to want to smack my mil cos she told my girl she has monkey legs!

[squilly]

My DD is 7.5 years old. She is a beautiful tall girl (unlike the teeny tiny mil) with lovely long legs. But they are quite hairy, as are mine. I've never said anything about the hairs on her legs or arms as I know it's a sensitive issue with girls.

SO! My girl comes home and says, 'nanny says I've got monkey legs'. 'Why?' I asked. 'Because they're hairy'.

Now. You may have gathered, that relationships with my MIL are not great, mostly because of insensitivies like this across the years. But I've always made an effort to keep her involved in DD's life as she's the only grandchild.

She will have said it thinking it's funny but it's not. It's cruel and it's hurtful and days later my girl is still saying about how hairy her monkey legs are.

What do I do? I know IABU to want to smack her. Physical violence on an 80 year old is never good, but God give me strentgh! If I say anythinga bout it she'll get huffy, deny she said it and think I'm being 'funny' with her again. As usual.

I could tell dh's sister and she could perhaps have a word, but SIL and MIL are close and both probably think I'm being over sensitive about this. I'm not am I???

[derelicte]

I don't know what to suggest, but OMG what a cow!! Perhaps you could say to your DD not to pay too much attention to what her nanny says, as she's going a bit senile. Nasty old bat.

[Ledodgy]

I'd tell her it's better than having a monkey (hairy) face. Then run.

[DustyTV]

No you are not being over sensitive about it at all. Y would BU if you did smack your MIL, but you know that already.

Your poor DD, I hate it when people make nasty, bitchy comments like that and disguise it as a joke.

My step FIL does this (I no longer have anything to do with him after last episode) But I have told DH that he will only ever say something like this to DD once and once only he will not get another chance with her. I will not have my daughter being a verbal punchbag as MIL is where step FIL is concerned.

I hope you DD feels better soon.

[Babymumma]

YANBU, that's a mean thing to say to a little girl. She will have plenty of time to be body conscious when she's older & should not be thinking about these things now!! grrrrr on your behalf!

[Boobalina]

Tell your DD to tell nanny that she seems of wee next time she says anything like that!

Mind you, my mum told me when I was thirteen that my underarms looked like a Russian shotputters and did I want to borrow her razor!

[Uriel]

I'd be so cross about this as I hate the pressure on young girls to be hairless.

Dd told me this week that a girl in her class shaves her legs and arms. She is just 10.

[allgonebellyup]

immac?

[edam]

Oh, your MIL is a cow, isn't she? Poor dd.

[squilly]

Thanks for the sympathy all. I've told dd that nanny is just jealous because she's got little stumpy legs. I've also told her that it's not nice to point out things like this to other people, so it's probably not fair to point out nanny's moustache! I did say I was tempted, but that would make me worse than nanny.

I told dd I'd posted on here (she looks over my shoulder anyway a lot of the time, though not for this particular thread) and that people were saying that nanny was nasty to say that. She asked me to point out she's not usually . Oh the beauty of innocence! And my dd is a better person than I am where this kind of thing is concerned. Good job one of us can be grown up

Immac definitely not on the agenda yet allgonebellyup, but thanks for the constructive suggestion

I'm most cross about the fact that dd is 7 and shouldn't be subjected to this kind of pressure at such a young age. It's bad enough when their peers tell them this kind of thing, without their nearest and dearest getting in there first.

What's next? Will she call her scarface cos of the little scar on her top lip? Will she mock her when she starts to develop breasts and hips? Will she pick on her for being tall? She can be incredibly mean and thoughtless, having been born minus a sensitivity chip but I thought she'd be nicer to her only grand-daughter. That's a hard lesson to learn.

Thanks for the support. I think I'll ring SIL and tell her how upset dd was. See whether she can sort out the MIL on my behalf. That way none of us need to get personal again.

[LadyThompson]

Yep, a quiet word with SIL I reckon. I'd be hopping mad if it was me. YANBU!!

[squilly]

I've since found out that SIL was there and laughed at the remark. I've been given permission by DD to tell them both off...severely. Then they'll be scared to say anything in the future.

I'll scare them alright!!!

Does anyone know of any white witches anywhere who might like to sell me a hex or two????

[allgonebellyup]

i was only being sarcastic about the immac,sorry.

my dd is quite hairy on her legs but i would be gutted if she felt she had to get rid of it all at the age of 8. One of her friends is even hairier, and i feel for her.

Tell your mil to shut it, i would be having serious words with her. Stupid ignorant cow. What does your dh say?

[NoBiggy]

Immac the fool's head when she's asleep.

That'll teach her.

[cheshirekitty]

For Christmas get some upper lip wax strips for your mils christmas pressie.

Smile sweetly and say "just something for your king kong face".

[Habbibu]

Slap me if this is silly, but could you tell dd that monkeys are gorgeous and cuddly? And they have lovely strong legs and are really good at climbing! Then she can tell her nanna that if it gets mentioned again...

[squilly]

I like the positive side of the monkeys legs habbibu. It's a positive spin and I always like that.

I like the thought of wax strips for Christmas too. Not nice but rather fitting!

DH is cross, but not surprised. He's the kind of guy who tries to keep the peace and doesn't like confrontation at all. I'm the bolshie one, so it'll be me that deals with this.

DD has said she doesn't have monkey legs, so nanny is clearly being bonkers (an accusation we've often thrown at nanny) so at least she's being positive about it.

I haven't spoken to MIL and SIL yet, but words will be had. I would be aggressive about it, but dd loves nanny and Aunty Squilly, so I have to tread a little carefully.

I will, however, tell them that if they insult my child again, in any way that causes her upset, they will not be blessed with her presence again for quite some time!!!!

Thanks for all the support.

[Lovesdogsandcats]

"For Christmas get some upper lip wax strips for your mils christmas pressie.

Smile sweetly and say "just something for your king kong face""

LOL

[elmoandella]

it's bad enough kids wanna grow up too soon for there age.

but can you point out to your MIL how she would feel if SIL started immac/shave/waxing her legs at 7yo!!!

coz if she says stuff like that, then this is what she's encouraging.

[TheSmallClanger]

YANBU. Taking the piss out of a 7yo, for any reason, is not on. Little girls should be allowed to enjoy their natural bodies while society allows them to.

[squilly]

It's something she wouldn't get elmoandella. She and her dd (the SIL) have little, if any, body hair on their legs or arms. SIL has never shaved her legs cos she's never had to.

I guess that means neither of them would have experienced the feeling of dread when someone teases you for body hair!

SIL was very overweight, though, from very early on to the present day. Perhaps I'll have to use that as my example. Then perhaps they'll understand...

[ninedragons]

Thoughtless old cow. Definitely the words now, you would never call SIL Fatty Boom Sticks to her face, would you, because you have BETTER MANNERS than them.

I would have half a mind to tell my DD that sometimes very old people lose their mental function and say stupid things because they are senile.

But it is ok because she will die soon.

[squilly]

LOL ninedragons! Unfortunately, I'd be lying to dd if I said MIL would die soon. She's 80 now and her family have a history of living FOREVER! You know the expression, only the good die young?? Definitely made with my MIL in mind. Cos she's an evil old witch at times and I'd be surprised if she doesn't live for ever.

Hey ho. It's something DD needs to know, I guess. That her grandma and aunty (on DH's side) are duplicitous, nasty minded bitches on occasion.

It's unfair to brand them permanently, as they love my girl and are generally very good to her (often to the point of spoiling her) but their thoughtlessness knows no bounds.

When I had my first mc, MIL kept going on and on about the pregnant neighbour, even after I'd asked her not to, cos it upset me too much. The woman was just born without a sensitivity chip. Why did she have to bring that to bear on dd though???

[pudding25]

What a nasty, evil, old woman. Can your DH have a stern word with her. She's only 7 for god's sake. What a way to give a child a complex. I would have such a go.

[squilly]

That's part of the problem pudding25. I'm SO tempted to lace into the pair of them, but I'm trying to keep a lid on it for the sake of the family. And dd still wants to see the old bat, so I have to keep things relatively friendly.

DH is talking to them tomorrow. He told me not to speak to them over the phone. He thinks there's too much room for slamming phones and bonkersness on the phone.

So I've told him to tell them just how angry I am, which will probably have no effect, whatsoever. But I've also told him to threaten withdrawal of child time if they EVER mention anything personal about her body again. We'll see how that goes.