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..irritated at being addressed by my first name

(186 Posts)
raindropsonroses Wed 06-Aug-08 17:26:02

At the hospital today the receptionist was "Lucy-ing" me, she wasn't being friendly either, the opposite in fact!
It happens frequently especially in hospitals. It does annoy me, there is a section in my maternity notes where it asks how I would like to be addressed, and I have put Mrs......
I don't mind in certain situations my first name being used, or if a person introduces themselves by their first name, first. Does anybody agree?
AIBU?

luckylady74 Wed 06-Aug-08 17:30:17

No you are not being unreasonable as it's the social norm to say mrs.., but I remember this from maternity and I think it might be to be more reassuring in streesful situations like giving birth - unfortunate if she was being rude!

HereComeTheGirls Wed 06-Aug-08 17:31:22

Speaking as a receptionist...you really can't win. We have some people who hate to be called by their first name and some who positively prefer it.

I agree if you have a section asking what you prefer to be called she should use that, but maybe she doesn't have time to read your notes.

edam Wed 06-Aug-08 17:31:27

No, it's very rude to use someone's first name in a formal situation unless that person has given permission. I bet the receptionist didn't tell you her Christian name, did she?

edam Wed 06-Aug-08 17:32:22

HCTG - surely the default should be title and surname unless the person says 'oh, call me Kath'?

HereComeTheGirls Wed 06-Aug-08 17:32:45

hmm..~waits for thread to descend into receptionist-bashing~

blueshoes Wed 06-Aug-08 17:35:07

I prefer first name - and would correct if person addressed me formally. Working in the City, people are rather casual in comparison, and it would be odd to use mr, or mrs, or ms.

It is only in schools and government organisations that it is more formal, it seems.

But I don't get offended either way.

raindropsonroses Wed 06-Aug-08 17:35:19

No she didn't tell me her name.
Would you correct, or ignore them until they use your preferred name.

Mercy Wed 06-Aug-08 17:35:41

It doesn't bother my massively but I see what you mean. I know my mum's generation a aren't too keen on being called by their first names only.

mrz Wed 06-Aug-08 17:35:59

I hate strangers assuming it is ok to call me by my first name. If they ask then ok but please don't assume.

blueshoes Wed 06-Aug-08 17:36:52

Raindrops: "Would you correct, or ignore them until they use your preferred name".

If it bothered you, feel free to correct in a nice way. But not ignore, oh no - that is so passive aggressive and really unnecessary.

raindropsonroses Wed 06-Aug-08 17:37:10

herecomethhegirls - Sorry blush the receptionist was only an example. The other nursing staff etc have done it too!!

WilfSell Wed 06-Aug-08 17:37:53

YABU. You are very old fashioned too.

HereComeTheGirls Wed 06-Aug-08 17:37:53

You don't think ignoring someone until they use your preferred name is rude? hmm

edam Wed 06-Aug-08 17:41:51

I'd correct someone, politely, if I felt like it. Usually let it go, though, to avoid making a fuss.

I think it is really rude to address elderly people by their first names, though. They grew up in a more formal era and using first names without permission tends to suggest a lack of respect.

raindropsonroses Wed 06-Aug-08 17:42:27

Probably, I meant more pretending not to hear as I'm not used to being called Lucy in formal situations.
Ignoring would be rude. In fact I haven't to date ignored or corrected anybody - just simmered in silence.

sarah293 Wed 06-Aug-08 17:43:10

Message withdrawn

Mercy Wed 06-Aug-08 17:43:42

and especially in a medical setting edam.

edam Wed 06-Aug-08 17:44:09

Actually, don't mind 'firstname surname' being called out at the doctor's, now I come to think of it. Makes sense to avoid two people with the same surname jumping up. But I'd be teed off if I sat down in the consulting room and the doctor said: 'Now, what brings you here today, edam?'

edam Wed 06-Aug-08 17:45:12

Oh yeah, 'mum' is so patronising. 'What does Mum think about that?'. Grrr. I'm not your bloody mother!

raindropsonroses Wed 06-Aug-08 17:46:02

First name, surname I don't mind either. It is preferable to my first name alone.

notcitrus Wed 06-Aug-08 17:48:58

I prefer first name on the whole, and I think the midwives have used theirs (their name badges are all Firstname Surname, so I use Firstname at them if I need to).

NHS docs seem to use first names and private ones surnames, although seeing as I'm under 40 or 50 the private docs tend to use firstname once I'm in the room alone. My GP receptionists only use their first names, and patients have Firstname Surname flash up on screens.

Have occasionally had a doc say "Hello Firstname, I'm Dr X" - which I think is intended to put you at your ease while feeling you are in the hands of a professional. If the doc is listening to me, I leave it, but if they even think about getting patronising, calling them by their first name or asking what it is tends to sort them out! Or, if really necessary, saying "That's Dr NotCitrus, actually..."

Since I turned 30ish people have started assuming I'm a Mrs not a Ms or a Miss - now that is really annoying!

Them using first name - reasonable. If they get pissy if you ask them to call you something else - unreasonable.

HereComeTheGirls Wed 06-Aug-08 17:49:39

edam - I am literally astounded that you would be teed off if a DOCTOR you had gone to see about your health called you by your first name.

ThePettyandIllinformedGoat Wed 06-Aug-08 17:51:15

oh yess [nods] to mum thing. dd once caused a scene in the shoe shop cos the fitter keep calling me mum.

TheLadyofShalott Wed 06-Aug-08 17:55:12

When my dad was in hospital (at the age of 94) I had to ask the staff not to address him by his first name (especially as they were calling him Donald, which is his first name, but he's been called Stuart all his life)

Like many of his generation he hated it, but also like many of his generation, he was too much of a gentleman to correct them.

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