaffle Thu 07-Aug-08 15:32:40

Mine were painful for a long long time - you may be able to rub some oils on to help it heal (Bio oil, almond oil, perenial massage oil??? ) and put KJ jelly in the area everyday to keep it well lubed. Mine still twinges and is uncomfortable now I am pregnant again (2 1/2 years later), I think it's one of those things. I had mine checked and was told it was fine also, although one MW commented that I was stitched up too tight, but unsure if that would cause long term discomfort. 6 months was definatly early days in terms of healing down there, sex wasn't easy for maybe a year?

LadyOfWaffle Thu 07-Aug-08 15:35:33

Oh, tons and tons of foreplay does help. Being totally relaxed etc. makes all the difference. Maybe just have times where you do other stuff (you know what I mean ) and when your mind isn't worrying about sex and the pain, it'll happen alot easier and with much less stress. Whatever works for you though

CoteDAzur Thu 07-Aug-08 15:38:31

I had a huge episiotomy and many stitches that were infected. It took ages to heal properly and even then sex was very painful.

A female gynecologist who herself has suffered from a botched episiotomy prescribed me this cream. I don't know if you can get it in the UK, but try. Several weeks of rubbing it in and out, and I'm good as new. I heartily recommend it.

lilymolly Thu 07-Aug-08 15:44:34

I never visited a doctor as I had always found sex painful and have had many years of psychological therapy to overcome it. I still find it painful and the first stages of sex are very clinical-

Stick it in
dont move
deep breaths
ok you can move a little
a little more
Until I relax and can get moving grin

Now 7 weeks pregnant with no 2!!!!!

lilymolly Thu 07-Aug-08 15:45:51

sorry TMI blush

But hey it works for us!

< lilymolly realising she will NEVER be a pron star >

lilymolly Thu 07-Aug-08 15:46:14

PORN star

MrsTittleMouse Thu 07-Aug-08 15:50:38

I have the same problem. Are you breastfeeding? A consultant told me that the lack of hormones can slow down healing. She prescibed me oestrogen cream, which did help, and also dilators to increase my capacity. This was the second gynae that I saw though - the first was completely dismissive of my pain.

I have posted quite a few threads on MN about perineal pain, and you'd be surprised how many women are still suffering after 6 months. I think that it really is a hidden problem, as lots of us don't want to admit it in real life - after all it's like standing up and saying "I have a crap sex life" isn't it?

Isabellasmam Thu 07-Aug-08 16:13:47

thanks to everyone for your posts, i know its a really personal thing to talk about. if its so common why don't doctors know moreabout it. the first gp seemed really worried (man) and said i shouldnt be feeling like this now. had me worried

Isabellasmam Thu 07-Aug-08 16:18:26

not bf

Piccalilli2 Thu 07-Aug-08 16:18:57

I'm finding sex painful 4 months after the birth of dd2 and she was a c-section delivery. My gp thinks it's down to breastfeeding and oestrogen deficiency. She's recommended using lubricant and if that doesn't work then oestrogen cream.

Oblomov Thu 07-Aug-08 16:23:17

Totally associate with Lilymolly.
Ours is like that. I am pg with ds2, and had cs for ds1, so can not appreciate your discomfort with stitches.
And I have always enjoyed sex. Never pain. but can particularly associate with the 'don't move', now go, type instructions.

Hope your dh is as loving and patient as my dh is.

Oblomov Thu 07-Aug-08 16:24:10

No surprise at Drs apathy/non interest, I am afraid.

Isabellasmam Thu 07-Aug-08 16:24:42

he is, feel much better to know that this is normal grin

Oblomov Thu 07-Aug-08 16:26:53

Great.
I think you might find that there is a wealth of info on Mn, on this. Lots of people, for all sorts of medical, stitches, cs, loss of vaginal fluids post birth.
All sorts of reasons.
You are not alone.

TheCrackFox Thu 07-Aug-08 16:44:40

I had an episiotomy and it took about a year for it to feel right. I stopped breastfeeding around about then and it seemed to help too.

Not surprised by the doctors attitude TBH.

emma1977 Thu 07-Aug-08 18:12:01

Ahem, please don't tar all GPs with the same brush...

However (at risk of pissing off my male colleagues), some male GPs can be a bit rubbish with women's bits and tend to be clueless on the reality and aftermath of childbirth.

From my professional experience, I would say that what you are experiencing is more the norm than many would care to admit.

noonki Thu 07-Aug-08 18:19:04

Hi Isabellasmam

at around 6month with my first i went to someone at the hospital who had alook - but three fingers in, said if I can do this there should be nothing physically stopping me and then said right - go and have sex 20 more times if it still hurts come back... my DH's face was a picture of joy when I told him grin

anyway, a few months later, after 20 times of lurrvemaking it no longer hurt... worth a go

Isabellasmam Thu 07-Aug-08 21:52:32

thanks again for the advice grin

allstitchedup Sat 09-Aug-08 08:18:57

Hello! At long last I have actually got round to registering with Mumsnet just so I can respond to YOU! I had my first child in Holland six years ago, got stitched up afterwards and couldn't face a bonk (or when I did it was sore) for months! Kept reading all these new mum-advice things saying 'oooh don't worry if you don't fancy sex for 8 weeks after giving birth as you'll soon be back on the job after that.' and thinking 'So what's wrong with ME then?' Also I was mightly hacked off as I'm lazy as hell and sex is the only form of exercise I've ever really enjoyed and I thought, 'Blimey, am I set to be reduced to Thinking of England for ever after?' (DH (ooh! My first mumsnet abbreviation!)was pretty patient, tho, thankfully). Anyhow suffice to say (sorry - new person rant - will try to be more succinct in future) it WILL get better with time(like you, my Dr back here didn't take much interest either, tho I do remember him saying something like 'you've got quite a lot of debris down there' which made me feel like the Elgin Marbles)- think it took about nine months for me. And if I’m wrong and it doesn't, from what others have said here there are lots of other medi things you can try/ask for. In my case, when I was finally back to normal, I was such a zealot about not wanting others to feel as i did that I went thru a (with hindsight) quite embarrassing and possibly inappropriate phase of virtually stopping women with tiny babies in supermarket and saying 'Excuse me, hopefully this is not your situation, but if by any chance you had stitches and don't fancy sex within 8 weeks, it doesn't mean you'll never fancy it/be able to have it without pain again...' (How to Make Friends and Influence People - or, then again, maybe not). Anyhow, miles better with second child (no stitches). One thing that really helped when stitches were very first done, tho, was a Badedas bath, which Dutch midwives swear by - something to do with the Horse Chestnut - it really eased pain and tightness. Hang on in there, sister, as other's say: YOU ARE NOT ALONE, it takes time, but you'll soon be merrily swinging from the chandeliers again, you mark my words! PS Prob way too late with this message (mumsnet registration only just came thru), but worth a go, I thought.

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