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Am I being a party-pooper??

(19 Posts)
derelicte Wed 06-Aug-08 08:34:55

I've recently moved back near(ish) an old (but very temperamental!) friend. She wants me to go and visit her, but to get there I would have to walk nearly a mile to the bus station, take a 70 minute bus journey and do another mile walk at the other end. I will also have my two and three year old DCs in tow. Obviously I will have to do it all again to get back home. The plan is to do this tomorrow when it will also be pissing with rain.

Now, I'm pretty sure that most reasonable people wouldn't be asking this of me, unless it was for a special / one off occasion, but my friend is pretty much insisting and treating it as an easy trip out to see her for a play-date.

If I call it off, I'm pretty sure she'll get in a huff (she has 'form' for this sort of thing). I'm tempted to tell her to shove it, but I'm not sure of I'm being a bit lame/lazy. I also hate confrontation, and I know she'll start bitching about me to our other friends if I piss her off. (This is so ridiculously childish...I'm 32 fgs!)

Would you do it?

BouncingTurtle Wed 06-Aug-08 08:38:34

Sounds like hassle with the los. I wouldn't do it.
Does she have a car? Can she come to you?

kslatts Wed 06-Aug-08 08:38:41

Could you meet somewhere in the middle?

derelicte Wed 06-Aug-08 08:39:45

She does have a car, and could come and see me. There is nowhere in the middle...just fields grin

Freckle Wed 06-Aug-08 08:47:44

Tell her you've twisted your ankle. It's not too bad but you couldn't possibly walk the distance needed to go and see her. Could she come to you instead???

CuckooClockWorkShy Wed 06-Aug-08 08:51:12

Does she not understand how hard that would be with children?

Even if she started bitching about you, your mutual friends might nod but secretly be thinking, hmm, she wouldn't travel/walk a 70 mile round trip with two very young children, in the RAIN!! wHAT a cow!

Can you invite Her to visit you, as if she doesn't have children and she STILL can't face then the journey, then maybe she might privately concede that that same journey with two children would be a nightmare.

I remember I went out in a MONSOOON to visit a friend like yours when I was heavily prg, because I knew she would be calling me a lightweight who just wanted to sit by the fire from now on..

CuckooClockWorkShy Wed 06-Aug-08 08:52:55

I've just re-read, so she has ONE child. At least. So she must on some level know that the journey is not an easy one.

2 children are more than twice as hard as one child. It's a strange law of physics there.

derelicte Wed 06-Aug-08 09:11:23

OK, the general consensus is in my favour so far grin

Yes, she has a two year old, but she has a car, which makes the journey loads easier imo.

I am totally rubbish at fibbing, and tbh it would just postpone the dilemma if i made up an excuse.

tiggerlovestobounce Wed 06-Aug-08 09:24:15

That sounds like an unpleasant journey.
If it was me I think something would come up that would sadly prevent me from going.

DaphneMoon Wed 06-Aug-08 09:34:36

She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. If she gets in a huff over the slightest thing and would think nothing of bitching about you if you don't go. Also she appears to be making no effort to come and see you even though it would be easier. Why are you even considering going?

Freckle Wed 06-Aug-08 09:44:28

Then why don't you just say to her "Look, why don't you come to me as you have a car? I'd have to walk x miles to the station, get a bus for 70 minutes - hugely unfunny with two young children - and walk x miles after that - and do the same in reverse. If you come to us, we'd have loads more time together."

derelicte Wed 06-Aug-08 09:47:42

Daphne - I know...she has a way of twisting things which make me lose perspective. I also generally have a very overly developed guilt complex grin

Freckle - yes, that's a good way of negotiating it with her. I just need to grow myself a spine!

DaphneMoon Wed 06-Aug-08 09:52:04

Sadly I have friends that are like that with me and I too have no spine! Sometimes I wish I would stand up to them and speak my mind, however, perhaps then I would not have any friends. Perhaps my friends like me because I am easy going. I get angry with myself though for being easy with friends that constantly let me down. I suppose it depends on how much you value her friendship. As suggested by others here, try meetng half way or asking her to come to yours. TBH I cannot believe she is making you do this journey when she has a car, I could not do that to a friend.

throckenholt Wed 06-Aug-08 09:58:55

I wouldn't make my 2 and 3 year old do a total of 4 miles walk and 2+ hours on a bus to go an visit anyone !

I would just say - having worked out the logistics that you can't cope with the journey - the kids would not be good company by the time you got the hers. And tell her she is more than welcome to come to you.

If she bitches to your other friends - tell them straight - you can't do that journey at the moment - if they don't like it that is their problem.

derelicte Wed 06-Aug-08 10:15:59

I forgot to add that has also offered to drive us from the bus stop to her house (with no car seats for my DCs!) to reduce the amount of walking. Whenever I try to explain to her why it's difficult for me to do the journey, I end up feeling like I'm making lame excuses. e.g. I said 'No thanks' to the car offer and she said 'Oh but I'll drive really slowly and it's only a's realy no big deal'. hmm

derelicte Wed 06-Aug-08 10:16:35


DaphneMoon Wed 06-Aug-08 10:25:11

Ask her to come and pick you up from your house, she is making unreasonable requests, you make an unreasonable request on her. See what she thinks to that!

CuckooClockWorkShy Wed 06-Aug-08 10:40:10

Derilicte, I think Daphne has the right idea. I would never expect a friend with fewer children (than I have) and NO CAR to take public transport to see me (while my car sat in the drive!!).

derelicte Wed 06-Aug-08 10:51:25

OK - I am going to say I can't make it over there tomorrow, and if she doesn't want to come over here, I'll offer to go over at the weekend (with DH, and the car! grin).

I feel reassured that I'm not just being a lazy bugger!

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