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to have told DH to stop playing with the boy at playgroup??

(31 Posts)
DisenchantedPlusBump Wed 06-Aug-08 12:46:21

DH loves playgroup, lol. We go on a Wednesday and he plays with all the kids, pulls them round on the trailer in the garden bit, talks to all the mums etc...

But today there was a boy there who was about 7, he must've been there as its summer holidays and was brought along by mum with the younger child.

However he was very, very boisterous. His mum is a helper so he just ran around outside unsupervised and was entertaining himself.

Now DH was playing with some other kids, by this I mean sitting on the floor outside with a toy garage and cars.

The year old comes over and joins in, but is immediately ramming cars into the garage etc..

DS2 goes inside and DH goes after him, year old follows.

I can hear DH talking and playing with year old and next thing he comes out with the boy over his shoulders and shouting 'right, thats it... your going over the fence'

He took him over to the fence and pretended he was going to chuck him over.

I went over to DH and told him to put him down.

I said he is not your child, I know hes having fun but if you drop him you could get in alot of trouble! Its OK with our kids but you can't go doing it with other peoples!

He seemed peeved but put him down.

Well that was it!

The kids wouldn't leave DH alone then, kicking him, hitting him, throwing stuff at him hmm not nastily but he was just hyper and that was how he played etc...

DH wouldn't say anything so I went over and said 'could you please not hit and kick, its not nice'.

This didn't deter him, for the whole session he was doing these sorts of things.

We found a bug and the kid wouldn't let anyone else have a hold, he was throwing sticks at it.

TBH I really don't think he should be ther, its a toddler group.

DH said I was being daft, but the kid was getting really out of hand and I could see DH was uncomfortable with being kicked and stuff!

I don't know whether I should query if theres an upper age limit.

I don't want to sound bitchy but the boys love playgroup and I really don't know if I could face a repeat of this for the next 6 weeks!

lilyloo Wed 06-Aug-08 12:51:46

But if an age limit was put on it then mum wouldn't be able to attend as a helper this may mean the playgroup couldn't happen anyway.
What if all the helpers have school age dc's?

If it bothers you too much then maybe leave it when it's the school holidays ?

DisenchantedPlusBump Wed 06-Aug-08 12:53:17

I don't actully know if shes a helper, she just always seems to be tidying up! lol, maybe shes just like that?

Its a surestart centre, so lots of staff.

DisenchantedPlusBump Wed 06-Aug-08 12:53:50

I wouldn't want to leave it as my kids love it!
They look forward to it all week.

Mamazon Wed 06-Aug-08 12:54:50

I don't think your Dh was wrong to play with the child at all, but i would query where the childs parent was if he was becoming agressive. as you say im sure it wasn't meant nastily but probably just that he was excited.

i assume there are staff at this playgroup? if so it is down to them to explain about age restrictions.

DisenchantedPlusBump Wed 06-Aug-08 12:56:48

Im not sure if she is staff, there never seems to be a uniformed or badged person in there,

Thats why I THOUGHT she might be a helper as she is there every week and cuts up the fruit! grin

I know its harsh but it IS a toddler group, its for little ones.

muggglewump Wed 06-Aug-08 13:02:14

It's his behaviour that was inappropriate, not his age. His Mum should have been keeping an eye on him whether she's a helper or not.

Othersideofthechannel Wed 06-Aug-08 13:08:11

I don't know about 7 year old boys but my 5 yr old likes to play car crashes. (He used to play gently with cars as a toddler). He also loves the type of rough play that your DH was doing. But if we do play with him like that, he goes hyper and it takes him a while to wind down. It's an age where they have to learn about controlling their emotions.

HumphreyPinCushion Wed 06-Aug-08 13:11:18

I would have spoken to his mother and asked her to deal with it.

Feenie Wed 06-Aug-08 13:12:06


Othersideofthechannel Wed 06-Aug-08 13:12:24

Agree the child's parent should have intervened but as he/she didn't, it would have been better for disenchanted's DH to set a few limits for the boy seeing as he was playing with him.

Disenchanted, is your gripe with that boy being there or with your DH playing with him?

Feenie Wed 06-Aug-08 13:13:37

I don't get this. Your dh at nursery? Is it me? hmm

DisenchantedPlusBump Wed 06-Aug-08 13:15:16

The boys behaviour really, not DH playing with him, he plays with lots of kids there, but I could tell straight away that if he started with this boy it wouldn't stop, because of the way he was behaving, iykwim.

I told DH not to play with him anymore as the boy was becoming too rough.

I din't want him to get any more wound up than he already was!

I don't think he should have been there as the eldest child there was 3.5 yrs old and they all play nicely.

DisenchantedPlusBump Wed 06-Aug-08 13:15:52

Why wouldn't he come to nursery with us?

Its a parent and toddler group, we both take the kids.

FioFio Wed 06-Aug-08 13:16:35

Message withdrawn

coppertop Wed 06-Aug-08 13:17:14

At our surestart centre parents are allowed to bring older children to groups during the school holidays. I think the upper age limit is 11yrs old.

Feenie Wed 06-Aug-08 13:17:44

*Wonders if she has gone mad/turned invisible* hmm

TheDevilWearsPrimark Wed 06-Aug-08 13:18:04

I know its harsh but it IS a toddler group, its for little ones

Yet a fully grown man is fine to act like a child there?

DisenchantedPlusBump Wed 06-Aug-08 13:18:49

Feenie I answered you !!
We BOTH take the children to playgroup.

I don't see whats hmm about that!

FioFio Wed 06-Aug-08 13:19:17

Message withdrawn

DisenchantedPlusBump Wed 06-Aug-08 13:20:05

He plays with the children FGS.

Just like the mums do.

Lots of mums pick up the kids and run around with them and pull them about on the trailers.

So he shouldn't because he is a dad?!

lulumama Wed 06-Aug-08 13:21:43

you are lucky there are any groups running during summer hols.. think it was nice of DH to play with this child, but definitely should have steered him gently back to his mum when he became a bit much

Othersideofthechannel Wed 06-Aug-08 13:23:18

I understand better Disenchanted. I see why you told your DH to stop. (What does he think about it BTW? Still peeved?) But at the same time, I think it would probably have helped the boy calm down if instead of your DH suddenly stopping playing with him, if he had continued to play with him and gradually turned the rough play into calmer games.

FioFio Wed 06-Aug-08 13:23:29

Message withdrawn

lilyloo Wed 06-Aug-08 13:23:38

I think the problem is that any boy of school age is likely to get bored doing the kind of activities the 2 and 3 year olds do so they are bound to get a little lively.

How about mentioning setting up an activity table for the older dc's whilst it's the school hols with more age appropriate activites.

Let's face it playgroups are a lifeline to many and if you had to stop during the hols then that wouldn't be good for either mother or the siblings who miss out.

Maybe dh could run some sort of activity for the older ones as he seemed quite happy and enthusiastic with the older one ?

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