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Not to have called my dad yet?

(11 Posts)
mum2taylor Thu 07-Aug-08 12:24:50

My dad is 68 yo and we recently had an argument about his drinking. He goes out to the pub around 4 times per week for a few hours, which is fine but on a few occasions now he has phoned me to ask me to bring him up a litre of whiskey. He phoned me last week and was already really drunk and I told him to go for a sleep and call me back when he had slept some of it off. He started saying that if i didnt get it for him he would get ready and go for the bus himself...normally I would give in at this point but I was really angry and told him how I felt and that he would need to go himself as I wasnt going to get him any more alcohol. He has had a few nasty accidents in the house (cutting his head opened and several black outs) is my dds b/day next week and he hasnt seen us or called for nearly a mum passed away 2 years ago and I know he is finding it hard but I dont know what to do for him any more...sorry its long but do you think I should phone him?

bubblagirl Thu 07-Aug-08 12:32:33

i would call him it would maybe appear he is drinking through grief

if he calls at unreasonable time or you dont want to take call ignore it

lifes to short his drinking is getting out of hand but if you talk to him maybe see if you can get some grief councilling for him

if he doesnt see it as a problem then you need to tell him your concerns and then wait till he is ready but dont help feed the habit just be there for him

my grandad was alcoholic for years family disagreed but were there for him just didnt feed the habit that was stemmed through grief also

lonliness at home to having lots of friends in the pub seems to tip alot of people towards the drinking sifde of things

see if any hobbies or other things that will give him comfort as i guess his comfort is having peop,le to talk to at the pub but has now stemmed to needing a drink most of the time

have serious chat not a fight about it but see if you can find out how he is feeling and if you can help him or write a letter but i wouldnt not try to contact especially if had accidents in house befoe just for my own peace of mind id like to know he was ok at least

mum2taylor Thu 07-Aug-08 12:36:15

thanks bubblagirl but he absolutely will not talk about his feelings....never has been able to...I get a lot of that from him too and find it really hard to talk to people about things. He is also really "old school" in this thinking. The drink thing has been the same for many, many years. Hes been going to the same pub since before I was even born....I know he is drinking more since my mum died and I have come to accept that now but its his calling and asking me or dp to go and get him more alcohol when he is already really drunk....I suppose I should phone him though.

moondog Thu 07-Aug-08 12:43:31

Aye, phone him.

ScottishMummy Thu 07-Aug-08 12:55:54

call Him* dont stew and lose contact.the alcohol issues sound troubling, an alcohol induced injury and black out warrants further investigation. see gp.ask about any alcohol management plan, reduction programme. also consider day centres/structured activities a support worker going in keep wee eye on him

2 years is very very recent in berevement terms. are you ok?

sorry to hear this is a real worry for you

tootyflooty Thu 07-Aug-08 12:57:33

Phone him, he sounds like he needs help, although it's hard to be patient.Maybe if he asks again, go round but not with a drink, just keep him company and tell him how worried you are.My dad died of A heart attack aged 63 on his own at home, he didn't drink, but used to ramble on due to depression , and sometimes it was just easier to keep our distance.we didn't find out for 3 days. lifes just too short.

mum2taylor Thu 07-Aug-08 13:54:44

any kind of help for him is completely out of the question...he put his hip out a few months ago and absolutely would not go to the doctor about it. As far as the alcohol goes I really do just need to accept him like this now...there is no way he will change. I talk to him when he is sober and he agrees and understands what im saying but it all goes out of the window when he has a drink in him. Your all right though, life is too short and I should phone him.

bubblagirl Thu 07-Aug-08 16:05:32

good luck i know how tough it is my mum didnt talk to her dad for years due to his excessive drinking and has been a regret as his not here now and missed out on so much

its not easy but he is herting and this is his way of blocking it out just be there for him and i hope you are ok and get support and understandimng from your dh xx

mum2taylor Fri 08-Aug-08 11:59:38

thanks for that dp couldnt be any more understanding...he's great grin I have a dd who will be four next week so i dont want him missing out on that either just because he is in a huff! Men, eh! wink

bubblagirl Sat 09-Aug-08 13:48:03

lad you have full support all you can do is try to be there you will never have i wish i had done this as you will know full well you have tried to do your best

its not nice when you have to parent a parent i saw the hurt my mum felt but life is too short and im afraid when you drink and have accidents you never quite know what will happen

take care xx

unfitmother Sat 09-Aug-08 13:52:31

Please call him!
My dad was an alcoholic who drank himself to death 5 yrs ago at the age 66. I cried when I read your post thinking that I'd do anything to be able to call my dad. sad
I know it's hard and bloody annoying but alcoholism is an illness. He won't be around forever, cherish him, despite his faults.

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