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to think it is unfair of my cousin to dump her child?

(40 Posts)
missjennipenni Thu 07-Aug-08 11:01:20

My cousin has asked my Gran (who is in her 70s, and also looking after my disabled Grandad) to have her 1 year old son for a week. My Gran has said yes, she she worries about who my cousin would leave the baby with if she said no.

Now, my Gran has only met the wee boy a handfull of times, he doesnt really know her at all. he has never spent more than an hour in her company.

This isnt a nessecity for my cousin, she just wants to travel around Scotland for a week with a bloke she has just met on the internet! Id be more understanding had it been an emergancy or something.

Am i unreasonable for being mightily pissed off with my cosuin?

VictorianSqualor Thu 07-Aug-08 11:04:36

YANBU, But if you're that worried about your gran looking after the boy could you help out?

FrazzledFairyFay Thu 07-Aug-08 11:04:39

YANBU. Personally I think it would be iresponsible to expect a 70+ year old to look after a 1 year old for even a few hours

missjennipenni Thu 07-Aug-08 11:08:00

Yep, i will no doubt have to help out, but ive never met the boy, and i have 3 kids (including a small baby) myself. I feel so sorry for him, he will know nobody here at all

FFF- i felt guilty when i asked her to watch him for 5 mins when i went to the shop the other day!

missjennipenni Thu 07-Aug-08 11:08:26

I meant i felt guilty at asking my gran to look after MY ds for 5 mins

Hadassah Thu 07-Aug-08 11:11:37

You may feel it's unfair - which is totally valid - but it's your grandmother's decision to say yes or no. She is an adult.

nametaken Thu 07-Aug-08 11:18:03

YANBU but as Hadassah say's it's your grandmothers decision.

I think it's a bit shock myself to dump a one year old on an unfamiliar adult just to go on a week-long shag fest with a man she's just met. Why can't the baby's father have the baby?

rookiemater Thu 07-Aug-08 11:18:13

Well my mum is 70+ and she copes with looking after DS 2.3 once a fortnight. Although we did once go away for 3 nights and that was too much for her.

YANBU its an unfair request, I would love to go away for a full week relaxing with DH without DS ( much as we would clearly miss the tot)but firstly we don't have anyone that could look after him for that long and secondly unless he was going to be with someone who knew and loved him, which is basically my mum and Dad, i wouldn't do it.

Agree with Hadassah though, its up to your gran. Perhaps they could drop him over for a couple of mornings, with any luck he might play well with yours.

rookiemater Thu 07-Aug-08 11:18:14

Well my mum is 70+ and she copes with looking after DS 2.3 once a fortnight. Although we did once go away for 3 nights and that was too much for her.

YANBU its an unfair request, I would love to go away for a full week relaxing with DH without DS ( much as we would clearly miss the tot)but firstly we don't have anyone that could look after him for that long and secondly unless he was going to be with someone who knew and loved him, which is basically my mum and Dad, i wouldn't do it.

Agree with Hadassah though, its up to your gran. Perhaps they could drop him over for a couple of mornings, with any luck he might play well with yours.

rookiemater Thu 07-Aug-08 11:18:49

Oops sorry seem to be doing a lot of double posting today

Mamazon Thu 07-Aug-08 11:21:30

depending on your grandma, social services could actually calssify this as abandonment as the child has been left with an incapable adult.

she is of course out of order for doing this, but i fear there is little you will be able to do about it.

more Thu 07-Aug-08 11:25:17

Where is the father? her parents? the father's parents?

missjennipenni Thu 07-Aug-08 11:29:30

Her Mum refused to have him again, I think she is fed up of always looking after him. No idea about the father, im sure she must have tried him first though. She has 2 other kids, who she gave custody to their fathers, so i know she would have tried that first

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Thu 07-Aug-08 11:30:34

YANBU but maybe your Grandma felt the baby would be better with her. Maybe you could help her? And then when your cousin gets back give her a kick up the backside about her responsibilities.

angry

missjennipenni Thu 07-Aug-08 11:32:26

I know my Gran is her own person, and its up to her. Im just upset on her behalf, that my cousin would use her like this.

OrmIrian Thu 07-Aug-08 11:41:34

YANBU.

My parents are in their late 70s and whilst they love their grandchildren they find it hard work these days. They have had them for 2 seperate days these summer hols and that is the most I would expect of them.

Your cousin is being a little selfish but you can do much about that. It has to be down to your gran to say no. If it's really hard for her this time I'm sure she'll say no next time.

Kewcumber Thu 07-Aug-08 11:46:57

YANBU but I do feel for your gran who is obviously concerned about the baby - however I think perhaps if your cousins mum said no then your gran should probably have followed her lead and said no and waited to see what she did.

But as many people have said - your gran is an adult.

VinegarTits Thu 07-Aug-08 11:48:09

Your cousin is being VERY selfish, i would not leave a 1 yr old with a pensioner for a whole week! your poor Gran, and the poor little boy having such a selfish mummy sad

callmeovercautious Thu 07-Aug-08 11:50:41

YANBU

My In laws are in their 70s and can't look after DD alone at all. She is 23m and too big and stroppy nowadays grin

moondog Thu 07-Aug-08 11:52:20

That is indeed staggeringly selfish.

fabsmum Thu 07-Aug-08 12:02:36

No - YANBU. A week is much too long to leave a toddler with someone who is practically a stranger. Actually it's mad. My parents had my children for 3 days once - for my 40th birthday as dh was taking me to Paris. But I felt horribly guilty about it and wouldn't ask them to do it again.

My mum is 74 btw, and my dad is going to be 80 next year.

That said, they regularly look after dn who's 3 and dn 6 months for a day here and there. They also have my three, who are 9, 4 and 3 for the odd afternoon.

Yes - they get a bit stressed with the kids sometimes, dad especially, but it keeps them on their toes. That sounds like an awful thing to say but I do think that elderly people need to have challenges. As long as they're not guilt tripped or pressured into anything. My dad even came swimming with me and the kids a couple of weeks ago - he was wonderful. Took ds2 (4) into the showers and got him dressed with his shoes on the right feet and everything. Afterwards dad said he'd really enjoyed himself and I could see it'd given him a boost.

But as I said - a week is too long, especially for an elderly person who is caring for someone else already.

missjennipenni Thu 07-Aug-08 12:02:50

I have no idea how boisterous or big the wee bot is, so it maybe he is a petite wee angel that gives my gran no bother all week.

lol what are the chances?

missjennipenni Thu 07-Aug-08 12:06:21

fab - my gran adores all her grandchildren & great grandchildren, my eldest 2 quite often spend an afternoon painting or gardening with her. Its more the fact that this is a young child who will need to be carried about, wake early in the morning and need a LOT of running after, and also that none of us here know him very well.

My girls are 6 & 8, so not really on the same wave length as a 1 year old and will bore of him within an hour. An dmy baby is 4 month sold, and take sup most of my time anyway.

Argh, i could swing for my cousin!

LynetteScavo Thu 07-Aug-08 12:06:49

YANBU, mu mum is in her 70's and I morning is enough with DD. Can you help you'r grand mother out at all during that week? Or even look after the baby yourself?

solo Thu 07-Aug-08 12:06:56

She sounds like an unfit mother.

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