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to feel like this...?

(14 Posts)
jerin Wed 06-Aug-08 15:31:28

I feel awful... have a 10 month old DS who was born @32 weeks. Just found out I'm 6 weeks pg... and I'm not excited in fact I feel nothing. I'm still exhausted as he's not sleeping thru yet, had my first day away from him yesterday, well half day as dp brought him back earlyas he couldnt manage him. We always said we wanted 2 close together so I dont know whats wrong with me. Didnt feel like this with DS - I was so excited. Just feel so burdoned already and feel so guilty for feeling like this. dp is so excited which makes me feel worse. I've tried to talk to him but he just says it'll be fine. will these feelings change as the weeks go by? I'm terrified I'll have another premmie and not bond, feel nothing and mess up the happy family I have got....

roccoco Wed 06-Aug-08 15:40:09

NYANBU. That's a scary work load. And if dc2 is premature as well, you'll have all the extra juggling of who stays in the hospital and who stays at home with your son.

I think you WILL begin to feel more positive as time goes by, that's only natural, but right now, I don't blame you for not jumping for joy.

You'll be thrilled 5 yrs down the line when they can play together and in fact, long before then, in some ways it's easier than a big gap, because dc1 will only be jealous for a wk, he won't remember the halcyon days when it was just him, and, you will be able to put both in a double buggy. Easier for you, as they will be tethered! not running off in different directions. They can grow up together.

ataraxis Wed 06-Aug-08 15:40:19

Hi jerin,
YANBU at all. Babies are tiring, pregnancy is tiring and both can be overwhelming. Having had a prem birth with your first, and all the stress and uncertainty that goes with that, it is understandable that you would be concerned about no2, particularly as unplanned (presume, at your post?).

Don't really have much advice, I just hope that you can stop beating yourself up about the way you are feeling. You really are not being unreasonable and probably just need to give yourself time (and sleep - if that's possible).

findtheriver Wed 06-Aug-08 15:47:28

Hi jerin
My dc2 was a premmie; I'd also had a csection and was truly HORRIFIED when I discovered I was accidently pg again when she was FIVE months old!!
I truly feel for you. I couldnt relax and enjoy the pregnancy, and in many ways I went into denial about it (eg didnt pack a hospital bag until my waters broke and then spent the entire journey into hospital telling a rather bemused DH oh my god I'm going to come home with another baby!!)
I'd also had a csection with my premmie so I was petrified about my body giving birth. However, the good news was that everything was fine, VBAC successful, healthy average weight baby.
It is hard work, particularly the first few months - I had a 4 year old, my 14 month old premmie (still not walking) and now a newborn. But you will cope and you'll get the payback when they're a little older. My two youngest were the best of friends, it was probably as close to having twins as possible.
I really do understand the emotional rollercoaster though. It was not what I planned, but once dc3 arrived I wouldnt have been without him!

meemar Wed 06-Aug-08 15:50:39

even if a your baby is planned, you can never predict your intitial feelings about the pregnancy. When I got pg with DS2, (DS1 was 18 months) I didn't feel the same level of excitement about my first pregnancy at all. I felt guilty for not feeling excited, especially as it was what we wanted.

You will be fine, try not to feel bad about feeling bad iyswim, it's normal. Lots of mners will help you to ease your fears over having 2 close together.

Good luck x

minouminou Wed 06-Aug-08 15:54:53

i'm hoping for a BFP this weekend, and already i know - even though it's planned - that i'll have some trepidation, as i know i'll be worrying about hurling every few mins (as i did with DS), having low blood pressure, sleepless nights etc WITH the added pressure/burden of DS
i think for you, this is intensified as you had a tough old time of it, and i'm not surprised you're feeling a bit overwhelmed
this pg and delivery may well be 100% different for you, and, like previous posters have said....you'll be reaping the rewards in a couple of years
keep us posted, and best wishes

auntyspan Wed 06-Aug-08 16:12:18

Jerin <<hugs>>- I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant with my second. I had a dreadful time with my first and was almost hoping I didn't get pregnant, if that makes sense. When I got my BFP my first feeling was utter fear - no elation, no joy, no excited feelings.

Further down the line I'm now much happier, whatever happens I know I can deal with it. It's a mental thing, believe me. Once the shock is over you'll feel fine about it I promise.

Good luck and let us know how you get on smile

OneLieIn Wed 06-Aug-08 16:15:17

Jerin, YANBU, it does all feel awful sometimes. I had mine close together - like you I thought it would be nice, but I really did not plan on getting pg the first month of trying. I was horrified. It was awful at first, but let me tell you - now I stand here on the pC, they are outside entertaining each other. It is marvellous now and worth all of that fear / worry.

You will be fine.

jerin Fri 08-Aug-08 09:12:29

Thanks everyone - this pg was planned - sort of. We had said we wanted 2 close together but I just didnt expect to get pg so soon. was hoping for 4 or 5 months extra between them. I know it'll be fab in a few years - just the sleepless nights and feeling awful at the moment thats making me feel so negative. Hoping that when I see midwife (not made appointment yet) she will refer me as high risk pg to reassure me a bit. Also hoping that when I have my 12 week scan it'll all be ok. Also worried as going back to work in 5 weeks and will be 12 weeks pg - not sure what they'll say. No reason for my first premmie so fingers crossed I can keep hold of this one til 37wks+. xx

mummydoc Fri 08-Aug-08 09:16:19

YANBU - i have abig gap between my dc so cannot offer any advice about small gaps but i did have a premmie first and was convinced second daughter would be even earlier, but actually i was beggin them to induce me 10 days overdue !smile

VictorianSqualor Fri 08-Aug-08 09:34:46

jerin YANBU, not at all.

I hope I'm not being presumptuous but do you feel you still have issues with coming to terms with your first labour/birth/the time in SCBU?(DD was born at 32weeks too)

Whether or not you decide to continue with the pregnancy it may be worth getting some counselling to help you deal with that?

You could also join us here birth trauma thread
smile

noonki Fri 08-Aug-08 09:42:44

Don't worry about what work will say - I did a similar thing, and apart from the 'get a telly' comments there isn't much they can say (they expect you to have another one sooner or later !)

I feel for your, it is very tiring having them so close together, we thought it would take at least as long as the first time (6 months) but oh no one night of passion later...!

I spent my second pregancy sad that I wasn't very excited (as I had been) and also sooooo knackered - young toddler/pregnancy is a rubbish mix!

The first year will be quite tough
mine are now 2.10 and 15 months and it is relatively easy now. They bring each other so much happiness (most of the time!) that I am glad now they are so close

I would concentrate on getting your first one sleeping through, (not that easy Iknow!)but vital and will make all so much happier.

then think about ways of making it easier when the baby comes...we asked for no presents but contributions so we could have DS1 at the childminders for a couple of hours a day for a few weeks. My DH had two weeks off at the beginning. etc

We also did some childcare swapping with friends, we looked after their little one for a few days before the baby came and they reciprecated afterwards (prearranged).

Don't feel guilty - it is only natural for you to be nervous after your previous experience, but I know of lots of people who had prems first time but not second - talk to your midwife about it, and think up a contincency plan so that you feel more in control about it.

good luck (()))

noonki Fri 08-Aug-08 09:45:19

Also have you bonded with your DS?

my sis had a terrible first labour and didn't bond with her DS for ages,

she was really worried about binding with DS2 but turned out that she was besotted within about 10 minutes ...

jerin Sat 09-Aug-08 16:07:11

Thanks everyone....
I do feel that I had a traumatic birth and I was offered counselling which I readily agreed too but the good old nhs havent got back to me yet!
Trying really hard to get LO to sleep thru but he's such a bad feeder he wakes up hungry. He wont eat anything from a spoon which is a nightmare as he just wants to feed himself finger foods.

Bonded with DS although it was tough at first in SCBU - but def bonded.

Love the idea of childcare swapping - dont have many people here to swap with but have friends who I can beg for help!! Will ask them to pop in for a couple of hours where poss so they can babysit or walk DS1 to park and I can sleep/clean/cook...

Feeling better about it all tho not telling anyone yet. It's the days when I've had no sleep that are the hardest and I know they'll be even harder...... DP is a great help but not when he's at work!! Have told him that I'm going straight back to work and he can stay home for a few months.

Havent had much of a social life the past few months so looking forward to getting back to work for the social aspect.

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